Does the Dalai Lama’s Virginity Have to Go? ~ Jerry Stocking

Via on May 8, 2012

 

World Peace, One Lay at A Time.

I have a problem with Catholic priests counseling married couples. As bachelors they simply can’t have the requisite experiences for the job. Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s don’t get the garbage taken out on time.

I have a similar problem with the Dalai Lama reaching for world peace for us all when he hasn’t even tried to satisfy Mrs. Lama. My real beef with Catholics and Mr. Lama pale when I consider all they could learn from sex/relationships but have been deprived of.

Sex is a powerful, life changing, learning experience. Consider all that you can and have learned from having sex. Remember the first time? Remember the last time? Remember the time when you didn’t want to have sex but did anyway and the time you wanted to so badly but didn’t? Remember the time when you thought that sex would fix a relationship or the time you imagined that there was such a thing as safe sex (really)?

Sex influences every nook and every cranny of your life.

Mr. Lama hasn’t experienced any of that. He hasn’t experienced the let down after sex or the build up before it. He probably doesn’t even know how to flirt or what foreplay is, other than theoretically. He hasn’t wondered if he should try a little tongue or a little touch in that special place.

Do you think the Dalai Lama is sexually frustrated? I do.

When you go without sex for long enough, don’t you want it pretty badly? I have a theory that being born blind doesn’t mean you don’t want to see. Sure, it makes the idea of seeing scary and threatening to the status quo. But given that, I simply am not able to reconcile my desire to hear the Dalai Lama moaning with sexual pleasure with my need for a Free Tibet.

I do know there is a terrible struggle going on between the Dalai Lama, his people, and China. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a cocktail waitress to figure out China is so powerful because it has so many people.

People beget people only by having sex. So, what we have here is a stalemate between the Dalai Lama and no sex versus the Chinese and a lot of sex. It seems logical that the Dalai Lama had better get humping or he will lose by default.

I hope that I haven’t offended any of you. I do know human rights violations are horrible and I know at the hands of the Chinese many people have been mistreated, tortured or killed. But I’d also guess the Dalai Lama needs a little loving just like the rest of us. Without that tender closeness how can he expect people to live in peace?

I propose a simple movement: the Get the Dalai Lama Laid Movement.

I once saw a picture of Richard Gere and the Dalai Lama. Richard, as I understand, is no virgin. The Dalai Lama is sexually inexperienced. The picture deeply inspired me. What if the Dalai Lama set out to have sex with as many women as Richard has?

Taking this idea to a crazy extreme, what if the Dalai Lama had sex with each and every woman that Richard has had sex with. Remember American Gigolo? Not a great movie, but the sequel could be Tibeten Gigolo starring the Dalai Lama as himself. Now that seems to be a step toward World Peace don’t you think?

Please join the movement.

As a member you will need to fulfill certain conditions. There are no financial dues, but there are some sexual ones and some sensual ones too. Here they are:

1. You need to think loving thoughts toward someone you have never met before at least twice a day.

2. You need to have regular sex, at least once a week, with yourself or another.

3. Daily, you must picture the Dalai Lama having sex with one starlet after another. Never two at once though because we wouldn’t want to take this too far.

That’s it. But please be religious about this. This is a sacred club. Can’t you feel World Peace just around the corner? The only thing better than world peace is knowing that you have done your fair share to bring it closer.

 Join Today!

There is no paperwork to sign, no forms to fill out, just fulfill the conditions and wait patiently for the newspaper headlines:  Dalai Lama Satisfied, and Richard Gere Appears Jealous, and Tibet is Finally Free.

Once you have the Dalai Lama in bed your job isn’t over. For World Peace we need him to be really, really good in the sack.

Remember, supporting the Dalai Lama and his sexual exploits doesn’t make you pimp. It makes you a partner in world peace.

~

Editor: Jennifer Cusano

 

About Jerry Stocking

Jerry Stocking is a non-guru. His smile will tell you that he's found the lighter side of spirituality. If you want more sex, less seriousness and more humor, visit Jerry's website or download his free e-book. There you will discover new ways to lighten up and let go. Discovering the power and peace of quieting your mind and setting your heart free.

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27 Responses to “Does the Dalai Lama’s Virginity Have to Go? ~ Jerry Stocking”

  1. I'm Really Mr. Ed says:

    you are unlikely ever to "turn the idea of reality" on its head, unless you're speaking to a pack of 3 year old deaf children. what a vacuous waste of space you and this….ahem…."article"….both are. could you get any stupider or limited? why no, i don't believe you can!

    get a hobby, jerk

  2. Charlie says:

    I had a smile on my face from start to finish. Thanks, Jerry. I also agree with Eddie that you are a jerk and so am I. World peace here we come!

  3. terry evans says:

    I think you should lighten up and let it go……..

  4. Daisy says:

    He is as entitled to his viewpoint and practice of (non) sex as you are your viewpoint and pursuit of it. Rather than try to fix him, because he is not like you, consider why how he lives, without trespassing into your world, seems to leave you feeling violated. It is a pretty cheap shot, using him to increase your own SEO. I hope the disrespect and attention-seeking backfires.

  5. Keith Padden says:

    As one old toast would have it: "Here's to us, and those like us. Damn few left!" Then again, I've been beaten to the punch with regard to declaring myself a jerk, since several others, Jerry included, have done it already! Yay! Here's to us jerks! Perhaps that's the real movement we should be creating here: a worldwide interconnected network of jerks. Oh, wait a minute, the Facebook boss has done that for us! Kind of interesting to note the reactions here, somewhat analogous to the grumpy reaction someone exhibits when being roused from a sleep (maybe you can see what I'm getting at here). We're angry, because we're happy being asleep, and we don't want to be anything else. I am sure the Dalai Lama himself would have a great chuckle about this.

  6. robert says:

    dear mr shocking,

    has it ever occurred to you that there might be other ways of experiencing this life than yours? you seem to be quite preoccupied with sex. you seem to hold the belief that sex needs to be a part of everyone’s life or something is wrong…that somehow their life is incomplete. sure, for many people, an improved sex life will improve their life BUT to infer that the dali llama would be better off getting laid is absurd … and yes, you are a jerk, an absurd narcissistic jerk and i know that you already know this and are quite proud of it…it takes all kinds my friend.

  7. Jammers says:

    It's interesting reading the article and then people's comments. Seems the comments are an extension of the article itself. Also seems that Mr. Shocking is doing just that- shocking the beliefs we hold to and internal structures of the mind. What is right to say and what is wrong to say? Clearly Mr. Shocking has said something wrong in some people's perceptions. Mr. Shocking has put forth a stimulus that caused a specific response in some. That in and of itself is something worth noticing. What if that stimulus is simply observed and then another one given room to appear and then another. And what if that next response is unlike any that have come before? Wouldn't that be marvelous? As grand as an orgasm. I think the mistake (as if there could be one) is to take this article literally. The reading of this article is the exercise and the Dalai Lama a metaphor. Wonder how he would react to it.

  8. Charles says:

    But…I like my gravitas. I enjoyed your article and hated it at the same time. Good job. Now to clarify, I enjoyed it as an exercise in self examination because I truly disliked it. I did not find it funny, and yes I knew the Dalai Lama was a metaphor. Still I found the writing stupid, boorish, and lacking any amount of depth besides what could be gained from "shock" value. Just from the title I had a strong negative reaction; however, following this feeling patiently (after reading the rest of the article and commentary) I found that it mostly stemmed from my own conditioning concerning sex. Upon a re-evaluation of the article itself I found myself actually laughing.

    So yeah, nice article, and I'm also pretty sure the Dalai Lama would laugh about it.

  9. John says:

    Conscious celibacy can be a very useful way to learn about yourself and others. It is just a choice of which direction you want to send your energy. You can send the energy up the spinal column for spiritual purposes or you can send it down and out to create children, or maybe just for fun. Both paths will teach you something. What do you want to learn or experience? It seems like a question of what you want to invest your attention and energy in. The Dalai Lama appears to be investing in that which will be after the body passes. But who knows? Tibetan Buddhism has a long tradition in Tantric sexual practices. He might be having sex with six women at the same time every day for all we know.

  10. Artemis says:

    Jerry and the Other Men on this blog —

    You all simply fascinate me. Could somebody out there please explain why it is that men need frequent sex to remain in a more peaceful state? I'm curious and a bit startled. Naturally, I am very aware that sex is encouraged by the natural laws placed upon humankind on the planet at this time. But I'm just not that into it. I do not need it at all. And I like the Dalai Lama just as he is! A pure Heart without any attachments to anything else. A thoroughly peaceful Being. I respect that. So can you explain why he needs to participate too?

  11. […] Growing up in the church, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would wait until my wedding night to lose my virginity. […]

  12. BK says:

    Ok, if we do change “sex” to “touch”, I think you’ll find the Dalai Lama has touched more people than anyone else alive today. Think about it, what if, literally touching the hearts and minds of millions of people or shaking the hands of millions of people, in the spirit of peace and love, literally feels like an earth shattering orgasm in hyper-slow motion? What if the Lama, truth be told, is quite selfish about it even? So much so, that he won’t invite us into his club. I guess you’ll never know.

  13. jack says:

    lol does this author actually think he's funny or something?

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