Dear Ex-wife: Can I at Least Get My Balls Back? ~ Rebekah McClaskey

Via on Jul 18, 2012


Editor’s Note: This is hypothetical satire intended to normalize the range of thoughts and emotions that occur after a break-up/divorce/separation.

Dear Ex-wife: For months, all I could focus on was how ready I was to get this over with. 

Every conversation with you was like the Battle of Little Big Horn. I didn’t know if I was going to get divorced or buy the Yankees. The negotiations felt the same.

Now that I’ve put pen to paper and the courts have finalized the deal, I feel like I was promised the Yankees but was given the forever cursed Red Sox. The funny thing is you think I don’t care. You thought the affair was about you. You thought the nights I actually worked late, so I could earn vacation time for our second honeymoon, was a selfish act. I can’t even begin to talk about the kids with you. As it turns out, I felt ready to get this over with, but I wasn’t prepared.

Time keeps folding over on itself. It is difficult to decipher how eight years of marriage feels like it lasted forever and three years of divorce proceedings feels like it went by in a flash now that it’s over. It seemed like it took forever for the house to sell. I found a nice apartment to move into. Although, I don’t have much to move into it.

My place is almost ready for the kids to be able to come over and to stay the night. Fuck, I hate you so much. Actually, I hate…I don’t know what I hate.

People know about the divorce. But, I don’t really talk about it because I get one of two reactions. They change the subject or offer up, “That sucks man. She was a bitch anyway.” The only thing that makes sense is waking up, going to work, working long hours, keeping busy and spending time with my sons.

You know what? You are such a c*nt. We figured out how to shuttle the kids back and forth between visitations. But, what you haven’t figured out is that we are not married anymore. In case you have forgotten, I’m the father to our two sons—my two boys. I don’t need a tutorial every time you drop them off. I don’t need you to tell me their school schedule, what they eat, and if I need to wipe their asses! I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life anymore.

I would never say this to the boys because I love them so much, but it is totally f*cked up that you are their mother. They have no clue what a b*tch you are. And good for them because I want them to grow up and think that women are beautiful.

Of the few possessions I have left, I still have one wedding picture. You were beautiful. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever met. Remember that time at the fraternity party when I spilled beer on your dress and instead of getting upset, you just took off the dress and spent the rest of the night in one of my t-shirts and your panties? What happened to that girl? I remember her. I remember who I was when I was around her. No matter how busy I make myself, I still remember.

Sometimes, it gets deadly quiet at my place around two or three in the morning. Even the sh*tty television infomercials don’t drown out the quiet. I now understand the irony of feeling numb. I lay awake at night and hear the rise and fall of my lungs inhale and exhale. It feels as if something inside me collapsed. I can’t really attest to what. All I know is that having a woman touch me makes me feels as if I can breathe again. I never imagined I would be in this place or feel these things.

I never imagined saying “I do” would result in this. But, the reality is, it wasn’t working for a long time. Now here we both are. The jacked-up thing is that I still love you and you think I am the Anti-Christ.

I can’t believe you are dating someone else already! Whatever. I’ve had sex with three women since the divorce was final and four if you count the one during our separation. Damn it, why did I tell you that? I’m going to say something to you that I said to a friend. It shocked me when I heard the words come out of my mouth. “I can’t differentiate between my feelings of failure and how love feels.” I can tell you this— I’m never getting married again.

Why would you invite me to your wedding?! Did you need a babysitter for the kids? You are a crazy…there are not enough words to describe how infuriating it is to deal with this. With you.

I bought a sports car today and I won’t be coming to your wedding. But, thanks for relieving me of alimony payments. Thanks for getting all the clutter out of my life including all the things I slaved to pay for and you now own. Thanks for pointing out that I was too inept to even “have an affair correctly” because I came clean after the first and only time it happened. Thanks for dragging the divorce out three years. But, mostly, thank you for teaching me to avoid women like you. I’m in a new relationship now. She is fun, spontaneous, and most of all, nothing like you.

In closing, will you please f*ck off.

~

Author’s Note: First off, let me say I’m sorry. I’m sorry if this letter is a poor depiction of what you have been through and I am sorry if it isn’t exactly what you have endured. Secondly, I’d like to say good for you for being brave enough to fall in love, negotiate the terms of life with your wife, and for doing your best. Don’t misunderstand me when I say “best”. I don’t mean you got everything perfect. Rather, I mean you were a human fraught with mistakes and yet you woke-up every day and took care of the task at hand. I’m also sorry if this doesn’t describe you because the fact of the matter is you may have failed miserably. You may still be failing even though you are not married any longer.

I’d also like to welcome you to life—to the full spectrum of emotion, failings and all. I know that under the pain, betrayal and your mind engrossed in what if’s there is a knowing that you will come back from this.

You may have thought you would get dealt a different deal. You may have thought, “That only happens to other people.” Welcome to realization. Sometimes we need to be slapped awake. Suffice to say, you have been b*tch-slapped. But, it doesn’t end with a red mark on your face and your balls chopped off. You can choose to fully return to life by rising to the challenge, by getting to know your unique strengths, cultivating them, and like a true warrior does, make each moment matter because the warrior knows at any minute he could die. Divorce is like a death. Take the good with the bad. It is easier said than done. Do it anyway and know this—you die like you live. All of it counts!

 

Rebekah McClaskey is the creator of Break-up Rehab and the founder of Transform Now Counseling. She graduated with her Master’s in Counseling from Naropa University in the spring of 2011. Rebekah has four years experience in the field of psychology and she specializes in transforming suffering into victory. In other words, she is skilled at assisting you in answering the question, “Now what do I do?” You can learn more about Rebekah and about Break-up Rehab at transformnowcounseling.com. And you can find Rebekah on her FB page, Love Improv. You can follow her on twitter at TNC_Lovenow.

~

Editor: Lori Lothian

Like elephant Love on Facebook.


 

 

About Rebekah McClaskey

As an Intuitive Relationship Counselor, I help revolutionize relationships by changing the way break-ups are experienced. I guide my clients in uncovering the wisdom they already have so that they can move forward with purpose and power. I'm the proud Author of Break-up Rehab: start over stronger. The book is currently in production and I need support. You can learn more at my Indiegogo Campaign page. Thanks for reading. If you want more of what I have to share contact me at my website, connect with me on my Facebook page and on Twitter.

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20 Responses to “Dear Ex-wife: Can I at Least Get My Balls Back? ~ Rebekah McClaskey”

  1. Siona says:

    It seems it's true that "life imitates art" – your piece may be satirical, however I felt I was reading the "script" from a friend's current divorce experience. Excrutiating to observe, and at the same time, makes me full of compassion for the anger and the pain and the hurt and the longing. Thanks for writing this.

    • daniellaterry93 says:

      I must admit, this caster dr.marnish is real. i called dr.marnish +15036626930 when my boyfriend departed from me. but since my boyfriend came back I definitely believe dr.marnish@ yahoo.com is real
      Daniella Terry

  2. Rebekah McClaskey Rebekah says:

    Going through divorce takes a lot of energy. We can often lose ourselves in the process. I wrote this piece to give voice to all the emotions that come up in this major life transition. Thank you so much for reading!

  3. HVBB says:

    I detest that it is the male that is demonized in this letter.
    I have a spouse that "found her truth through yoga", knocked out my teeth, destroyed my life, and then went traveling the world, stringing me along with divorce or no divorce, constantly saying

    "I have not made that decision yet."

    Via skype or email.

    Why is it that women always demonize the male, when it's been shown women have been just as evil, if not worse than most men?

    How many articles have been written on Elephant Journal alone about how the roles have been reversed, yet the old stand by still seems to be that the MALE is the one that fucked up?

    • HVBB says:

      My spouse turned out to be a cluster of disorders she hid from me for years, but her family apparently knew when they kicked her out of the house and pawned her off on me. Then, after I helped her acheive success, they welcomed her back with open arms, as though nothing ever happened.

      The entire family has a coplete lack of empathy, which they state is the yogic and buddhist way (which I have practiced and lived for over 22 years, and therefore know is not true.)

      Spiritual materialism and boomeritis buddhism rules the day these days.

      Yes, nice article.

      Nice article indeed.

  4. Ronna Holtz ronna26 says:

    You are fantastic.

  5. freed says:

    I live in united state, Two years ago i married a lady called saline, we had two children together, we were very happy to be husband and wife, so when i travel on business trip to Brazil, i spent 1 years in Brazil due to my kind of business, i and my wife talked on phone all the time, we chat on the Internet, i never knew that my wife had started cheating on me by going out with her old school friend called mark, i never knew something was going wrong till i came back from my trip, then i and My wife started having problems, she goes out and come back late at night, she changed in a strange way that i could not endure, i tried to do everything to please her but it got worst, so one day she left the house and never came back, i tried reaching her but no way i could reach her, i never knew she traveled with her new lover which was mark, i wanted her so much because of the children she left for me and because i loved her so much too, because of the heart break she put me into, i went into search of a real magic spell caster I was scammed twice by a spell caster, but I never relented in my search because I want a happy life with my wife, so one morning i saw testimony about a spell caster prophet harry, so i contacted him and to my greatest surprise this dr okogie you can contact him on okogiepowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com made life manful for me again, my wife came back to me, i took her back and I am now settled with my wife by the magic power of okogiepowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com

  6. Dave says:

    Hello my name is Dave,
    When i had issues with a relationship, of more than 6 years, with the prospect of getting married but my girl friend broke my heart when she came across her ex from colledge i was unhappy because we i was so fond of her and love her so much. until i came across on this site about Dr. Orinoko who did a spell for me and it was like a dream turned reality, the spell worked and my girlfriend then in now my wife and we are expecting our second child after a year now. So get back with you love life and be happy, you can call him on +447024031592 or email him on orinokosolutiontemple1@gmail.com

  7. Susan says:

    I am 48 years old, I am married for 20yrs now and I have suffered hell in the hands of my parents in-law, just because I am unable to bear a child, they have done all sort of everything to make sure I part with my husband. my husband has waited to the extent that he went having an affair outside our marriage due to pressure from his family. Just 4months ago here, I met with an old friend of mine and I told him about my critical life in my matrimonial home. He felt my pains and told me to meet a spell woman online who has helped so many people on issue even worse than that. I decided to meet the spell woman on the her email he gave me priestessifaa@yahoo.com., Unbelievably I told the spell lady my problems and he welcome me and asked me to leave all to her to handle, She told me that I would see result on the first night with my husband. Just as she says I got pregnant after a one night stand, It happened so easy like her powers has the key to open all doors. Am 7months pregnant now and has done a scanning to know its a boy. My family is so happy and my husband has promised me a car already all for the help of priestess Ifaa.
    I owe this spell lady everything. she extremely powerful and strong with her powers and very encouraging.

  8. janine says:

    I just want to share my experience and testimony here.. I was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but I still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost? then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and I didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster? so I decided to try it reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address spirituallove@hotmail.com, his spells is for a better life. again his email is spirituallove@hotmail.com.

  9. Tracy says:

    My name is Tracy and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I
    caught him of having an affair with my best friend and i insult him. I
    want him
    back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so
    confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help
    and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex
    back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to
    him…..He cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will
    return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came
    knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my
    love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married.
    Once again thank you Dr Awase, you are truly talented and gifted. He
    is the only answer to any relationship problem.He can be of great help
    and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man
    contact him: email address drawasesolutionhome@gmail.com

    My name is Tracy and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I
    caught him of having an affair with my best friend and i insult him. I
    want him
    back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so
    confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help
    and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex
    back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to
    him…..He cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will
    return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came
    knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my
    love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married.
    Once again thank you Dr Awase, you are truly talented and gifted. He
    is the only answer to any relationship problem.He can be of great help
    and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man
    contact him: email address drawasesolutionhome@gmail.com

    My name is Tracy and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I
    caught him of having an affair with my best friend and i insult him. I
    want him
    back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so
    confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help
    and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex
    back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to
    him…..He cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will
    return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came
    knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my
    love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married.
    Once again thank you Dr Awase, you are truly talented and gifted. He
    is the only answer to any relationship problem.He can be of great help
    and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man
    contact him: email address drawasesolutionhome@gmail.com

    My name is Tracy and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I
    caught him of having an affair with my best friend and i insult him. I
    want him
    back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so
    confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help
    and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex
    back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to
    him…..He cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will
    return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came
    knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my
    love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married.
    Once again thank you Dr Awase, you are truly talented and gifted. He
    is the only answer to any relationship problem.He can be of great help
    and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man
    contact him: email address drawasesolutionhome@gmail.com

  10. Mary Achums says:

    what a lovely year to start with, having my boyfriend back after four months of ill communication and heart break. i sincerely from the dept of my heart thank chief Obi_Akpo for bringing back my man within the very short period of five days. presently my boyfriend is so lovely, caring and understanding thank you so much great one'
    for help and counseling, you can get in touch with him through this email address: chiefobiakposolutionground@gmail.com because he is a rear, real, lovely and wonderful counselor i have ever seen
    Mary Achums
    Holland

  11. Anita says:

    what a wonderful man who has brought light to my life,my god will continues to bless him for his work of spell caster because he has help me with his spell caster work.i must confess that this man is bless with his wonderful power as a spell caster and i must thank my friend Judith who introduce me to this wonderful man the spell caster who make me find happiness in my life again,after 1 week when this wonderful man cast spell for me my life change automatically my Divorce wife who has left me for another man for the pass 4 years came back to me for forgiveness which i never hesitate to accept him back and now my family is very happy that we are together with my two kids contact him his name is Prist Oludumare and sell or email him via;VOODUSLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM

  12. DIANA says:

    Hi My name is DIANA just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 4 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com

    Hi My name is DIANA just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 4 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com

    Hi My name is DIANA just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 4 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com

  13. kim says:

    Hello every one, i have been through series of spell caster and no one of them has been able to get my lost love of two years back which i cherish so much, then i lost all hopes and decided to let go. Then i pop into this email address on the internet that he is capable of bringing back lost love no matter how far and how worse the condition may have been and then i decided to give it a try and the to my greatest surprise it worked for me. How he did it, i don't know till now that we are about getting married and he told me that nothing can separate us and that the spell is only working in accordance with my heart desire. i can never thank him enough because what he did for me was unbelievable, i would strongly advice the use of his services when it come to getting ex back. i am talking about priestandrew91@yahoo.com, i don't know if any of you have heard of him. He is an honest man………..ALL THANKS BE UNTO HIS NAME

  14. bestspellcaster09775 says:

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  15. bestspellcaster09775 says:

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  16. Ben says:

    I am converted from a skeptic into a true believer. I was deep in credit card debt and couldn't pay my bills. I was always worried and stressed out. I came to Online Spells and cast the Money Spell. Next thing I know, I won a sweepstakes and $10,000! Now, I am out of debt and stress free. Thanks Online Spells!"Email:
    ogbefispell@gmail.com

  17. kelvin says:

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  18. sonia says:

    My career was downhill… being an artist has never been the best business unless you are on the top (and to keep there is the hardest part too!). When I came to you I was almost unknown! i felt so depress cause I wasn't 15 and my clock was ticking! Thanx to change that in a such effective way!!!!! I love you indianspell@hotmail.com, guys. I hope u understand that I want to keep my identity confidential. XOXO

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