Screaming Samadhi.

Via on Mar 6, 2012

Modern day Samadhi allows for getting pissed off.

The yogis back in the day didn’t have to deal with all the crap that’s in the world now. I bet it was way easier to attain back then. Don’t you think?

Courtesy of Liz Barry - Still shot from John Lennon's film.

I’ve been slacking off in writing, but I have good reason. There’s been so much going on. Existential drama, duh, of course—who doesn’t have that. Soul growth is a full time job. It’s constant. If you don’t show up, it will keep on calling you and calling you and calling you. You have to show up. You have to listen.

Also, I have been in the midst of transitioning into my home(s). Now that my work life is settled, it’s time to get my home life crystal clear, exactly how I imagine and envision it to be. It’s a process. Like everything else. Building takes time and effort.

Art Studio, Echo Park House

Last night was the first night in my short term home—I’m here for a few days. A landing pad of sorts while I look for something more long term. I want my nest, my space, my sanctuary. Some of you know what my old house in Echo Park was like– remember? The amber light that would shine through the bay windows at dusk was to die for.

That was one of my favorite things about living there. And of course the red tiles in the kitchen, my bedroom nook and the art studio in the back. So many good memories made in that house—amazing, definitely on my favorites list.

It looks as if it’s quite nearly impossible to have a home completely solo, so I might end up living with a flat mate. Where I’m living now is the first time in years that I’ve had to live with someone. And you know what? It’s actually quite nice. I’m really enjoying it. The way the house is designed is suitable for all occupants to have their space and privacy while still existing within the same space.

I like hearing their movements and breath. It’s nice living with others who have respect and boundaries. When all parties are aware and conscious of boundaries, it makes life so much easier and clear to participate in. When boundaries are respected, that when we can really enter into a place of boundary-less-ness.

Art Studio, Echo Park House

Now that “home” is starting to get established, I’m getting into my usual groove again. My morning writing routine is back while it has been in the process of a reorganization, I guess you could say. So what’s been happening? I started working officially, my KITAS (work visa) came in, life here is beginning to feel more familiar, I don’t get lost like I used to driving on my motorbike, and I’m getting my rhythm flowin’ of my new life in Bali.

Last night was the first time I was able to relax fully in my own space. I slept so well. Delta brainwaves were in full effect. And I have soft and sweet kitties that are my new snuggle buddies. My last place was mmm, challenging. A lot more things were working against me than with me.

A seven am ritual was held by my outer world that drove me nuts. The rice paddy farmers would scare away the birds in the fields by calling out primal caws and banging coconut shells against one another. I had a neighbor that liked to play Linkin Park as well as sang along—and although I loved that he was singing, expressing and enjoying himself, his note of choice was too high of an E sharp for my taste.

For harmonizing with my meditation practice, well, it didn’t quite merge together in the way that would have been suitable. Construction was going on next door—saws, hammers and pounding galore. Babies crying, dogs barking…It was a whole orchestra of noise. I’m so glad it’s over.

kitty cuddle time

I’d wake up every morning frustrated, angry and upset. Can you imagine waking up every morning with that as your flavor? How awful! One day I even started screaming! I was pissed. Can you see me pissed? Ha! I was so shocked that I was reacting in such a way that I even started laughing at myself. Rage is territory I haven’t felt in a long time. I got so pissed off that someone(s) were intruding on my time to practice.

I guess that’s how I get when I’m pushed and pushed and pushed for months of unwanted behavior. If I’m trying to access a place inside me that is being impeded on by some external force I will exert an energy that is rarely ever expressed—but well, you’ll hear it. I hate having to yell, but sometimes you have to yell for the other line to hear you. Sometimes there’s so much wax in their ears that whispering or using an inside voice just doesn’t do any good. It won’t work.

In Bali, the phone connections are not very reliable or clear. Talking in a normal voice doesn’t work. Sometimes you have to yell for the other person on the other line to hear you.

Later that day my larynx was so sore. My throat chakra exploded open, I pushed something out. Thank you dear external world for giving me an opportunity and experience to push out anger, rage and frustration out of my body. All the people and participants involved are now out of my life’s periphery, for good.

That’s how it works, you learn and lesson, the situation completes itself and boom, vibration changes, energy moves and here comes a shift, bam. Karmic opportunity to grow, check. Now onto the next.

I told my friend what had happened and she was shocked.

“I am so glad to hear you lose it sometimes. You’re so peaceful all the time, I thought you were always just in a Samadhi state.”

My Sketchbook, Brooklyn Art Museum, NYC

Of course I lose it! I’m a human. I have faults. I’m trying the best that I can, but I have my moments too. Anyone that tells you they’re perfect, they’re lying. Well except for some Yogi Masters that I’ve experienced in this lifetime. They are a special and unique breed. They’ve done the work so deeply within themselves that they have not only touched this place, but also dwell and reside there.

I do believe there are individuals who are in that state at all times. It’s easier to hold when you’re closed from the external, physical world, but perhaps there are those who hold it while still engaged with the outer world. It’s inspiring and aspiring, isn’t it? What do you think about that? You think it’s attainable? I’m pretty sure for the rest of my life it will be about striving for that perfection and not attaining that perfection. And you know what, I’m okay with that.

At every moment in life, your soul is trying to grow. Your soul is trying to expand out of false ideals of living towards a more pure, natural, balanced, evolved state of being. If we don’t take these situations in life to our advantage and use them as fertile soil to grow and move out and into it- well, then the participant will just loop through life, repeating the same ole’ scenarios and situations, over and over again. Sound familiar? It’s other wise known as a “pattern.”

We all have patterns. We’re human. We grow up in a material world, in a family dynamic that immediately makes us susceptible to our parent’s unconscious behaviors that we unconsciously make our own. We live in a society that has predetermined ideals and beliefs. As we become more conscious, all we’re really doing is unraveling the unconscious patterns to get back to what’s really there underneath it all—coming back to our truest nature.  All in all, our external surroundings may or may not have been good for and/or to us.

My Sketchbook, Brooklyn Art Museum, NYC

The other day, one of my friends who is a healer, was telling me about a healing session she had with another healer. She said this healer noted after the session that she has a block in her heart chakra that would not release—but said it in such a way of judgment and “less than” as if accusatory of not wanting to let go of the block. Some people make others feel inferior for their own need of self validation of their ego. There’s a difference between saying something for the sake of the other’s benefit vs. you own benefit. Don’t get trapped in this play. It doesn’t do anyone any good.

Only allow words to exit your mouth that the receiver of those words will actually benefit from. Remember why you’re doing the work that you’re doing— go back to your intention. Your intention lies in your heart. That’s the “why” part of the equation. If you stay in the why, you will never stray. If you stay in the why, you will stay in the heart space. Have your intention lead and guide your desires, not the other way around. You’ll grow faster and more in alignment with your Truth.

And c’mon, there really is no space for judgment in this whole life experience thing. Who are we to judge? Are we not mere human? We all have faults, we all have not so enlightened spaces within ourselves that we are continually working on. We’re all doing the work. Any sort of ego syndrome will only limit your capacity to grow.

Get your ego in check, stay in the heart space and don’t judge. What you blame upon others is most likely a self judgement you are asserting onto yourself. Then you’re just wasting precious life time. Your criticism of others is just limiting your own capacity to accept yourself. It’s that whole “life is a mirror” concept. Everything external is a mere reflection of your internal domain. It’s a heavy pill to swallow, I know. But that’s the first step one must take in owning the reality, not renting a fantasy.

My Sketchbook, Brooklyn Art Museum, NYC

Aren’t we all here on Earth to open up our hearts anyways? Who doesn’t healing to do in their heart? Who doesn’t want to Trust and stay open even more and more and more? Who doesn’t want to live in a space of expansion and infinite acceptance, love, and surrender?

We’re all striving for a better quality of life.

We want to be in harmony with Truth.

We all want to be happy.

We all want to experience more Love. 

Don’t we?

We all have a story, a past, a struggle we’ve had to defeat and overcome—or we’re in the process of doing it, on whatever level. Everyone is trying their best to be the best human they can be, even when you think they’re not. Have some compassion for your fellow Earth dwellers. Side by side, we’re all doing this life thing.

May we all wake up together.


Editor: Kate Bartolotta

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About Chloe Park

Chloe Park is an Artist, Spiritual Teacher, Yoga and Meditation Instructor, Holistic Healing Practitioner, Life Coach, Women's Empowerment Leader, Social Change Activist and Ethnobotanist. A traveling Healer and Teacher, she roams the Earth to share her message: unconditional love, self-healing and awakening. She uses the medium of writing, holistic healing, medicinal plants, yoga and meditation to help all those along the Path to attain harmony with mind, body and spirit. She is devoted to facilitating the space for Healing, Love and Truth and is passionate about bringing ancient practices and traditions into the modern times we live. Her intention with her writing is to offer Q&A for all those who are engaged in the dialogue. Chloe also writes for MindBodyGreen, Healthline, WorldLifestyle, and Yahoo Shine!. To stay connected with her current projects, retreats, teachings and traveling schedule, find her on Facebook: or visit her website: Spiritual counseling and life coaching sessions with Chloe are available via Skype. May we all wake up together. ॐ


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3 Responses to “Screaming Samadhi.”

  1. Do you understand the "Primal Scream" healing ability?

  2. […] Sanskrit term Dhyana (Jhana in Pali). According to the Yoga Sutras, Dhyana, along with Dharana and Samadhi, comprise Samyama, a term that summarizes the comprehensive psychological understanding of […]

  3. […] the Road to Samadhi-Land is paved with good intentions, it can also be potholed with a sobering reality […]

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