Relationships, for Dummies.
Heartbreak! True Love! Throwing you clothes out the second story window! Fighting! Arguing! Affairs!
Spare me. What I’m looking for? One equal, no Drama.
Some of us are addicted to drama? Nah. Drama is what’s boring. A relationship without drama?
Can you have one without the other?
Dramayana: Trungpa Rinpoche called it Nostalgia for Samsara:
Give me wholesome cozy friendly boredom any day. Sounds delightful.
Lately, I’ve been spending a little time with a little lady who doesn’t play games. She’s straightforward, appreciative, thoughtful, honest about being stressed when she’s tired, affectionate…so far, she’s everything but high-maintenance.
And I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And that’s sad, maybe: am I so ruined by my last “relationship” that I expect future relationships to be equally ridiculous?
Last night, we got in our first argument. It lasted about 30 seconds. It was quiet, and kind. Then, we were back to boring.
And it reminds me: most of the relationships I know—most of my friends—don’t argue. Honestly, they don’t! To people like (possibly you and defeinitely) me, that seems impossible. Sure, they’re human. I’m sure things are up and down. But they don’t resolve their feelings at the expense of others. They don’t throw dishes or raise voices. They own their moods, instead of creating Jackson Pollock like displays of their emotions all over the karmic walls of their daily lives.
And it reminds me: Romcoms, in a way, are unhealthy. Love and life isn’t about sadness and heartbreak…ups and downs…drama. It’s about friendship. With a side of attraction, humor, celebration.
Boring? I’ll take it.
For more: cool boredom.