10 Ways to Ruin Easter Dinner.

Via on Apr 8, 2012

Want to ruin Easter dinner? It’s easy!

Step 1: Make constant references comparing Jesus to a zombie. Hmmm…rose from the dead? Wants the hearts and minds of men? Is it Jesus…or a zombie? Or Zombie Jesus!

Step 2: Remind everyone that their Easter candy was made by slaves.

Step 3: Baa, moo or oink accordingly every time someone takes a bite of the meat that is being served.

Step 4: Show up wearing fur and say, “Hey kids, guess what? I caught the Easter Bunny!”

Step 5: Remind everyone that you’re vegan every few minutes and sulk in the corner with a carrot.

Step 6: Start conversations with, “You know what I hate about Obama?” with your super liberal relatives, wait for it to get heated and walk away.

Step 7: Start conversations with, “You know what I hate about Mitt Romney?” with your super conservative relatives, wait for it to get heated and walk away.

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Step 8: Tell any kids within earshot that the Easter Bunny isn’t real and all that crap is from their parents.

Step 9: Take this opportunity to tell your family why you dislike their religion of choice and think yours is superior.

Step 10: Write an obnoxious satirical blog post about how to be a jerk at the holidays and then send it to everyone you know on Facebook.

 

The truth is, I celebrate Easter. I celebrate it as another way to enjoy the great parts of life and connect with family.

I’ve seen (and done) some variation on some of these at Easter and other holidays, and while it’s good for a laugh, it’s a good reminder too. Celebrate the parts you love, and don’t get so bent out of shape about the rest of it.

We can try to be at peace with our families even if they drive us crazy sometimes. And we can try not to be assh*les when people see things differently than us.

 

Happy Easter, Passover, Ostara and any other spring holiday I’ve forgotten! (Make something nice for the vegans in your family!).

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About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is the strongest girl in the world. She is the love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen. She hails from the second star to the right. Her love of words is boundless, but she knows that many of life’s best moments are completely untranslatable. When she is not writing, you may find her practicing yoga, devouring a book, playing with her children, planting dandelions, or dancing barefoot with her heart on her sleeve. She is madly in love with life and does not know how this story ends; she’s making it up as she goes. Kate is the owner and editor-in-chief of Be You Media Group. She also writes for The Huffington Post, elephant journal, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, Yoganonymous, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds. She facilitates writing workshops and retreats throughout North America. Heart Medicine, Kate's book on writing, is now available on Amazon.com You can follow Kate on Facebook and Twitter

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4 Responses to “10 Ways to Ruin Easter Dinner.”

  1. Aunty says:

    Geez, now I'm reminded that 30 years ago on Easter I ran over a rabbit….No one would let me live it down for years.

  2. Hanuman says:

    Ten steps that will most certainly ruin everyone's day! Good post, Kate! LOL

  3. Heather Dawn heather says:

    HAHAHAHAH. great

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