photo: tumblr

I’m becoming the Queen of the two week relationship.

It’s something right around day 14, like a two-week curse.

I have dated more in the last six months than the entirety of my life. I secretly hope that I’m burning past my karma…but my grounded self silently disagrees.

Some end with more grace and maturity than others. Some of them fellas seem to drop off the face of the Earth, some end with a sweet embrace and words of deep mutual respect.

Either way, I’m stuck in a two week rut.

Lately, the concept “the only thing constant in life is change” has been driving me crazy. Mostly because my romantic life is like a sick roller coaster of never ending change. I’m tired of change. I want to get past the initial phases. I want a partner, a deep lover. I want to get past the “your the greatest thing on Earth pedestal” phase.

I’ve begun to resent ‘change.’ In fact if ‘change’ were a living thing, I would kick it.

Yet, it’s the same thought that holds me together on the darkest of days. About a week ago, I received an official notification that the investigation into my assault was dismissed. This response wasn’t a surprise to me. Most assault cases come back to a he said/she said blockage. Accusation isn’t enough concrete evidence. I get it. I’ve come to a place of acceptance with it.

Yet my emotional response was devastating. I felt like my life immediately time travelled back to that horrific time and place. I had to learn to pick the pieces of myself back up again. Sigh. It’s tiring. It doesn’t really matter what kind of sad/traumatic experience you’ve had: divorce, lost love, lost family, friend, career. Falling apart is falling apart.

I tried using my yoga toolbox tools: breathe, go to yoga, meditate. 

It only made things worse. I was slightly nervous that this time I had fallen too deep into the well.

So, I thought back to my two week curse – if a budding, sweet, innocent romance can go sour in a matter of days, maybe this will change.  It sure doesn’t feel that way but I don’t know.

I mean I don’t meet guys going, oh we’re probably gonna short circuit in a week or so. So, I don’t know.

All I have to do is work through it and it too shall pass. What have I got to lose at this point?  And it did, slowly, but surely.  In fact, while it didn’t feel like it, it was a shorter turn around time.  That’s an improvement in one way, at least.

Will it come back? Maybe. But now I’ve got a new mantra to take with me into the dark days.

“The only thing constant in life, is change.”

And, as much as that occasionally sucks, maybe it can be a good thing too.

~

Edited by Hayley Samuelson.

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Olga is a traveling vagabond goddess currently trapped living a full time job lifestyle in Boston.  She keeps her soul smilin’ with her dedicated yoga practice,  running away to the wilderness in her free time, and practicing gratitude.  She loves finding things to climb, people to hug, and harnessing her inner domesticated side. If you like what you see, you can catch her meandering inspirational tidbits at http://awwsnapnews.blogspot.com.