How to Work with Shame: Buddhism & Embodied Spirituality.

Via on Apr 25, 2012

Shame is the gateway to compassion…

Shame says, “I am not good enough, or smart enough. I am not big enough.” It is an example of pervasive dis-contentment—a lack of content or vitality, a poverty mentality. From a Buddhist point of view, this brand of self-hatred is closely connected with basic sanity. Therefore, shame is considered to be an extremely powerful energy, as it serves as a portal, through which we are afforded the opportunity to relate to the emptiness or the lack of content in our tiny little ego shell.

First of all, shame recognizes the limitations of our egocentric life. There is a basic acknowledgement of insufficiency or defectiveness that naturally arises when the stale, lifeless words of our conscious self are used to describe the vast, luminous nature of who we truly are. Since we identify with the ego, we take this experience personally and get down on ourselves, beating ourselves up. This is all part of the ego pattern. It is the ego’s poverty stricken interpretation of the indestructible and limitless nature of the unborn mind.

Before ego forms this movement into shame by shaping it with it’s words, this energy is a call out—a yearning or prayer, of sorts—from beyond the veil of ego to reconnect with the vastness of our true lives. Silent shame is called in traditional Buddhist language, renunciation. It emerges out of our disillusionment with the ego and its games. This prayer is answered, not by becoming a better you, but by relaxing into the experience of being. It is an act of consent, not attrition. The ego attempts to work with shame by destroying vulnerability. Meditation works with shame by relating to the texture or energy and not by getting carried away by the words.

Buddhist meditation is about an open and direct relationship with reality, which simply means a relationship with the earth that is revealed in and through the body. It is a practice of embodiment. We settle into the life of the body, rather than getting tangled up in the story line. We simply bring our awareness into our heart space, and work with any resistance by breathing into the tension on the inhalation, and relaxing into the posture on the exhalation. When, not if, you notice that you have returned to the story, simply bring your awareness back to the heart space and continue to work with your resistance.

This practice is called object-less Bodhichitta. The word Bodhichitta means, “the heart of awakening.” By tapping into this awakened heart we cut through the “poor me” rhetoric of the ego, and reconnect with the innate wealth or sense of abundance that is embedded in the human condition. This experience of wealth is written on each and every one of our hearts. It is our inheritance as human beings, and by claiming our inheritance through an act of radical trust we rediscover our capacity to extend or express our true Self. This process of expressivity is called compassion. So, shame is the gateway to compassion.

~

Editor: Tanya L. Markul

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About Benjamin Riggs

Ben Riggs is the director of the Refuge Meditation Group in Shreveport, LA. Ben writes extensively about Buddhist & Christian spirituality for Elephant Journal, and The Web of Enlightenment. To keep up with all of his work follow him on Facebook or Twitter. He also teaches at Explore Yoga. Looking for a real bio? Click here to read my story....

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Comments

14 Responses to “How to Work with Shame: Buddhism & Embodied Spirituality.”

  1. Maiaoming says:

    hmm… while I agree with of this generally, I think of "shame" as more like "I SHOULD be x – y – z and I'm not" – and it's usually something we gain from our early childhood experiences. Sure, it's part of ego and it does, when we treat it with compassion, lead to a sense of acceptance of who we are as we are, but I feel like shame can have a pretty deep root – and, in my experience, we can even have it activated while practicing meditation – 'I SHOULD be able to do this better" –

  2. Valerie Carruthers ValCarruthers says:

    Just posted to "Popular Lately" on the Elephant Spirituality Homepage.

    Valerie Carruthers
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  3. […] How to Work with Shame: Buddhism & Embodied Spirituality. (elephantjournal.com) […]

  4. […] I am sure he was stressed. I understand. But I also understand shame. Her non-response showed me what we, as children, do with […]

  5. Henry says:

    Hi Ben,

    Thank you for sharing this insightful teaching.

    On a whim I looked up your other articles and read quite a few of those. At this time in my life I’ve become paralyzed by a fear and discontentment I no longer know how to relate or sit with. It has shrunk my perspective to a me, me, me crescendo and so far I’ve approached yoga, meditation, sports, relationships, family, anything really to help rid myself of my perceived vulnerabilities.

    I’ve stopped reading after 12 or so articles partly because I was just going through the intellectual stimulation and because I was responding with frustration which was building up to a feeling of hopelessness.

    How do I start down the path? Create space to begin without checking out before I even start? Is this something someone can show you how to do?

  6. […] How to Work with Shame: Buddhism & Embodied Spirituality. (elephantjournal.com) […]

  7. […] is one of those gremlins that shows up and causes us to question, to beat ourselves up, to become […]

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  9. […] We feel shame when we perceive that others would disapprove of our actions. The distinction between guilt and shame is slight, with the difference being that guilt is more about our own feelings that we are doing something wrong, and shame is about our belief that others would see what we are doing as wrong. While shame is probably of less utility, it does provide social protection that can be important in maintaining community relationships. […]

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