By the “guzzling gourmet”
Well it’s Sunday morning coming down – (Johnny Cash rolling it out of the eight track) and if beer for breakfast is good enough for the “Man in Black” it’s damn sure good enough for you.
You had the boys over last night to try out our recent recipe (Beer Butt Chicken) with you and it was a rousing success. And hey; the boys were really showing their sophistication for your culinary theatre and even brought their own beer. So as a result of this unexpected showing of etiquette from the lads, you still got a six pack of tall boys sitting in the fridge.
The wife is still sawing logs – beer pancakes for breakfast in bed oughta get you a few points – which you need after a late night round robin of leg wrestling broke the coffee table.
Ahh –well lets get cooking.
Get one of the tall boys out of the fridge and set it on the counter- the recipe calls for room temperature beer. Now every beer “con oh sewer” worth his experience rating know beer warms up faster when it’s popped open. And since it’s open you better have a pull and get a reference point so you can tell when the beer is reaching room temperature – ahh what the heck make that a big pull. You don’t want to make a temperature “foa paw” this early in the game. Ahh – nice and chilly – just the way you like them.
Go to the cupboard – you know where it is – you’ve seen the ol’ lady over there now and then – usually getting another piece of last nights pizza the day after. Yeah – you’re right that’s a story for another day.
Grab some flour, baking powder, and salt. Get some [organic, even yummier. ~ ed] butter and [local? ~ ed] eggs from the fridge and grab the sugar bowl from beside the coffee pot.
Easy there fella – I know you’ve worked up a sweat dragging all them ingredients to the cooking area- take another big swig. Yup- that can’s warming nicely.
Grab one of the ol’ lady’s Tupperware bowls and put the following ingredients in:
Two cups of sifted flour [organic, yah? ~ ed]
1/2 cup of sugar
3/4 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 tablespoon salt
Mix them all together and check that beer- take a big pull – what the???? It’s empty. Well grab another can – pop the top – take a representative swig to gauge that temperature – and back to the cooking.
Crack the eggs in another bowl and mix them together.
Melt the butter – man it’s warm around a hot stove – go ahead sport – have a thirst busting pull and carry on soldier – your sweet little tomato is gonna love you for your thoughtful consideration.
In a small bowl mix the melted butter, eggs and beer – hey the beer can’s not quite full – what are you gonna do – pop another can – set it aside – and take a swig from that can you’ve been warming up previously.
Now this is where it gets a wee bit tricky but bubba you were built for just these kind of pressure situations. Take some of that fresh beer – and pour it into the beer you had previously, topping up that can. Take that can of warm beer (well luke cool anyway) and mix it in with the butter and eggs. What the heck have a pull off that fresh can.
Take the wet ingredients and pour them slowly into the dry – mixing them all along – I know it’s hard work but think of the points redemption from the ol’ lady afterwards. Don’t worry about getting the batter smooth – a little bit lumpy is just fine.
Ok back over to the stove and pull out that ol’ cast iron skillet. Get it heating up and have another drink cause this is where it requires all your concentration. You know the skillet is hot enough if a couple of drops of water dropped on the skillet bounce back at ya.
Excellent work – another pull – another empty can – pop a fresh one – drink – and get ready to cook. Pour out coffee cup sized dollops (that’s a fancy cooking word for globs) onto the skillet and watch closely. Yup – it’s a perfect time for a drink. Once the batter starts to bubble you’re ready to flip the flapjacks. Watch them closely, turn the edges a little bit and when they’re turning a light brown they’re good to go. Take them off – pour some more and continue the process until you’ve cooked up all the batter.
Take a big hero sized drink – job well done ol’ son. Put the pancakes on a plate, pour a little syrup on, put the whole creation on a TV tray, bottoms up any open cans of beer, and get ready to present your masterpiece.
Make sure that stove is turned off- then slowly (romantically) sway into the bedroom – wake up your cutie – lay the tray across her lap – sway around to your side of the ol’ fart sack – curl up beside your honey while she’s chowing down – and grab a well deserved morning nap – you deserve it bubba. Don’t worry about the mess – the ol’ lady can get that when she drags her lazy butt out of bed.
P.S. Note to Self “Blame all them open, empty cans on the boys finding your stash last night before they left.”
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