Feeling distracted? Me too.
The past four hours have been an exercise in futility. Stretched out intending to study. Fell asleep. Got up and started editing. Constant interruptions. Settled down to write. Distracted. Sigh.
Part of it’s just how I’m wired, I’ll admit. I do have issues with AD…oooh what’s that on the floor? Hmm…I’m hungry. Gee, I wonder if we have any popsicles left. Popsicle sounds weird if you say it over and over. Popsicle. Pop. Sicle. Popsicle. Pop. Si. Cle. Yeah, I don’t think we have any. My foot itches. Itch is a funny word too. I wonder if that’s considered onomatopoeia or not. It sort of sounds like itself when I itch my foot. I mean scratch my itch. Itch. Scratch. Hmmm…still hungry. What was I talking about?
It’s been a problem my whole life. On the upside, I learned to read early so I always did well in school. Had a tough time paying attention in classes, but could remember most of what I read the first time, so I always got good grades (much to the consternation of certain teachers who were positive I was goofing off and should just pay attention already dammit!) Then, when I got to college, my doctor decided that Ritalin would be helpful. Who the hell gives Ritalin to an anorexic college student who likes to drink? Dummy. So that was short-lived and didn’t do anything to help with my distrac…
Hmmm….looks like the fire is going out. Maybe I should put more wood in it. Haha that’s what she said! I’m thirsty. Water or tea. Water or tea. Water or tea. Too impatient to make tea. Water it is. I hate how people from New Jersey pronounce water. Wuuhder. What was the name of that girl I worked with who was from New Jersey? Meredith? No. Molly? No. Molly Molly Bo Bolly Banana Fanna Fo Folly.
Oh, I could have a banana! Banananananaanana. It just wants to keep on going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny. Do they even do those ads anymore? I always had a special place in my heart for that bunny. That bunny is me. When I’m working on something I am passionate about, I’m all in. I’m like a dog with a bone and I won’t give it up until it’s gone. But other times…when there’s a little wiggle room…every little stray thought likes to pull me away.
And then I’m an Energizer Bunny with no drishti and I bounce around from daydream to mental list to song stuck in my head:
Energizer Bunnies need to be reined in in order to get things done, right? All of these distractions can’t be good. Distractions bad. Me no like. But then again, I do. Some of the best stuff happens in the spaces between what you’re supposed to be doing. One of my favorite things is an unexpected “interruption” from a friend I love to talk with. And (maybe most importantly) distraction is good exercise for my mindfulness muscles. I love my meditation practice, but there’s no utopian silent Zen space in my life to do it in–I do it in this. I do it in my popsicle-banana-Energizer Bunny-random daydream-itchy footed-silly life.
And that’s a good thing:
~ Tibetan Lojong as taught by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
I’m not there yet. But there is no there. I just keep at it.
That’s why it’s called a practice.