Making Unknowable Love.

Via on Jul 12, 2012

black and white lovemaking

He gazed inside me with careful tenderness, he embraced me with his breathing heat, a magnet to my pleasure.

He caressed every cell with nothing but his electricity, the weight of a hundred men hovering above. He seized my flesh and devoured it, satisfied with every bite from his supple steady hands. He searched my body with his starved tongue.

He had no plan. He was going somewhere, everywhere it didn’t matter, every taste was his destination.

He blessed my body with his, kissing without the mashing of lips, just air and fire.

Sweat leaked from every pore, mixing with his, until we turned to liquid. I was swimming in ecstasy, no orgasm, only deathless bliss. We melted in our fevered desire.

Silence was our serenade, but then, from somewhere trapped in the deepness, my voice of passion was unleashed. My knowledge disappeared. I couldn’t speak, words suffocated as my heart began to scream.

I reached for him, but I couldn’t touch, he wouldn’t let me. He ached for my release, and as he pulsed through me, he broke me. He broke me open from the earth to the air. I craved myself, I grasped and clawed. I yearned to kiss every piece of me, pleasure and pain, all of it at once.

I gasped for breath and drowned in my guilt, my doubt, my unknowingness, my torment. My numbness evaporated as the needles of confusion injected me with consciousness, and I wept.

Naked, exposed, ravaged, nurtured, held, I mourned myself. I mourned the death of my frailty.

I’m not weak, I’m powerful.

He ripped the weakness away and there I was: beautiful, perfect, wise and seen. He sees me without knowing why or asking why. No question of my presence. I am nothing to him, but me.

No sound, no word, no look, no action could turn him away. He protects me, he warms my fragility with his courage. He broke me and he will never allow me to be fixed. I’m irreparable because now, I’m me: quiet, speechless, unable to lead, shattered from the outside, in.

The outside vanished as he looked at me and saw himself. He ate me whole and refused to spit me out.

I’m terrified this is it, and the search is over. We are the intention. We are the harbor and now all that’s left to do, is be. It isn’t sexual, it isn’t emotional, it isn’t mental, it isn’t any of that, it’s peace. It’s foreign. It’s the clouds. I can’t hold it. I can’t describe it. I don’t know it. It’s not worldly or real, it just is.

It’s love.

~ Rebecca Lammersen

 

~

Editor: Kate Bartolotta

Like elephant journal gets sexy on Facebook.

About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, a donation based yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. Check out Rebecca's website and her articles at The Huffington Post. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

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54 Responses to “Making Unknowable Love.”

  1. kevin says:

    this is absolutely beautiful. thank you for putting it into words.

  2. ratpack says:

    This is immensely beatiful, wonderful, incredible.

    Just Love…

    Thank you for your gift of words.

  3. Jort says:

    Isn't that picture the album cover of one of Washed Out's albums?

    • I found the pic through elephant. Just looked up Washed Out, you are right, it is! It's a hot pic, that's for sure. Never heard of Washed Out, but now I'm gonna have to check him out :) Thanks for introducing me to some new music this morning. Rebecca

      • meaningfulsock says:

        The album is "Within and Without". It would be a great soundtrack to the piece you have just written – they are both beautiful.

  4. nikki says:

    wow, I don't take the time to comment very often…but you've seriously got a way with words. beautiful!

  5. Phew! After reading this I feel like this happened to me–oh, wait, it has happened to me. :-) Beautifully evocative.

  6. glenn says:

    simply incredible. thank you.

  7. ... says:

    it happened to me too…u almost got me in tears here…it is still happening, though it scares me, so my mind tells me to run away from it, to not believe it…it's a tough one :)

  8. [...] I came out five years ago, relationship wasn’t on my mind at all. I had a few flings but once I got deeper into both Buddhism and writing, I just didn’t feel the need to be with [...]

  9. beautiful. I feel lucky to be able to relate to this … and appreciate the reminder.

  10. [...] on her sofa, things began to get a little more heated. It definitely felt like the night we would make love for the first [...]

  11. [...] get me wrong. It isn’t always this painfully overdramatic. In fact, some of the sweetest and most powerful love-making I’ve ever experienced occurred in the days following that [...]

  12. Aphrodite says:

    Perhaps the most beautiful, complete, perfect description of love I've ever read. Thank-you… :)

  13. Debbie says:

    Lovely, lovely words. Married 33 years. Together with my dear man 39. Could not have written it better. Thank you

  14. yoga bear says:

    I am a new reader and I am constantly amazed at the beautiful writing on this site. It makes me wish that I was able to be able to express myself so succinctly.

  15. [...] I read my poem. On cue my music started. With no thought in mind I began to spin. Whirling like a dervish in the center of 100 people, in a dance for Aphrodite, this dance became a prayer. It became a call to a beloved—a lover that could take me to God. [...]

  16. [...] a moment (let’s all, shall we) to recognize precisely how blessed you are to have created such intensely loving, ecstatic experiences for yourself. It’s beautiful, and shows that you are an adept surfer of the proverbial wave, able [...]

  17. [...] my lovers hands, mouth, genitals. My turn-on lies not just in how much I am feeling, but also in how much I am being felt. From my perspective, phallic toys have very little to give in the mutually interactive [...]

  18. [...] lies in her experience. In her immersion—when her body, her soul, her spirit is engulfed in a wave of crashing ecstasy. Warm, warped, heated, burnt. Sear her skin with a burning fire and all things change. Everything [...]

  19. David Esotica says:

    *clap clap clap clap*

  20. Aaaaaand curtsy :-) Thank you David!

  21. [...] used to crave being held down with force and violated. This felt safer to me than making love. I was conditioned early in life to disassociate from my body. To shut down and protect my purity [...]

  22. Jen says:

    I recently experienced this & couldn’t put it into words but you did for me!! Amazing…thank you for sharing <3

  23. Bernie says:

    So well written! Thank you for this post, best thing I have read all day!

  24. [...] Oh, and if he can’t talk about sex and his fantasies with ease, or he giggles like a 12-year-old when he says “vagina” or “penis,” he has no clue how to make love. [...]

  25. cda says:

    So eloquently and blissfully expressed. May we all know this love. Thank you.

  26. charliehaskins says:

    Goodness Me! Stunning writing! Absolutely beautiful.

  27. I heard everything you said. And I cried.

    I feel grateful, so grateful that you placed this kind of sacred experience into words. Words are so limited in their expression, but some how even with that in mind, you broke through its restrictive barriers and reached a rare level of communication that was able to ignite a remembering of that deeply held feeling, possibly not even yet experienced in this live, but rather a recall of a memory lifetimes past, that is still intuitively very present. And all it took was one read through this, to know and to remember.

    A very beautiful mind and beautiful expression Rebecca, thank you.

  28. pamperouss says:

    i felt everything in every word. it took me back to a night of exactly the same experience 5 nights ago. thankyou for giving my experience verbal expression. simply beautiful, just like my night …. if i dont have anything else like that again, i have that & your words……….thank-you.

  29. Shean says:

    simply awesome…very beautiful

  30. Rick says:

    Your words ignited memories and feelings of someone special. It's always good to have those thoughts from time to time. Thank you.

  31. astha rakesh says:

    I m speechless……….. it touched my heart n soul…… ….d mind which was in enigma … u gave d true description… <3

  32. Paige says:

    absolutely stunning! These are the words I have been searching for. Thank you.

  33. Bob Antol says:

    Wow, I have never heard it expressed so aptly, so beautifully. If I could have expressed the love-making between my wife of 41 years and myself, this would be it. You have described so well the intentional aspect of the male partner, I can only hope my wife feels the same emotions and thoughts of the female partner. That is what is intended. Love does not take, but rather gives. It is a gift we give to each other expecting nothing in return. It is also a gift we need to learn to receive in the manner it is given. The value of the gift is not within its' size or cost but determined by the appreciation of the receiver. Thus, you have given me a gift of words and thoughts that I hope my loved one shares.

  34. Ric Gainer says:

    I really hope you’re still with this person. Please? For my hope….

  35. Sherri says:

    Thank you for writing so passionately about something so many refuse to even discuss behind closed doors with their partners. Every woman should have the experience of being undone in this manner and reaching a place of peace, of just being and knowing all she is to her man is her, nothing more, nothing less.

  36. zondra3triana says:

    its beautiful!! you describe perfectly something that most of us cannot put into words!! Bravo!!

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