Do you give to get? Is there any way around this notion? How can you be genuinely “of service” without an agenda? Is it possible? I believe so and have blogged about it on my men’s personal development site. Below is an excerpt.
In my last post we explored the concept of selfishness as it pertains to personal growth. To take the conversation a step further, we have to talk about service. Why? Because if you really want to talk about not being selfish, then a conversation about being self-less needs to happen.
But what is selflessness? What does that really mean? And how do I know when I am being selfish versus selfless?
I’m here to assert that by being “selfish” you can be genuinely selfless.
Selflessness, or serving and helping others, is one of the core pillars of being a revolutionary man. To live is to serve. If you want to be the kind of man leaves his mark, consider making service a central part of who you are and how you spend your time.
Conventional Service & Service Materialism
How is it that service is so often taught as “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours?” In our modern, western culture, service seems to be fairly conditional. I’ll help you, but I expect something in return. I’ll give you my $20 million, but I want the stadium named after me.
Not only that, but service in many circles overtly excludes and discriminates against people. WTF?
For example, some religions teach that if you serve “correctly” and according to God’s will, going to heaven one day will be your reward. So rather than serve because it genuinely comes through me, I serve so that I can get the carrot– heaven.
Some groups will even teach their followers to only help certain groups of people while discriminating against others (people of color, gays, women). Hmmm. Seems fishy to me.
These examples are what I call service materialism—serving in hopes of material reward and discrimination cloaked in the name of service. Essentially, service materialism is when you use service as a way to confirm yourself or get what you want for your own benefit.
Another term for this kind of behavior is “idiot compassion.” In a conventional sense, acting selfless gives you accolades and confirmation from friends, coworkers and colleagues. But remember, acting selfless doesn’t mean that you are selfless. Tibetan Buddhist master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche called acting nice and kind “idiot compassion.”
Rinpoche defined Idiot compassion as “a slimy way of trying to fulfill your desire secretly.” Or as the karmayogini journal states, “It is when you give people what they want as opposed to what they need, all in the name of being nice and compassionate [so that you can feel better yourself].”
Idiot compassion then, has serious strings attached and is all about the givers own neurotic needs and desires.
However, for some of us, idiot compassion is the doorway to true compassion. I remember in my college fraternity we would do a philanthropy just to get the University, neighbors, and national office off our backs. But once we actually got in there and rolled up our sleeves with the elementary school kids, my heart would melt and I would have a blast genuinely serving the kids.
Genuine Service & True Compassion
Genuine service on the other hand, comes from your heart and there is no need to get anything in return, such as tithing, a trophy with your name on it, a back rub, or even a thank you. However…read the rest here.
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.” Waylon shares 10 transformingly beautiful Quotes about Love.