The Inconsistent Man. ~ Stephanie Bailey

Via on Mar 15, 2012
Photo: Ed Yourdon

Being with someone who’s consistent in their actions can be a great feeling, but when they suddenly stop, it’s usually a big sign that something is wrong. When a guy switches gears and becomes inconsistent it’s hard not to panic inside and wonder what’s going on.

On the other hand, a guy who is consistent with his actions, communicates every day through calling and text messages, sees you one night every weekend, and finds time during the week to hangout, makes you feel secure.

This type of consistency usually goes hand in hand with trust. When you feel trust with a guy it puts your mind at ease, adds a smile to your face, makes you skip in your step and gives you butterflies of joy when you think of him.

When you’re with a consistent guy, you know how he feels without having to “define” the relationship; actions speak louder than words. If he makes the time to call you every day, it shows without saying a word that he likes you.

Since woman have a natural intuition, when a guy stops being consistent, the first thought that’s formed often is, “did he lose his phone, was he in an accident of some sort?” As more time passes and he hasn’t returned your phone call or text, you start to worry, which leads to questions like, “Is he no longer interested, or had he met someone else? Yes, and probably yes!

Men are creatures of habits. They show how they feel through their actions. If a guy never calls, it’s straight forward—he’s not interested. If for weeks or months he makes time to see you and then all of a sudden he’s too busy, there’s someone else in the picture. If he contacts you every day and then stops, he’s probably lost interest.

Why does inconsistency happen?

Most of the time you’ll never know. Since you usually didn’t see it coming (or so you tell yourself), there is no way of preventing it.

There are guys who have been jaded when it comes to relationships and love. They will put in the effort in the beginning; consistency, but still have their hearts guarded. When a guy has been hurt in the past (as most of us have) causing trust issues (as many of have), he will look for reasons to escape a relationship in order to prevent his heart from being broken again.

Figure out the best way to express what you’re feeling in a constructive and simple way; men stop listening when you shout or become too wordy and emotional.

Ladies, no one is perfect. If you can’t be yourself or share things about yourself, past or present, without the guy you are in a relationship with running the other direction, he is not right for you. Everything you go through in life, be it great or challenging, happens for a reason. Your past makes you, you.

Life is too short to have regrets or wish you could have changed anything about yourself. You are wonderful the way you are and the right guy will see value and respect you and not runaway. If a guy continues to be inconsistent, don’t wait around hoping he will change.

Love yourself enough to be consistent in your own values.

Move on with your life.


Editor: Brianna Bemel


Stephanie Bailey has been writing books on relationships since 2003 and just began her blog Miss-Reflections in November of 2011 which is a mixture of relationships and life experiences. Visit her blog to learn more:

Like elephant Love on Facebook.

About elephant journal

elephant journal is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." We're about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. >>> Founded as a print magazine in 2002, we went national in 2005 and then (because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view) transitioned online in 2009. >>> elephant's been named to 30 top new media lists, and was voted #1 in the US on twitter's Shorty Awards for #green content...two years running. >>> Get involved: > Subscribe to our free Best of the Week e-newsletter. > Follow us on Twitter Fan us on Facebook. > Write: send article or query. > Advertise. > Pay for what you read, help indie journalism survive and thrive. Questions? info elephantjournal com


Loved it? Leave a tip!

(We use super-secure PayPal - but don't worry - you don't need an account with PayPal.)

7 Responses to “The Inconsistent Man. ~ Stephanie Bailey”

  1. nancy tompkins says:

    The whole idea of being able to trust any friend or companion is such a wonderful one—Being consistent is certainly one way to figure out who's loyal to you and who's not—Often times the person you'd love to trust is on a totally different wave length- and, that's what hurts—

    Loved reading Stephanie's take on all of this—keep pouring it out, Stephanie, who knows how many people you may help by putting these values into words—Especially, I loved the part about believing in yourself and realizing how remarkable you really are—–Nancy Tompkins

    • Stephanie Bailey says:

      Thank you Nancy for your kind comment. Everything I write is from personal experience and I pass my knowledge on from what I have observed as well as learned to hopefully help and connect with others.
      Writing my experiences and sharing them with others is my passion. Thank you for reading!

  2. […] Men would actually open doors (including the car) for women. They would pick you up for a date and drop you off in front of an establishment if the weather was bad, instead of having you walk, and offer their coats if it was cold outside. If you were walking together they would walk on the side of traffic and hold your hand. These same men would even pull your chair out for you and stand up when you left the table. All of this is nice and appreciated, but considered Business Class chivalry! […]

  3. Nancy says:

    I was seeing this guy as a friend. We actually worked with each other for 15 years before all of this happened. He has a wife who is dying with Emphasema. He was very consistent…then all of a sudden became inconsistent with his actions…What I don't understand is…he completeley cut me off without an explanation after we were friends for 15 years. He's done this in the past with no explanation or/apology;so I am not surprised. It is still hurtful. I also think it is in poor-taste and dis-respectful. I know he is going through a sensitive time with his wife dying but;to completeley cut someone off without even a good-bye or/explanation???!…He mentioned before he cut me off his wife coming home to be on a ventilator and he would have to be home 24/7 to take care of her. I understand that. But;I can't think of ANYTHING I could have done to trigger this! Can someone give me advice on this?……..-Nancy

  4. Priscilla says:

    I love this article. I see this published in cosmopolitan magazine.
    It really says a lot and a person needs to be self aware to understand it isnt something they did. (most of the time). The worst is when you keep hanging on. I say “move on” why worry about some dude that doesn’t have enough manners or balls to say. “I’m done”

  5. Ms. B says:

    I needed this.

  6. Rashel says:

    Going through this inconsistency phase now and I've tried to voice my concern but like you said, too much emotion and words and he runs away. Don't know what to do but this was a nice read to know I'm not the only one to have been going through this. Thank you!

Leave a Reply