And That’s When Things Got Really Weird…
My editor has long asked to me write about this topic and I am finally following through, mostly because after what recently happened to me I could not not write about it. Mom, stop reading right now. First let’s establish what sexual fetishism is: “If you have a fetish, you are obsessively fixated on either an object or a body part.” explains AskMen.com. Meaning that when a man prefers brunettes that is not a fetish, but if he can only get off from having sex with brunettes than it is a fetish. The obsession is what defines the fetish. So what are some out there strange fetishes? After some research and personal experiences I’ve compiled a brief list of some common and some “What-the-hell-are-you-smoking-if-you-think I’ll do that.” fetishes.
Have you ever had that conversation? You know the one where your partner asks “So what’s your fantasy or fetish? What are you into?” I appreciate this conversation, it lays the kink out there right up front, after all sexual compatibility is vital to a relationship. But what happens when the reply is, well, horrifying? Some people are turned on by red lipstick and for others sneezes are erotic. Huh? Read on for more sexual fetishes.
Ursusagalmatophilia: People who dress up like animals and call themselves “furries” or “plushies”. Don’t mistake this for zoophilia which is the sexual attraction to animals. There is a large ‘furry scene’ and it’s surprisingly main stream these days. My question is how do you realize you’re into this? Why furry animal costumes?
Domination and submission: Relatively common. In most sexual situations there is one person who likes to be dominated and the other who likes to submit. There are varying statistics on whether more men like to dominate or be dominated. Some people like to play both roles while others can only play one. This is where sexual compatibility comes into play. If you like to be dominated you should date the guy who will buy the riding crop and teach you a lesson. A sexy lesson.
Odaxelagnia: Bite me. Biting and being bitten by your partner is a sexual fetish that has nothing to do with teenage vampires. (Yes there is a blood drinking fetish in case you were wondering.) I find it surprising that biting is regulated to fetishism since I consider it somewhat normal during sex but perhaps that speaks more about me than the fetish. Does that mean that rough sex is a fetish or a preference? Does hair pulling count as a fetish than?
Dacryphilia: A person who gets turned on by tears. So what you’re saying is that all the men who’ve broken my heart are dacryphiliacs? All kidding aside this particular fetish seems to be quite creepy. Who gets off by making someone cry? Steer me clear of these guys.
Lingerie & costumes: Your garden variety fetish. Who doesn’t like a little lingerie and role-playing? I have a love for lingerie, I own tons of it and I wear it nearly every day. So when I date a man who appreciates it all the better. And as for dressing up, that old costume from Halloween when you were the slutty beer wench? Dust it off, put it on and let the role playing begin.
Erotic Lactation: When a person is sexually aroused from breastfeeding. “Because female breasts and nipples are generally regarded as an important part of sexual activity in most cultures, it is not uncommon that couples may proceed from oral stimulation of the nipples to actual breastfeeding. In lesbian partnerships, mutual breastfeeding has been regarded as a familiar expression of affection and tenderness.” I have no commentary on this except, uh, who knew?
Pogonophilia: The fixation on bearded men. Guilty as charged. I dig facial hair on men. However I think this is more a preference rather than a fetish. I don’t eliminate men that I date based on their facial hair. Also maybe it’s only a fetish if you can’t sleep with a man or get aroused unless he has a beard.
Golden showers: Yes, the act of peeing on or being peed on by your partner. Not to sound judgmental or anything but, gross. Also, what are the mechanics of this? Do you only do it in the shower? I mean how do you clean a mattress after that? By the way those are rhetorical questions.
These are all just a sampling of fetishes. However, when does a fetish become a deal breaker? If your partner has a sexual fetish that you are unwilling to fulfill then does it end the relationship? For me on one occasion, yes. I was seeing a man and no sooner had the words, “He’s too good to be true.” left my mouth did he bring up his particular fetish. We were having a lovely evening when the conversation came up about sexual likes and dislikes. As we continued talking a very serious look came over his face, he hesitated and then said “I have to confess that I have a sort of strange fetish.” He then whispered in my ear his particular fetish. My reaction on the inside: Are you fucking kidding me?
However I did keep my composure. Strange is the understatement of the year buddy. Now, I am not going to list my fetishes, sexual likes or dislikes on here, but the men I have dated can attest that I am no prude and frankly I am difficult to shock. But this man accomplished that feat.
I realized instantly that this man and I no longer had a future I said as politely as possible that I was unwilling to satisfy his particular fetish and I hoped that he and I could be friends. He was not happy to say the least and accused me of being “too conservative”. It also made for an awkward trip home. If not participating in what he described made me conservative then so be it!
Fetishes are all fine and dandy and we all have something in particular that turns us on. But if your fetish or fantasy can induce the above reaction, then guess what, that is what the internet is for. To find people who are like-minded so you can live happily ever after. So by all means let your freak flag fly but find a person who is willing to fly it with you.
Taylor Cast has been the female half of The Urban Dater since 2008. She lives, dates & writes in New York city. She drinks gin & bourbon, smokes cigars & bakes; all while in 4 inch stilettos. Her best advice is to never leave home with out red lipstick & a strong opinion. Some have called her a sassy yet classy broad. You can read more of her articles here.
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.” Waylon shares 10 transformingly beautiful Quotes about Love.