Lessons I learned from a spiritual d-bag.
via ele twitter: “Consider yourself warned: The Way of the Douchisattva http://bit.ly/cDMhh5 His target: The Spiritually Curious Female.”
Editor: “this is one of my favorite articles—a must-read for yoga women everywhere (and men, I guess). If you’ve ever met a sleazebag in sheep’s clothing (or a mala), read and consider sharing. Let this be a warning.”
Several years ago I had the honor of meeting a young man who had the art of seducing young women down to a science! I take that back…not science…religion.
His target: The Spiritually Curious Female.
His modus operandi was quite brilliant, actually! First, he would find a young woman using his favorite social media. At the time, he preferred MySpace but I suppose any outlet would do. He would search women for signs of a female spiritual wanderer and send them a message. It would usually say something like, “For some reason I was drawn to you so I thought I would just say ‘hello.’ I think you are a beautiful person. Namaste.” No friend request at this time! If she took the bait, she would respond and offer up her friendship. Flirty, spiritual banter would ensue.
And now here’s the key! He would start hanging out not just with her, but with her girl friends. Being so “spiritual” made him “safe.” And they would sleep together. And little would she know that he was making his way through her group of friends. Once he had conquered the group, he would move on.
This is why I call him The Locust!
I learned a lot from The Locust and now, I would like to share with you bits of his teaching.
Things to say and what they mean:
The Locust has some prepared phrases in his arsenal and was never afraid to use them. I never had the pleasure of hearing them come from his mandibles, err, mouth, but here are some phrases he shared with some lovely ladies and their translations.
We have a profound spiritual connection and I think we need to express it by making love. (Let’s do it.)
Let’s not label what we have! Labels are false and once we label our relationship, we try to shape it into our pre-conceived notions. (I don’t want to be your boyfriend so that I can do what I’m doing without technically doing anything wrong.)
I think that we should keep our spiritual exchanges to ourselves. Your friends just aren’t as advanced spiritually and don’t share the connection that you and I have. I would hate to create such dissidence within our group. (I want to be able to this to all of your friends so keep your trap shut.)
I have studied the Kama Sutra. (Let’s do it.)
Drugs totally open the door to spirituality. Take this. (Let’s get high and do it.)
I think it’s horrible the way that men have treated women in this society. In fact, women are so much stronger than men. In some ways, I envy you. (Introduce me to your friends so we can all do it.)
Things to do:
To keep from crossing thing line into straight-up douchebaggery, there are a few things you must keep in mind.
Do not beef up! Do some push-ups and keep your body fat way down but under no circumstances should you be beefy.
Be very effeminate. Sure, regular d-bags primp and wear lip gloss but you have got to be ashamed of being a man. This is key.
Buy tons of drugs and have them on stock.
Read the latest new-age book and be ready to quote it.
Keep a copy of the Kama Sutra next to your bed.
Purchase the Ten Essential Items.
Now I realize that sharing this information can be quite dangerous should it fall into the hands of some nefarious ne’er-do-weller! This technique is very, very powerful and as Spiderman’s Uncle said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
hot on elephant
The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? These People are Rare Gems—Keep Them, Fight for Them, don’t Give Up on Them. Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.” Waylon shares 10 transformingly beautiful Quotes about Love. 40 Things I’ve Learned in 40 Years. Dear Woman in the White Car at Margaritas Mexican Grill in West Memphis, Arkansas on July 15th, 2012. When your Heart is Wounded, I will Hold your Hand. Hot Love with a Leo.