I Have Wasted My Life.

Via on Apr 27, 2012

Image credit: designer Christian Jackson, squareinchdesign.com

Lying in a Hammock at William Duffy’s Farm in Pine Island, Minnesota

by James Wright 

Over my head, I see the bronze butterfly,
Asleep on the black trunk,
blowing like a leaf in green shadow.
Down the ravine behind the empty house,
The cowbells follow one another
Into the distances of the afternoon.
To my right,
In a field of sunlight between two pines,
The droppings of last year’s horses
Blaze up into golden stones.
I lean back, as the evening darkens and comes on.
A chicken hawk floats over, looking for home.
I have wasted my life.

Lying in bed at four o’clock in the morning having an existential crisis

by Michelle Fajkus

Over my head, I see countless projections of boundless joy and bottomless stress,
As my mind concocts splendid, scary stories
That begin tomorrow.
Down at the foot of the bed, the long black cat stretches his paws toward heaven,
Except there is no heaven up there.
Liberation is already his, as a fully embodied feline.
To my left,
A silver spiderweb full of dead fly memories
Clings to the corner where the ceiling meets the wall.
Where is the black widow? When will I die?
I lean back, as the sun rises over the city,
experiencing the glory of this morning: empty, full, connected and intertwined with everything.
Too soon, thinking returns.
The seer separates from the seen; the breather divorces breathing; the actress falls for the fiction.
I have wasted my life.

***

To study the dharma is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things. ~Dogen

 

~

Editor: Tanya L. Markul

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About Michelle Margaret Fajkus

Michelle Margaret Fajkus ("fake-us") is a proponent of natural, lifelong learning through yoga, mindfulness, living, loving and letting go. An avid reader, writer and blogger, she's a longtime lover of words and languages, especially English and Spanish. Today, Michelle is a 34-year-old expat from Austin living at Lake Atitlan, Guatemala with her life partner, daughter and black cat. Michelle is the founder of Yoga Freedom. She learned yoga from a book at age 12 and found Buddha in California at 23. She's written over 250 posts about mindful living on elephant journal since 2010. Her writing also appears on Rebelle Society, Be You Media Group and her blog, Daily Life Practice. Read her memoir, chakra guide or (free!) beginners guide to mindfulness and yoga here, or come on down to Guatemala for a retreat! Connect with Michelle on Google+ or Facebook.

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3 Responses to “I Have Wasted My Life.”

  1. Eric says:

    Always we are caught between "tomorrow" and "memories"; love this: "Too soon, thinking returns".

    Another Dogen quote: "My life has been one continuous mistake."
    Thanks Michelle :)

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