“Why Women Date Assh****s?” Why We All Date Assh****s. {NSFW language}

Via on Jan 4, 2012

Be interesting.

This gent (below video) is talking about women dating assh****s, but that’s too easy.

A lot of men talk about getting “friendzoned”…falling for that beautiful mysterious elusive lady who never returns your calls but keeps you on the hook…same thing. We want them even though they’re bad to us and take us for granted and make us miserable. We want them because they’re bad to us and take us for granted and make us miserable. So let’s just acknowledge that while there are differences in gender and dating balances, we all got our issues, we’re all human, and you can take from the below anything that inspires your experience.

For me, I like the first part: learn from every breakup. Don’t blame the other, just learn from it.

“Three reasons why assholes win over “nice guys” 9 times out of 10.

Facebook me! http://www.facebook.com/mikefalzone

Great Reddit comment that I read after posting the above, so it’s a bit redundant but more eloquent:

What goes missing here is that men date assholes too. How many male friends have you had throughout the years who had a girlfriend who was shit to them, shit to you, your mutual friends, your friend’s family, demanding, whiny, stupid, loud, obnoxious, cheated, pretended to cheat, played games with your friend’s emotions, etc? There are a lot of women out there who are assholes and a lot of men who will deal with bitchy, stupid, ridiculous, unnecessarily crazy behavior just because they are used to it, the girl is hotter than they thought they could get, they are afraid to be alone or just want to get their dick wet regularly.

I honestly don’t know what having multiple relationships is like, I’ve had one long term girlfriend in my life and all of the previous girls I went out with only lasted 2-3 dates max before I decided they weren’t worth the effort for various reasons, usually something on the list I made above. The real problem here is that people don’t know what they want, they don’t really think they deserve much and they aren’t willing to keep trying and failing just to find someone great instead of just working it out with someone who is ok.

Also:

I hate this popular and largely incorrect generalization. No one likes asshole behavior. When I was younger I dated an asshole and it made me feel terrible when he put me down or embarrassed me by acting like a jackass in public, but I put up with it because I was insecure, lonely, and inexperienced. Most other women I know who dated guys who did similarly assholish things were either in the same situation or simply suffering through that behavior because they liked other qualities about these men. Also, assholes are often confident enough to hit on women that other men wouldn’t, and so they often get the girl that other guys are too intimidated to ask out by default, which makes men feel like they get better looking or more women than meek men.

I agree that some people may interpret asshole behavior as “alpha” and therefore somewhat sexy, but not the majority of women by any stretch. If a woman is dating a guy that acts like an asshole, she’s most likely overlooking the behavior for some reason, not condoning it.

And:

Right on. I heard a story on NPR this week where inner-city teenage girls were interviewed at a Chris Brown concert in Baltimore. All of them knew that he beat Rhianna, but either didn’t mind, blamed her, or both. One even said he was a “model for how they want their boyfriends to be.” Ugh.

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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8 Responses to ““Why Women Date Assh****s?” Why We All Date Assh****s. {NSFW language}”

  1. Jason Gan says:

    Certainly, we can learn from failure, i.e., learn more about both self and Self, and what we, as humans, crave, or dislike. However, there is not so much wisdom to be gleamed from the video, because it is still coming from a particular way of perceiving or interpreting the world, i.e. a popular myth such as the Friendship Ladder Theory.

    (Nevertheless, let us say we do not choose to perceive the world in the same way as other people, and we choose to live by a different book. Let us just say, that we choose to renunciate, follow sannyasa path instead.)

    Furthermore, every relationship is going to be different, once we get past first impressions and things that worked. Just because you learned to avoid failure does not mean that you won't repeat failure in a wholly different scenario or pattern. All that you can do is not allow failure, termination or miscomprehension to bring you depression or anger. Instead, use the opportunity to find acceptance, peace and grace.

    Counting failures in relationships is a bit like counting scars on your body. Every scar seems to have a story or lesson behind it, which could make for good conversation with people you want to socialize with. However, don't let your back-stories, or baggage, hold you back from going forward and discovering new relationships.

    Lastly, I would like to add that people should not be quick to cast a generalization on past experience, such as a stereotype based on racial preference. Many people do not fit racial or ethnic stereotypes, so to make broad remarks about a particular race is complete incorrect.

  2. e11evenshadesofgrey says:

    Not to be confused with a real A**hole™ thinking YOU'RE an a**hole because you have enough dignity not to put up with their a**hole behavior. It's a classic A**hole™ move. Seriously. Watch out for that. :]

  3. [...] wants to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Many people, for example, couldn’t enjoy Chris Brown’s singing at the recent Grammy’s because of his personal-life behavior, even though his voice [...]

  4. [...] The real reason we “fall” for people who treat us like crap? [...]

  5. [...] falling for the wrong person over and over. Do women love this because it gives them hope that the assh*les they keep falling for will one day be transformed by the right woman? Are we still stuck on Beauty and the Beast and all [...]

  6. [...] got out of there as fast as I could, throwing the tip at the hostess stand as I ran out the door. Was this guy an asshole? Yes, he was. He clearly didn’t know that this wasn’t an appropriate conversation for a [...]

  7. [...] I was a teenager, I looked to my boyfriends to make me feel desirable. I relished in the attention I got when I wore my tight jeans and applied my black makeup so [...]

  8. Alicia says:

    This guy is amazing and hilarious. Common sense!!

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