Crack Me Open & Light Me Up.

Via on Apr 15, 2012

“There are cracks. There are cracks in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

~ Leonard Cohen

We spend our lives in search of the putty that will fill the cracks—the imperfections that exist in our being, in our lives and in our world. I have been on crack maintenance my entire life. I have been searching for the fill, the band aid that masks all of the flaws on my body, in my heart, in my relationships, in my house and on my clothes. You name it, I have tried to make it right. I have tried to fix everything that seems broken, from things to people. I have tried to cover the darkness, as if the darkness inhibits my ability to be happy, whole and true.

I have lived every day searching for something that does not and will never exist. I have spent all of my time trying to repair something that I thought was broken. I was the dog chasing her tail, in a perpetual carousel of struggle that would never end.

And then, I ripped off the band aid.

The cracks are meant to exist and never be filled. They are meant to be honored and treasured, exposed and be seen.

During lunch with a friend, we discussed relationships. She described how and why we choose our mate before we understand. Our choice is made from the desire to become what we are not, so we pick someone who is everything we are not. Once we understand, we choose someone who is our mirror, who reflects and embodies who we are. Someone who has the same fault lines we have.

We try to band aid our cracks; we try to cover our cracks with people to create a barrier between what we are, and what we think we should be. We do this because we think that perfection can and should be attained. We believe it is within our grasp to be flawless.

What is flawless?  

Nothing.

Photo: Barbara L. Slavin

The closest thing we have to flawlessness is nature. The Grand Canyon, for example, is one of the most majestic creations in the world, and what is it? A giant crack.

People visit this giant crack every day from all over the world to marvel at this vast gaping hole in the Earth. It is possibly the greatest flawed perfection human eyes have ever witnessed. If the water and wind had never pulsed through the rock, we would not know it as the Grand Canyon. Without your cracks, you wouldn’t be. The erosion of life lived etches uniqueness into our skin all the way through, to our hearts.

We would not be human; we would not know this existence without our wrinkles, lines, holes, cuts and scars. We would not know love without the punctures of resentment and hate. We would not know pure joy without the pit of sorrow. We would not appreciate health without the fractures of sickness.We would not know happiness without the searing slice of suffering.

We learn how to live within the cracks. The cracks are where we find ourselves. Our cracks absorb and radiate light. They are the peep hole to the inside, so we can see our spirit. Our cracks lead the way, guiding others to see in, to see us.

The light creeps in and we journey right back to where we start, exactly the same and completely different. Exactly the same, we are who we are, nothing changes. We are fated as we are, cracks and all. Completely different, because we understand that there is absolutely nothing to cover.

I sit here with the scars on my body, the laugh lines on my face, the breaks in my heart, the broken dishwasher at home, the crayon doodles on my couch, and the moth hole in my shirt. Today, I acknowledge I am perfectly cracked; I have nothing to cover anymore.

By Rebecca Lammersen

 

~

Editor: Brianna Bemel

About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, a donation based yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. Check out Rebecca's website and her articles at The Huffington Post. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

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27 Responses to “Crack Me Open & Light Me Up.”

  1. She described how and why we choose our mate before we understand. Our choice is made from the desire to become what we are not, so we pick someone who is everything we are not. Once we understand, we choose someone who is our mirror, who reflects and embodies who we are. Someone who has the same fault lines we have.

    This is exactly what happened in my life. (First marriage 20 years, present marriage 17.)

    Bob

  2. Kristi says:

    This is the best reminder I have read in a long time – thank you for writing it so eloquently! <3

  3. cit1 says:

    Awesome, thanks!

  4. @abbybaby09 says:

    Amazing Rebecca! You inspire me SO much!

  5. Tanya Lee Markul Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the Elephant Yoga homepage.

    Tanya Lee Markul, Yoga Editor
    Like Elephant Yoga on Facebook
    Follow on Twitter

  6. Valerie Carruthers ValCarruthers says:

    Great writing, Rebecca. How beautiful and mystical that contained within the cracks is perfect wholeness.

    Just posted to "Featured Today" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  7. Valerie Carruthers ValCarruthers says:

    Just posted to "Popular Lately" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
    Please go and "Like" Elephant Spirituality on Facebook

  8. This is so wonderfully written and expressed. And as Bob said we choose someone who is what we are not. I did not in a long term relationship. He was all that I was not ~ established, good at negotiation, shrewd, business orientated…..etc….etc……etc……After as we parted, I saw how I had taken on many of those traits….People often asked if I was a lawyer before yoga….No, I could never be….

    All the bumps, bruises and scars….what a great reminder of the simple facts of life and of living.

  9. James Vincent Knowles jamesvincentknowles says:

    "She described how and why we choose our mate before we understand. Our choice is made from the desire to become what we are not, so we pick someone who is everything we are not. Once we understand, we choose someone who is our mirror, who reflects and embodies who we are. Someone who has the same fault lines we have."

    (I'd copied this text before reading Bob's reply above. Funny how truth rings loud and clear.)

    Wholeheartedly being ourselves, i'm convinced, requires some fair amount of learning and an even more fair amount of humility and a good dab of silly putty. ; )

    It feels good to still be learning and growing.

    namaste

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  14. Annie says:

    This is such a beautiful article; I was tempted to call it flawless. Thank you for writing it Rebecca.

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  16. Robin says:

    WOW, this really spoke to me this morning. Thank you for a beautifully written piece. Being separated now after 15 years of marriage and a child to what I thought was my future, my soul mate – has caused me to question everything about myself. This puts some perspective on why I married him in the first place and why perhaps he was not the best for ME. Those cracks can be very painful – I hope one day to see the light reflected from them into a beautiful future.

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