Man-ifesto: What this Woman Wants all Men To Know.

Via on May 22, 2012

“I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I had those things and learned you can’t embrace rocks …I want a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”  ~ Cindy Golding

I claim no universal truth.

I only know what I know and don’t know what I don’t know. What I do know is what I want, what I don’t want, what I like and what I don’t like. 

I know only I can complete myself.

Only I can fulfill myself and make myself happy, but I also know that we are meant to live our lives connected. We are meant to discover someone to share our life with, and now that I’ve grown up (sort of), figured out who I am (at the moment) and can stand in my independence like the Statue of Liberty, I’m ready for you. So let me proceed with my Man-ifesto…

The little girl in me wants to be protected, loved, cuddled and held. I want to trust you like I did the world as a child. I want loyalty like that of my childhood golden retriever. I want you to make me laugh till I snort, and allow me to cry with the pass of a tissue and the patience of a monk. Tell me when I’m being irrational with a look of sweet criticism and a hug of understanding.

Let’s get this out of the way now, I don’t care what you do. I never have and I never will. Do you love it? Do you love what you do? Does it make you smile, laugh, and stand up straight with purpose? Then, that’s enough for me.

I can take care of myself. I can buy my own dinner, thank you. Don’t bust your balls at a job, so you can pick me up in the slick car you can’t afford, cause I know when you look over at me in that shiny leather passenger seat, you ain’t thinking you’d like to lay me down, you’re thinking about the next car payment that will turn you upside down. 

Don’t worry about how your future children are going to go to college (just enjoy them still swimming in the confines of your testes) because we will weather the collegiate money suck when it’s time. Let’s plan together.

You are a man, but let me break it to your naive 13-year-old heart, you are no Superman. Clark had Lois for a reason. Your Kryptonite is worry. My job is to stop the worry before it starts, before it destroys you. Just hold my hand, pull me close, put on your cape if you want, and be my man.

If we’ve never met and you approach me, just be forewarned, if you tell me what you do, how much your watch costs or how you ate a piece of pizza next to Vince Vaughn the other day, my heart will turn away.

That goes for the “yogi” men as well. If you use your “spiritual knowledge” as bait on your hook of seduction, I will never bite. Reciting the Yoga Sutras, telling me about your Ayurvedic diet, flashing your copy of The Bhagavad Gita or demonstrating your press handstand doesn’t make you an evolved yogi stallion, it makes you a self righteous douche.

I’m not going to swoon just cause you are a dude with a yoga mat, I’m going to swoon because I don’t see anything but passion in your eyes.

The teenager in me wants to jump your bones all the time. I want to make out with you and claw the back of your shirt with my fingers as we sit at lunch, hoping to make it through to your flesh. I want to be kissed like you are Bogart and I am Bergman. I want you to tell me I’m beautiful, but tell me I’m beautiful when I wake up and my hair looks like it’s been beaten by the wind and nested by a canary; I have eye boogers and left over mascara smudged on my cheek and you look at me and say, “Shit, you look like shit, beautiful.” 

If you want to give me a wave of nausea instead of a fluttering of butterflies, kiss me like a burglar. You don’t kick in your front door every time you come home, do you? No, you put the key in the lock, turn the handle and open the door.

Kiss me like that.

Slow the entry and make your entrance with grace. You can still ravage me with your sensuality and if you knock softly, I’m gonna let you in.  

Oh and while we are on the topic, just grabbing my crotch does not turn me on, it hurts. My clitoris is right here, you see? I have square footage of skin that needs occupancy, aside from my nipples and my vagina. Touch me, kiss me, grab me. I’m like creme brulee, I’m a process to make and a delicacy to eat.

You have to fire me up and then crack me open.

Look at me, I’m right here, you know, me the gal who’s vagina your penis is shacking up in. I know you can multitask, so f*ck me in the eyes too. My spirit needs to get wet first, my friend.

So now that we’ve got our sex life squared away, let’s talk about daily life.

Make decisions. I make decisions all day long. I keep a house, run a business, stay at home with the kids or maybe I just work 12 hour days. I have to decide all day, every day so take control, will you?  Make plans with our friends, surprise me with dinner, even if it’s Subway, I really don’t care—just act so I can relax. At the end of the day, I want to stop taking care and be taken care of.

I want to be included.

I want to meet your friends and your family. I want to know you, all of you not because I am possessive but because I am interested. Your past, is our present and will be our future. It shaped who you are. Tell me about your old loves, because if I know you can still smile when you think of them no matter what happened, you believe in the good, not the bad.

Talk to me, tell me what you are thinking, even if you are thinking what it would be like to be Batman.

Your thoughts matter to me. Nothing you do or say is insignificant, stupid or silly.

Be demanding sometimes, don’t just go along with me because you don’t want to piss me off. Tell me you don’t want to see the shitty chick flick, you want to see the alien movie, but then take me to gaze at the stars afterward and make love to me in the dirt.

Debate me, challenge me because when you do, you spoon feed me passion till I’m full on perspective.

Don’t hide from me. Don’t hide your insecurities or your failures, because what you think are inadequacies, are your sexy parts. If you don’t like your nose, your pectorals or your thinning hair, then I’m gonna love those pieces of you even more until you thicken the love for your thinning hair and thin the follicle of doubt in your brain.

Shower me with gifts of action.

Hug me, write me a note, take me to the lake to watch the sunset, lay with me in the grass. The only flowers I want, are the ones you pick as we sit or stroll in the park—the single daisy by your feet or the hibiscus that grazes your hand. Handing me that daisy tells me that you see natural beauty around you, you appreciate it and honor simplicity.  The greatest gift you can give me is love and love is as simple as it gets.

Yoga is great and all, but if soccer, rock climbing or basketball is what brings you a calm mind and uplifted heart, then do it.

You don’t need to come to yoga class with me, we can meet at the base of the mountain when your game is over and my meditation is complete. We can climb together.

I want you to go out with your friends. Please do, because I need to go out with mine.

I need my girl time and my alone time. Sometimes I just need you to leave the house so I can poop in peace. And speaking of poop and pee—seat down. it’s that simple and it will guarantee you a blow job. Show me some consideration, and I will reciprocate in gratitude.

I’ve never seen a T-shirt or a dirty dish grow arms and legs and walk themselves to the hamper or the dishwasher. Cleaning up after yourself and being neat, shows you care about your environment and your belongings inside and out. If you vacuum your home, you probably vacuum your thoughts too. Clarity is sexy.

I promise you two things:

 1. The woman I am right now will not be the woman I am tomorrow. I am growing and transforming every day. I become a stronger and wiser woman with each heartbeat.

2. The man you are right now is the man I want, right now. You don’t have to change to make me happy. I’m in charge of myself. If I’m unhappy with you, then I need to look myself straight into my bitchy attitude and get to the root my unhappiness. Continue being you, whether you are growing slower or faster than I, it doesn’t matter because you are the man I choose.

There is one last thing I want all men to know, and that is honesty. If you are honest, everything you think, say and do is driven by truth.  There is no better car to own, than the Bugatti of love. If that’s the car you drive, I want to sit in your passenger seat and hold your hand and when you always tell me the truth, we can drive together, forever.

By Rebecca Lammersen

Also by Rebecca: 18 Life Lessons I want my Daughters to Hear.

Like elephant love on Facebook.

~

Editor: Kate Bartolotta

About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, a donation based yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. Check out Rebecca's website and her articles at The Huffington Post. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

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64 Responses to “Man-ifesto: What this Woman Wants all Men To Know.”

  1. Stephanie says:

    Wow, I feel like you wrote exactly what I want from a partnership, too! Thank you.

  2. Sondra says:

    Your words hit the spot.

  3. Mary says:

    beautiful

  4. SPG says:

    Powerful, and beautiful piece of writing. However the seat down (or any amount of respect/consideration) does not guarantee a BJ at all.

  5. Liza says:

    Love, love, love!!

  6. Tanya Lee Markul Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Enjoy this to bits. xo

  7. I had been writing back and forth to a friend about what I want in a man. May scrap it and print this out—perfect!

  8. Joseph says:

    Articulate and well written, I completely understand and am hopeful to find such a match….

  9. Neil Warner says:

    Loved this post! Clear, direct, but kind….the writing style is intimate and caring. Many thanks for sharing with all of us!

  10. Felicitas says:

    Thank you.

  11. Paul says:

    Damn, that's fucking beautiful. It hits home—hard. Thank you

  12. Kristine says:

    OMG…beautiful, honest, and hilarious. Exactly what I'm looking for in a man, thank you!

  13. Well, you are fucking welcome Paul! I'm happy it hit you hard…:-)

  14. Tamara says:

    This is awesome!!!!

  15. Every single man or woman should write a visualization like this. If you run at a 10 (as you obviously do), only the men who run at a 10 (on a 1 to 10 scale) will be able to run with you. Keep us apprised as to how your newfound clarity of exactly what you want attracts this person to you. Beautiful post – I'm attracted to you without ever have met you. Clarity is sexy.

    Blessings,

    Michael

  16. unknown says:

    Your post helped me a lot in my own relationship. There were many things that I found lacking and I did not know how to clearly explained it in words like you did. This brought out a lot of serenity within me. Many Thanks!

  17. James Vincent Knowles jamesvincentknowles says:

    Delicious~!

  18. Now, that was amazing!

    Just one concern: How do I make clear that I really mean it?

    See, you've had guys kissing your rear, and your foot keeps hurting even after you take the shoe off.

    So every positive comment can be misinterpreted.

    Never mind. Great article. Shared.

  19. Thank you How to Live Happily! Just so you know, my rear has never been kissed and I don't wear shoes, well…much. And to address your concern: If you mean it, it is always clear :) Happy Sunday, Rebecca

  20. Joe Elliott says:

    This is a good piece. About stopping the worry…that's really sweet. Thanks for presenting a holistic and dynamic portrait of female desire in relationships. God Bless You!

  21. [...] gut as I observed his tentative efforts and I rankled at his hesitations and unwillingness to lead. He was adrift among these waves and desperate for someone’s guidance. Photo: Michael Julian [...]

  22. climblaughlive says:

    I have the biggest smile after reading this, thank you! Best piece I have read on EJ in this genre for sure. Skilled kissing IS the key to my lock….now just keeping my eyes open for that kissing partner. :)

  23. Devin K says:

    Wow women are complicated ambivalent creatures. I read this and think to my self where is this comming from in the writers idealistic head or experience. The whole part of not wanting a Yoga man to flash his yogic mochismo seems funny to me comming from a writer who founded an Asana studio,(yes i said it an Asana studio) while we can use words to convey something of deep meaning through writhing, the social fronts we put up by leading through example of action leave me to question the sincerity of a writer. dont get me wrong I enjoy what you say and feel its a valid thing for all men to hear and there is snipits that should be held in the highest regard especialy because a woman is giving this information to the Y chromosome. But lets be honest ladies, women like a-holes I have had my fair share of relationships and seen my fair share and i've come to the conclusion that everyone changes and creates ideals that go along with their lifestyles. And us yoga people are especialy complicated and confusing. so with out all the big word and clear idea of this ideal man dont you just want to be understood by some one patient who is funny and dynamic?

    • Hi Devin, Thanks for reading and sharing how you feel. I always appreciate people challenging my sincerity, It makes me check in with myself and ask, "Am I being sincere? or am I a bull shitting idealist?" My answer tonight, "I'm a sincere asana studio owner who loves to write." ;-D

    • Justin says:

      Mostly my thoughts upon reading this…

      "You are a man, but let me break it to your naive 13 year old heart, you are no Superman. Clark had Lois for a reason. Your Kryptonite is worry. My job is to stop the worry before it starts, before it destroys you. Just hold my hand, pull me close, put on your cape if you want, and be my man."

      Let us examine how a whole generation of females have effectively claimed their own strength and autonomy while asking for partnership and relationship from a generation of males that have been devalued, condescended to, and emasculated by articles such as this. Any man who dates this woman must shoulder the longest list of expectations just to hold her attention according to her… and all for some transient companionship and sex? (transient because "the woman I am right now may now be the woman I am tomorrow")

      In a nutshell, this woman is asking from a man what every other woman has asked before her: love me unconditionally even if I don't make any fucking sense to you and you will be rewarded by my nurturing love, affection, and sensuality.

  24. tim says:

    YES! Thank you.

    You be you, I'll be me we'll see what happens.

  25. Zak says:

    taking notes! way to simply, bluntly and easily communicate to us…

  26. [...] will allow me to explore myself, guide me to my own solution and do so with honesty and integrity. This man allows me to be me—whatever that may look like. He enjoys seeing me living my truth, and if I don’t know what exactly that is, he is there with [...]

  27. solfulsoul says:

    (womankind,) live your words to the letter, and I will be your superman =)

    this was beautiful.

  28. Leona Harter, L.Ac. Leona Harter says:

    Wow. You just expressed exactly what I’m looking for. How beautiful!

  29. Brigid says:

    Loved the piece – was fun to Read. Hope you have found your superman :)

  30. Rose says:

    "Your thoughts matter to me. Nothing you do or say is insignificant, stupid or silly."

    Yes it is. I reserve the right to sometimes be insignificant, stupid, or silly.

    "Make decisions. I make decisions all day long. I keep a house, run a business, stay at home with the kids or maybe I just work 12 hour days. I have to decide all day, every day so take control, will you? Make plans with our friends, surprise me with dinner, even if it’s Subway, I really don’t care—just act so I can relax. At the end of the day, I want to stop taking care and be taken care of."

    Isn't this what men used to ask of women? Seems to me that as a man, it would be rude for me to ask this of a woman in this day and age. Seems like a weird gender role switch.

    At first I dug this piece, but about halfway in you started to sound too demanding.

  31. NIchole says:

    I too, have been writing about finding a working relationship. You have said it in far less words and more eloquently than I. Thank you for this post. It is beautiful.

  32. Monkey says:

    Right on! Women being as open, mature and vulnerable as you are here inspire me!

  33. Ata says:

    Ooo…thought I was going to make it through the whole comment thread without hitting the misogyny. Oh well, at least I'm not surprised.

  34. BB says:

    “Don’t bust your balls at a job” but “we will weather the collegiate money suck when it’s time … together?” Seems like a bit (a lot) of a contradiction. I’m as independent as the next girl, but get a dude (following his passion or not) with no cash flow and you’ll see how quickly your happy thoughts disappear … Sorry, but this exhaustive laundry list rubbed me the wrong way. Most alarming: I don’t see the word “comprise” anywhere.

    • BB :) says:

      Having said that, I do agree that knowing what you want in a partner – and writing it down in order to set the intention – is important and powerful … but you do need to be ready to compromise – and even sacrifice – when you meet him/her. I love my boyfriend with all my heart – he is "perfect" for me in many ways, despite his imperfections, as well as my own. I have had to learn that our relationship, like every other, requires a daily dance of "give a little, get a little." Bottom line is, I think, being grateful for each other despite the flaws and trying, in a sincere way, to make each other happy every day.

  35. Adeet says:

    Very well put across,I hope all men implement, than just read it…!!Keep up the good work. Your articles are amazing.

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