Dear Sacred Masculine: I’m Sorry. ~ Freya Watson

Via on Jun 21, 2012

The full story is not that simple.

Here I stand, open-hearted, loving, in my full divine femininity, waiting for you—the sacred masculine—to remember my worth and to embrace me as I long to be embraced.

But I know that’s not really the full story. It might suit me very well, and even be true at times, to say I’m fine, I just need you to catch up.. Yet I know I play my part too in the dramas and sagas that keep us separate. And there are times when it suits me to have it that way, when it’s easier to blame you than to do my own work.

So for all those times I come home from work carrying hard angles and aggression, I am sorry.

Sorry for the times when I square up to you, acting as if I have more balls than you do. Because I do know, deep down, that it isn’t about the strongest, toughest or most assertive winning. It’s just that I get sucked into the game sometimes, the game I’ve learnt to play to ensure financial independence and material success, forgetting that there are other ways.

This may be what you seem to demand of me in the boardroom and office, but it’s not what you really want from me—and I need to remember that. I know you need to feel like a man, and that it’s not a competition (although, truth be told, there are days when I might feel like I‘d make a better man!).

I may have embraced my femininity but old habits are hard to break.

And for those times when I get hypercritical, I’m also sorry. When every little thing you do seems to be wrong—even packing the dishwasher or making dinner. It is how I react when I’m under stress and feel neglected, and I know this isn’t your fault. But I take it out on you, and for that I truly am sorry.

I love the times when you recognize what’s happening and firmly tell me where the hell to go, or hold me in your arms and connect with me again—it balances me out. Yet I know you’re reluctant to do this.  After all, you’re in awe at how much I can do so well, at that wonderful female ability to multi-task and let’s face it, I also remind you of your mother (yuck). So you tiptoe around me or leave the scene, and I rant and rage even more, rather than recognizing that I need to give myself a break.

Sorry too, for those times when I simply won’t let go.

Those times when I’m like a dog with a bone, when I know you’re tired and worn out, or just want to lighten up, and I continue to go on and on, not recognizing when to allow an issue to rest for a while. I’ve learnt not to let things go if I want them resolved, have forgotten that the gift of flow is also one of the gifts of the feminine, and I practice control like a zealot at times.

But most of all, I’m sorry for all the little ways in which I undermine you.

For the times when I don’t seem to be playing on the same team, when I sit on the fence before deciding if I should believe in you, the times I threaten to leave if you don’t play my way. I have an infinite number of ways of withdrawing my emotional support, of not sharing my energy with you, most of which you’re not even aware of. And if you start to get a glimmer of what’s going on, I’ll flatly deny it and make it seem like your fault. Ouch.

For all of this I’m truly sorry.

If we are to play alongside in this new world, at least allow me a chance at confession. Perhaps if you see the full picture, you’ll realize that being divine doesn’t mean being perfect.

And we can laugh together, clear the air—and then cheer each other on into a greater embodiment of our divinity.

This article first appeared in the authors blog under the title “I may be perfect but…an apology from the divine feminine.”

 

~
Editor: Lori Lothian

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About Freya Watson

As a respected author and teacher, how we ground our heart-felt truths into the everyday experience of relationships, work and family is the foundation for a lot of my work. Finding our 'truth' is a challenge in itself, but living it day to day is an even bigger challenge. My books are all available on Amazon and my new volume of poetry, 'Sacred Poems from a Wild Heart', is published early September 2014. You can also find me on Facebook and read more on my blog. If you like what I write, you can subscribe to my Elephant Journal Feed here .

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6 Responses to “Dear Sacred Masculine: I’m Sorry. ~ Freya Watson”

  1. yogasamurai says:

    An "apology" filled with petty digs and innuendo! Just frigging priceless….I really think this whole "topic" has been exhausted.

    • Freya Watson singingflute1 says:

      No petty digs or innuendo – an apology from the heart. I've seen so many times how men and women can hurt eachother, intentionally and unintentionally. Apologies can help to shift the energy, to allow truths to be spoken. My truth may not sit well with you, but I would ask you to respect my perspective.

  2. yogasamurai says:

    Flute, there's a full-scale gender war on these days. Men know this. Suit up! Truces are fine, well, for holidays. You must be out of ammo. I understand. Lovingly, YS.

  3. Jonathan says:

    My recent ex-partner sent this to me, and I am touched by the sentiment (both yours and hers). And it does mean a lot to see it from a woman.
    I'm not sure "there are days when I might feel like I‘d make a better man!" is ever going to be received well though! There are days when I'm sure I'd make a much better woman than any of the women I've known. But I'd much rather see them doing it, and shaming their efforts wouldn't help in the slightest.
    I also find it hard to acknowledge awe at "that wonderful female ability to multi-task" when it is so often cited as a triumph over our wonderful male ability to focus on a single goal and see it through. I like to see both honoured (And maybe you do but simply haven't spoken it here).
    But those minor niggles aside, I think this is a very honest piece, and opens up a vulnerability that has often been overlooked by us men. Thank you for taking the trouble.

    • Freya Watson singingflute1 says:

      Communication is a funny thing :) And it seems as if my languaging hasn't quite hit the mark with all my readers, which is not surprising. Let me speak it simply here: I think we are all very individual, whether men or women, and I believe we all need to be acknowldedged as such. I generally run shy of making male/female distinctions, as I'm not sure they're helpful. In no way do I believe that women would make better men or that multi-tasking is the way to go – but I do see that there are (not-so-good) days when that is how many of us act. Really, the prompting behind the article was a 'hey, we're not perfect – if you're apologising (aimed at the 'sacred masculine'), then hear us too please'.

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