Anything You Want From Enlightenment Is Available From Great Sex. ~ Jerry Stocking

Via on Jun 29, 2012

Profound Sex

My Chi Kung teacher tells me that the best sex he has ever had was in Africa. He was a reporter on assignment with a small tribe. There he met a young woman from the tribe. Though they didn’t share a common language and weren’t planning on ever seeing each other again and were from different ends of the Earth, the sex they shared that evening was extraordinary.

According to my teacher she was a creature of incredible sensation. She felt, and felt and felt some more. She had no inhibitions that he could find and as the evening progressed his inhibitions melted into a puddle of amazing physical pleasure.

A Simple But Important Question

I was spellbound listening to my teacher and pondering sex that I had had. What he described was foreign to me. I was left optimistic but confused and with one question…

How could I have better sex?

Not just a little better sex but mind blowing, life affirming sex. Sex so deeply satisfying that it spread to every area of my life, making me smile randomly throughout my day. Sex so free that it made me feel powerful, flexible, young and vibrant. Young but wise sex that illuminated my entire life.

I have a simple question for you.

How could you have better sex?

That is the question.

Assuming As an Aphrodisiac

If you ask a really overweight person about diets he or she will likely have a lot to say. But what they have to say will be from the perspective of an overweight person who is still overweight.

If you want to learn about successful diets that work then you might want to ask either an expert or someone who used to be overweight and then successfully dieted.

If you are going to have much better sex—incredible sex, even unconditional sex— it might be best to realize that you don’t know how to yet. If you knew how to you would probably already be doing so. It might also be worth admitting that the sex you have had is just the tiny tip of the iceberg of what is possible sexually.

If you start by assuming that the best sex you have ever had is perhaps really close to the best possible sex then there is not much room for improvement. But if you assume that the best sex you have ever had is really only five percent of what is possible sexually then you might just get curious, questioning and exploring how you might have way, way better sex.

People say “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” But of course you know that it can.

What you don’t know can also inspire you, tempt you, motivate you and prime your optimism.

What don’t you know about sex?

So, sexually, assume that you don’t know much, haven’t experienced much and don’t really have a clue how good sex can be. A great place to start your sexual odyssey into unconditional sex.

Get Curious.

Begin asking questions about sex. Here are a few possible questions:

What is sex?

What does sex entail?

What might turn you on that you wouldn’t dare do?

What is the best sex you have had?

What made it the best sex you have ever had?

What makes “bad” sex bad?

Is sex really something you want?

What have you been taught about sex?

Did your parents have good sex?

What do you believe about sex?

What do you believe about sex that isn’t true?

What limitations do you have around sex?

What would you do to get sex?

What have you done to have sex?

Have you had sex when you didn’t want to?

Have you been forced to have sex?

What do you think of your genitals?

How often do you think of your genitals?

What have you done sexually that you regret?

What sexual opportunities have you missed?

What would you really, really like to do sexually?

Are you sexually attractive?

Are you sexually attracted?

Asking these questions of yourself and exploring possible answers is likely to have you think differently about sex. Thinking different thoughts about sex is a creative even exciting beginning to our sexploration.

Sit with one of these questions for a while and you will discover that different answers surface. The longer you spend with a question the more fully you are likely to explore answers very different than your initial obvious answers.

Make up other questions about sex. Explore the subject of sex. Let yourself be consumed by your exploration. If you dare, ask other people any of these questions. Begin a conversation about sex.

Born Again Virgin

People think about sex a lot. Polls indicate that men think about sex way more than women do. But people do not talk about sex a lot.

A possible next step in our sexvolution might well be to talk about sex almost as often as you think about it. Dare to bring up the subject of sex and you are likely to bring some balance to that subject. Doing so will bring sex out of the closet, out of the shadows that you have relegated it to.

The difference between McDonald’s food and a gourmet meal is the level of sophistication of the chef and consumer. The gourmet meal offers many more nuances, represents much more advanced tastes, smells and feelings than McDonald’s ever can.

Talking about sex, getting curious about sex and admitting that sex is relevant in your life is likely to be an important step toward gourmet sex, unconditional sex and sex that inspires and sheds light on every nook and cranny of your life.

You are crazy about sex.

Getting sane about sex will require some honestly, releasing limitations, lightening up and letting go.

It will be worth it.

It will be worth it because you will have much better sex.

It will be worth it because sex builds intimacy.

It will be worth it because sex pleases your body and quiets your mind.

It will be worth it because sex is a great way to express yourself, reward yourself, adore yourself and connect with aspects of yourself that you simply can’t reach any other way.

 

Jerry Stocking is a non-guru who will twist your idea of reality on its head and leave you laughing. His mischievous smile will tell you right away he has found the lighter side of spirituality. Sink into the bliss of being, visit Lightening Up and Letting Go, his personal web-resource on modern spirituality. Enlightenment is only a moment away, but you’ll have to lighten up first.

 

 

~

Editor: Carolyn Gilligan

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20 Responses to “Anything You Want From Enlightenment Is Available From Great Sex. ~ Jerry Stocking”

  1. slsimms says:

    I fully agree with the sentiments on this post!
    I've been sifting through some of the same thoughts over the last year or so…when I think of great sex I think open-mindedness, connectedness, being fully present, fully giving…to name a few.
    But could your guru have transformed his amazing adventure into a more regular occurrence with that same individual? I don't know.
    Do we be inevitably separated so that we are free to experience the joy of the present? (If that makes sense) Hmmm….
    At any rate, thanks for making me think.

  2. Natasha says:

    Sex builds intimacy. I've learned that in the last year. Being married for fourteen years sex had become an act my body submitted to but my mind wandered away from, resisted, didn't really like. I always used the excuse that sex is just sex for men, it's different for us women. I believe now that yes, sex is different for men, they don't need the emotional stuff to want it, they can have it anytime. However, they do connect through sex. I'm more intimate with my husband when I want and offer and give and am present during sex – and also don't feel guilty when I'm honest if I'm just not in the mood. It's a way more important part of life and marriage than I'd ever been willing to give it credit for for a long time. We're human, our bodies feel sensations, we have orgasms and they feel good. For me, getting back in the bedroom (really, not just pretending) has brought me back to a more basic part of myself. Enjoying our bodies – sex – is a part of what we're here for. It's not less important than any other part. There's no such thing as 'just sex' and it's ok to want to feel good.

    • Thank you for your comments Natasha.
      I think his amazing adventure wasn’t going to leverage into anything over time or even the next morning.
      Relation ship it seems requires many other tools, skills and dances. But his fancy night ignited in me a vast expansion of what is possible. I figure he melted into miraculous borderless sensations.
      To your last comment, it seems that even the deepest connection is built on separate then together then separate then together. This alternation of generation seems to be a common inspiration for us and the universe.
      Please feel free to call 706-754-7540. Ask Wayne or Josh to send you a free copy of spiritual seduction just for commenting.
       Thank you again, Jerry

      • My iphone is not quite big enough. I was trying to reply to slsimms, but it seems Apple has proven that what I want and what I get are not always the same.

        I'm still sitting with your response Natasha, I'll be back to reply in a bit.

    • Congratulations Natasha. Thank for sharing this. Sounds like you have explored lots of wonderful terrain. Such things as "who's sex is it" yours or his or both can reveal all sorts of nuances that make having sex and not having sex much more rewarding. Sounds like you worked though many limitations to get to where you are and I imagine that your relationship is much better for it.
      It appears to me that there are cultural sexual dictates, like the man just wants sex without connection and the man wants sex whenever he can get it. But, way beneath these cultural, generic dictates is the opportunity to really explore your own sexuality. Sounds like that is exactly what you did. Cool.

  3. the best sex for me is the non "seeking" trying to have some ultimate experience sex… in all my exploits in my youth and my experimentation and nights without inhibition NOTHING beats the love I feel just being with my husband. All this mumbo jumbo about all this mind blowing stuff just leads to more false ideas in my opinion. The best sex is when I don't have to worry if I have shaved my legs, or even brushed my teeth — when my husband just wants to be close to me and we share a locked gaze that says HEY YOU ARE PERFECT IN THIS MOMENT… and that my friends is great sex!

    • And for each of us the best sex is different. And for you it has to do with unbrushed teeth and unshaved legs. I say, more power to you. Just kidding.
      I am not really suggesting that we strive or work hard to have Olympic Sex or Olympic anything else. Unless of course you are going to the Olympics. I am suggesting that if you really want to get good at something or extract the most from an experience it is really useful to get very curious and assume that there is way, way more for you to learn and explore.
      I also totally endorse that if you are having the "best sex" according to you then that is the best sex.

  4. You are claiming that enlightenment can be gotten from sex – there is no greater delusion.

  5. That actually isn't what I am claiming. Sorry if you thought I was. I guarantee you it is not.
    It doesn't appear to me that we have a clue what enlightenment can be gotten from. If we did there would likely be many more enlightened people around. It is interesting to me that seeking enlightenment has some people wildly go after sex while it has other people avoid it completely.
    I do however suggest that if you can get what you want from enlightenment any other way then do so. I was writing a blog about the cost of enlightenment last night. I greatly appreciate exploring and certainly have discovered the more I know the more I don't know.

    • You aren't claiming that you can get enlightenment from sex? Your title "Anything you want from Enlightenment is available from great sex" then would suggest that what you get from enlightenment is the same as what you get from great sex. Which means (hopefully you can follow me) that you are enlightened and have thus found what enlightenment gives you and have found that same thing in sex. But something tells me that isn't the case.

      • What, I wonder, do you want from enlightenment that you can't get from great sex, a walk around the block or a fudgesickle?
        Have you tried?
        Seems that you can find enlightenment in anything be it sex or bingo. If you are enlightened, which I assume everyone is, then you can perceive enlightenment anywhere, and in fact do. I don't, however, suggest that most of us have access to enlightenment. Too much of our own nutty stuff in the way.
        Can you follow me?(just kidding)

  6. catnipkiss says:

    hi Jerry – great read! I had a similar discussion with a friend who liked my recent elephant article "Are Yoga Teachers Better in Bed", and we talked about yoga students seeking to improve their spiritual practice as well as enhance their sexuality (as a by-product?) My friend said that to him, spirituality and sexuality have always been one and the same. I love that attitude. I hope my next relationship will be just what you talked about! – Alexa Maxwell

  7. Thanks Alexa for your comment. I will take a look at your article. Seems to me that anything that lightens us up a bit is all to the good. Your friends equality between spirituality and sexuality lightens me up. Thanks. I have yet to find anything that isn't spiritual, unless of course I am not noticing how spiritual things are.
    I hope your next relationship tickles you both spiritually and from toe to head with an energy that inspires you to new spiritual heights. Wouldn't that be some kind of special?

  8. Jerry,

    I LOVE our article and I will definitely "borrow" your questions in my work with helping couples reignite their sex lives. It's an interesting question/challenge, as most of the couples that come to see me have waited a long time and are often down to "no sex" so we work on connection and "some sex" on the way to some/better/best/bestest.

    Personally, the "best" that I can remember (and unfortunately can only remember that they were "peak" experiences versus being to actually have sense recall and reexperience them) have been times of total abandonment, where i am lost in my partner/partners and lost in myself, yet paradoxically I am TOTALLY present to them and myself and in my heart at the same time. Wish I had the words for it.

    Thanks so much,
    Adam Sheck

    • Dear Adam,

      Please help yourself to my questions and make up some of your own. I would be delighted to receive a list of questions you come up with. Questioning seems to be really relevant. Answering not so much.

      I am always surprised at how many people get down to "no sex." Working with people they continually rate sex as something they want but few are living up to anything like what they want. Married or not doesn't seem to make a difference here. I find that opening communication with ones body makes a huge difference. There seems to be an impacted embarrassment or worse about having a body. Seems we get to turn that into a celebration of our short time in a body.

      So glad you don't have words for the "best ever." Not sure it can ever fit into words. In my own experience if the sex doesn't keep getting better with someone there is something in the way so it is time to get down to a little exploration. I might call what you call great abandonment actually great presence. I suspect that you abandoned a removed position and associated with just where you were and just what you were doing and that resulted in incredible sex and few words. Great sex, like presence, is fully associated and a celebration of being a human being with a mind and a body.

      Thanks so much for your comments. Would be delighted to give you one of my books for free. A present for commenting. Just call Wayne on Josh at 706.754.7540 and chat with them for a minute or two, they can help you determine which of my six books you would like to have sent to you FREE.

  9. RedHester says:

    i found it difficult to read your article b/c of the disturbing framing at the beginning. the "exotic erotic" trope is offensive. africa is not a country. *where* did your teacher's mind-blowing sex happen? and, calling the young woman from the (unnamed) tribe a "creature" is really really icky. it dehumanizes her even more than you'd already done by erasing her national and tribal identity through omission.

    please examine your privilege and bias more thoroughly. by doing so, you will be able to connect more authentically on many levels.

  10. Thanks RedHester for your comments. I have not traveled widely and lack distinctions that you seem to not only have but hold closely. I appreciate your input. I meant no offense.

  11. lexpressolive says:

    Great Sex is pretty easy once you've worked thru all the conditioning which shaped your inhibitions, but it is only a step along the way. Enlightened lovemaking (sacred union) is the real journey and you don't get there thru 'great sex' alone. Great sex is only a part of getting to enlightened lovemaking. One can get glimpses of enlightenment, which I presume is what you mean by 'anything you want from enlightenment'. However, getting the whole vision and actualizing it is not arrived at by 'great sex'. So, once you've gotten to great sex, strive for enlightened lovemaking, which requires many ingredients to happen—one of which is 'great sex'. In a state of actualized enlightenment sustained by enlightened lovemaking one can say: Everything of Enlightenment is Available From Enlightened Lovemaking (sacred union).

  12. Jaeleen says:

    Excellent article ~ thanks so much for posting!

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