Thou shalt obey all 10:
1. Thou shalt lock thy knee.
2. Thou shalt stay in the room. The class is 90 minutes. Even if thou dost sit out many postures, thou shalt not leave the torture chamber.
3. Thou shalt not sport underwear as solo yoga gear. Nobody wants to see your whatnot hangin’ out. Bras and boxer briefs do not reasonable public yoga clothes make.
4. Thou shalt arrive to class hydrated. That may mean that thou dost desperately pound 64 ounces of water in under ten minutes a hour before class, but thou oughta know such behavior is better than nothing.
5. Thou shalt not be scared when thy “back hurts like hell.” Thou may find this ridiculous and counterintuitive. Thou art correct. Nevertheless, faithful servant, go with it.
6. Thou shalt sweat rivers and delight in thine own perspiration.
7. Thou shalt move with the group.
8. Thou shalt keep thy mouth shut during class and breathe through thy nose or thou shalt be called out and shamed for mouth-breathing.
9. Thou shalt come back tomorrow. In Bikram yoga, consecutive classes is a thing, just so thou knowest.
10. Thou shalt lock thy knee. I, the Lord your Guru, wasn’t kidding about that. Lock your effing knee already.
Like this? “Like” elephant funny on Facebook.
Editor: Kate Bartolotta.
hot on elephant
Elephant Journal’s Holiday Gift Guide 636 shares A letter to the Anger that refuses to Leave Me. 610 shares Waylon’s favorite Ethical Gifts. 13 shares Learn Social Media, Writing, Editing & Journalism Ethics with elephantjournal.com. 1 share The Real Reason so many Long-term Relationships Fail Sexually. 1,064 share Year of the Fire Rooster 2017: What to Expect. 1,007 share Why a Year of No Dating was the Best Thing I ever did for Myself. 8,224 shares Dear Pretty Young Woman Flirting with my Husband. 1,806 share These Tweets (and Retweets) actually Happened. 1,392 share If you Want Him, you must Claim Him. 770 shares