New Year’s often seems to be a time fit for reflection and introspection.
On our drive back from Houston my husband initiated just that. He asked me if I thought that the way we interacted and communicated with each other was better and why. I didn’t have to think long to answer that I did think it was better, but I took a few moments to think about why.
I am still as human as before. I have my sensitivities, my insecurities, my ego. For that matter, we both do. And as much as I would love to say yoga and meditation has helped me to eliminate the triggers within our relationship, it is just not the case. The triggers are still there.
At this point, thirty-eight years of experience make me who I am at present. It predisposes me to all my likes and my dislikes. When those don’t line up with another within a relationship, it can be fertile ground for conflict. However, even with all that, my relationship with Herbie has gotten better. It has gotten more fluid. And it’s not just because of love, as easy as that would be to say. Sometimes you need more than just love after fourteen years and two kids.
What I have learned most importantly in the past few years has been the skill of self observation; the ability to see one’s experience while experiencing it, and to do so without judging.
So yes, I get triggered, I have my reactions, but more often I am able to “zoom out” so to say. I am able to see the triggers and the reactions for what they are in the context of the bigger picture. I see the stories that develop in my head, the emotions that build in the heart, and I am able to be with them in a more mindful way. From here it has been a process of softening the ego and the insecurities.
Often it’s the ego that pushes us to believe we are in the right. Sometimes it’s the insecurities that lead us to think we have been wronged. By allowing both to soften, my grasp of the stories, my attachment to rights and the wrongs find space to subside.
I am able to let them go a little more easily. From this place, I am able to open my heart more. I am able to be compassionate; compassionate to myself for being human and compassionate to Herb for the same.
I remind myself that we both have had experiences that have shaped us, and that understanding on it’s own helps me to remain open and connected.
It helps to make things less personal and just more human. It helps the conflicts to subside a little quicker. It helps the heart to open a little wider.
It enables me to invite love and companionship into my life more openly.
Sheila is inspired by many traditions of yoga and sees her yoga mat as a place for her to let go and drop into her body and mind and ultimately open into spirit. She hopes to hold a space for students to do the same. Sheila views the practice as a mindful dance between breath, movement and drishti. Sheila loves that yoga is truly a philosophy on how to lead your life with a greater sense of awareness and intention. It goes beyond the physical practice and helps to guide practitioners in every aspect of life. For Sheila, her yoga practice has enabled her to remain true to herself and embody a deep sense of awareness, acceptance and love through everything that life brings her way.Most importantly Sheila continues to be a student and is inspired by the wonderful community of teachers in Austin. When she is not practicing yoga, Sheila loves spending time with her two girls, her husband and beautiful circle of friends. www.sheilasingh.com
hot on elephant
July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. Reading This Takes Guts. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD.