Being Single. ~ Tatum Bacchi

Via on Feb 13, 2012
(Photo: Youtube)

Being single is not synonymous with being lonely, bitter and broken.

I’m not sure when the world decided that I need crappy advice to “get through” the holidays because I’m single, but lately it seems like I’m inundated with bad advice as each holiday approaches. I ranted briefly about this issue at Christmas when I read an article about single women surviving the holidays. I can’t remember the title. It should have been “Worst Advice for Single Women. Ever.” The article goes on to discuss things like buying yourself Christmas presents and putting them under the tree. Really? and inviting your single friends over for dinner. Great advice. In fact, my friends and I do this. We call it Wednesday. And you don’t have to be single to be involved. We don’t discriminate like that.  Crazy right?

I know. And I’m steeling myself for more horrible advice as the world prepares for my suicide watch because I’m single on Valentine’s Day. Which, for the record, is the world’s most ridiculous “holiday.” I say this, not because I’m single (although I am) or bitter (which I am not.)  But really, what is the point of this “holiday?”  Let’s suspend reality for a moment and assume that Valentine’s Day is not a day created by Hallmark to drive up sales in the off season.

Let’s assume for conversation purposes that Valentine’s Day is about celebrating life with the one you love.

Shouldn’t you be doing this every day?  I mean honestly, you do not need special day on the calendar to express your love for your partner. If you need to put it on the calendar to remind you to do something special for the love of  your life, put it on the calendar every day until it becomes habit. Expressing love is not about over-priced flowers and dinners. It’s not about getting the “right” pieces of jewelry or the perfect lingerie before February 14th rolls around again. Love is about listening to your partner, learning what they need to feel loved and providing it. Every day. Love isn’t something that needs to be saved for a special occasion.

And love isn’t something that needs to be saved for just one person. Look, I’m a certified “I love you slut.”  I say it to everyone all the time.  I don’t believe for a moment that it’s meaning is diminished by over use. I think that we all long to be loved and to hear the words “I love you.” So say them. I say it to my parents and grandparents, my brother, my god-daughter. I tell my friends I love them when they’re sad and need to know someone cares. And when they’re happy and they’re celebrating.  And when I hang up with the friends that I don’t get to see or talk to enough. And to my dogs. They totally understand.

And I love you.  Thank you for reading this.  It makes me feel loved.

If someone wants to provide me with advice for being single on Valentine’s Day, I don’t need it. My life is amazing. Please don’t tell me to buy myself a piece of jewelry to make myself feel better.  I don’t need to feel better because I don’t feel bad.  I’m not lonely.  I’m not sad.

Still feel the need to give me advice on being single? Here’s what I need advice on…  How do I not become indignant when people share useless advice because they assume that I’m dying inside being surrounded by blissful couples celebrating Valentine’s Day? Happy couples do not make me sad or jealous. They make me happy. See, happiness is contagious. So yeah, I get irritable when people infer that I need to do something to make myself happy on Valentine’s Day. I don’t. I pretty much do something to make myself happy every day. I’m good.

So, hold the advice and spread the love.

Oh, and speaking of ridiculous holidays and spreading affection, St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner. Who wants to buy me a beer? (Hold the green dye, please.) Because let’s face it, Kay Jewelers is wrong. On any given night more kisses begin with beer than with Kay. Which is why beer wins.

 

Edited by Kate Bartolotta.

Tatum Bacchi is just a girl with a very loud brain, trying to tame some of those crazy thoughts by pounding the keyboard. She’s a runner, a vegan and an aspiring yogi. A girl trying to figure out her place in a frantic world and maybe save a little bit of that world on her way. Her motto is it grow, grow, grow and never grow up. You can follow her at www.tatumann.com or on twitter at @tatumbacchi.

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31 Responses to “Being Single. ~ Tatum Bacchi”

  1. amen sister!! actually I am happily married and valentines day makes me ….grrrrr….. I just finished having lunch with my husband and as we discussed the calendar he said "OH tomorrow is Valentine's Day — uhhhh happy Valentines day" we laughed and he said — I really hope that we don't ever get to the point where i need to do anything particular on a particular day…NO honey you don't :) Because we do indeed show each other love all through out the year. Truthfully I find the whole thing sexist, weird and annoying.
    well said. OH and as for the singles advice — isn't all unsolicited advice in about the same boat? Have a great tuesday! :)

    • Tatum Bacchi tatumann says:

      Thank you! So nice to get the confirmation that there are truly happy couples out there sharing the love every day! And you are correct.. all unsolicited advice can be about the same! I hope you enjoy your Tuesday as well! ;)

  2. angie says:

    such a great article! thanks for sharing this! I echo all your thoughts! love!!

  3. Tatum!! I love this one so much! Here's to celebrating love for life tomorrow–and every single day.

  4. John Joseph John Joseph says:

    I'm still a sucker for Valentine's Day – Hallmark holiday or not. To me, it's a reminder of love and romance. Sure, we should all love all the time. Christmas reminds us of Christ, even if it wasn't Jesus' real birthday and despite the rampant rush of parents all over the western world to Toys R Us. MLK day reminds us of the fight for civil rights. I realize that people's expectations of romance on VDay can be a killer to spontaneous, unconditional love, but I still am filled with joy thinking of my lover on Valentine's Day.

    • Tatum Bacchi tatumann says:

      ""but I still am filled with joy thinking of my lover on Valentine's Day." And that is a beautiful thing John!

  5. Shannon says:

    My boyfriend just sent me an email ""I would think that a naked baby who goes around shooting people with arrows to make them fall in love against their will would be considered at best a criminal and at worst a terrorist"

    Happy Tuesday,and much love to you:)

  6. cit1 says:

    This article is awesome and hilarious! Keep submitting you articles to EJ, this is great!

  7. Just posted to the elephant Love FaceBook Page

    Jennifer Cusano, Editor elephant Love and Relationships
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  8. caroline says:

    You sound a little bitter. if you didn't have a problem with any of what you have stated then it wouldn't bother you at all. You would just sit back and enjoy others enjoying themselves and not calling them out for buying over priced flowers and silly heart shaped candy boxes. You feel so passionate about it because you do have strong emotions feelings about being single. if I'm in a place of true happiness and at peace, what others say or do doesn't affect me. If this was your truth and you truly owned it you would not be so angry or upset because some want to have a special day.

  9. catnipkiss says:

    I think it depends on whether a person would LIKE to be in a relationship or not. To those of us who are single and wish we were in a couple, or maybe we don't spend a lot of time wishing, but someday when it's right….. (you know?) – for us, it is a reminder of what we don;t currently have in our lives. For those who like to be single and enjoy it, it shouldn't be a bother, just something to laugh at. If I were in the US, it might make me a little sad. But I'm not. I'm in Chile, on the beach. I don't think I'd rather be getting roses at work or figuring out what to wear to dinner. I'd rather be studying verbs en la playa :) – Alexa M.

  10. Anita Avalos says:

    Totally! Just wrote about this in my newsletter. I wish I hadn't bought into all this V-day pressure crap when I was single…it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a day to give some extra notice and attention to love…my problem lies with how we think love should look like or that one kind of love is superior to another. How about just partying with love on V-day, no pressure required? The key is to remember that today isn't a barometer to measure how much love is in your life…it's just a great chance to party with it!

    It's kinda like your birthday…are you any less alive on the other 364 days?

    I'm thinking no.

    It's just that on your birthday we celebrate how fantastic your life is just a little bit more than usual. And quite frankly, you deserve that! Just like there isn't one right way to celebrate your B-day, there isn't one right way to celebrate V-day!
    Thanks for your post!

    • Tatum Bacchi tatumann says:

      " How about just partying with love on V-day, no pressure required?The key is to remember that today isn't a barometer to measure how much love is in your life…it's just a great chance to party with it! " Yes please! I love this! Thank you. Party with love today and every day!

  11. Carla says:

    Oh I love this! Happy couples make me happy too, as does doing nice things for myself "just because". I'll totally buy you a dye-free beer for St Patrick's day, which happens to be my mother's Birthday making it less useless… At least to me (and the leprechauns of course ;) ). <3

    • Tatum Bacchi tatumann says:

      Thanks love. I believe I'll be in your neck of the woods for St. Patty's day, so I'll take you up on that beer! I love that it's your mom's birthday and Valentine's Day is your grandma's. :) We should have some green cake to celebrate your mom.

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  13. Jogana says:

    unless you claim it – you don't sound happy at all. maybe you are wasting too much time with telling others how you feel – instead of sharing your emotions offline?

    • Tatum Bacchi tatumann says:

      Well the point of this was initially supposed to be about my irritation with advice that assumes that because I'm single on Valentine's Day that I'm lonely and/or bitter, so I'm sure some of that irritation comes through. However, I don't think that it's ever a waste of time to tell others how you feel, on and off line. I love it when I connect emotionally with something a stranger has written. Hearing how many people feel the same way that I do after reading this, and getting feedback from people who love the holiday as an opportunity to show some extra love and affection has been a great gift for me. Thanks for reading and for your feedback.

  14. Greg Eckard says:

    Haha! Fun article. Sometimes we're too busy looking on the other side of the fence that we forget how green the grass right beneath our feet is!

  15. I'm still laughing at "We call it Wednesday," but you should have added, "….dickhead!" :)))

  16. TiZ says:

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you. Celebrating one I love… http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/02/happy-st-r

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