How to Get a Ring on Your Yoga Girl’s Finger
So you met one of us and have managed to pass go and collect your 200 dollars. Now you’re thinking you’d like to use those dollars for an engagement ring.
The only problem is getting it on her finger and making sure it stays there. After all, she’s a yoga goddess. A member of rare breed known for its complicated, changeable and hardheaded nature.
She isn’t going to be easy to convince you know. Especially since she’s already dedicated her life to one thing and one thing only—the pursuit of truth, with a capital T. Which may or may not include ever exchanging formal vows with you.
So, you got a lot of obstacles to overcome if you’re ever going to get a ring on your yogi’s finger. Luckily for you, most of us have been raised with just enough fairy tales and Barbie Dream Cars that we’re not opposed to you trying.
And since us yoga goddesses can be such a mystery, here are some things that might help you get a “yes” when you’re down on one knee.
1. Marry Yourself First
Yes, I know. Something along these lines is the mantra of every relationship book, self-help website and dating guru. But it’s that for a reason. It’s important.
If you aren’t so wildly, madly, totally in love with yourself and your life, how the hell do you expect anyone else to be?
Being confident, involved and committed to yourself and your hobbies will make you more interesting, genuine and attractive. All things you’re going to need to be if you two are in it for the long haul, B-O-R-I-N-G and F-A-K-E spells the end of the relationship in yoga girl speak.
So first things first, put a ring on your own finger and keep it there even if you get one on hers.
2. Believe in Something Bigger
God. Buddha. The 49ers ability to win the Super Bowl. It doesn’t much matter what it is, but you have to have something bigger than your blessed union to put your faith in.
People suck sometimes. I will. You will. Your beloved yoga goddess will. It’s just how this works. But that thing that’s outside of your relationship, it will never let you down. And that’s going to be important for those moments when there’s no toilet paper in the house, the kid just threw up everywhere and she’s three days away from starting her period.
So find something to devote yourself to and thank it regularly (you are marrying a yoga goddess after all). It also helps to curse it instead of her (a hint that might save you some sleepless nights in the doghouse).
3. Get Your Shit Together
Sort through, tidy up and neatly attend to the baggage we all come with. This includes your appearance, lifestyle, habits, patterns, physical space, finances, family drama, childhood traumas, etc. Anything that’s sitting around collecting dust, not serving you or her has to go. Yes, even that. Get the help of a professional if you have to (but please don’t ask your yoga goddess, she does this for other people all day long she doesn’t need to come home and do it for you too).
This is important because relationships are messy. Especially ones with yoga goddesses. Messes piled on top of messes are how people become stars on Hoarders.
So do you and your yogini a favor by starting “forever” off with a clean slate. And don’t worry about all that newly acquired open space, you two will fill it with your own shit soon enough
4. Know How to Kill the Bear and Write Poetry
There’s an ebb and flow to relationships. Sometimes she’ll need you to hunt, protect and provide: to kill the bear and drag it home. Other times she’s going to need to do that herself. Which means you’re going to have to get comfortable being open, receptive, flexible and possibly crying (maybe even in public) at times.
However, you must know the appropriate time to apply each skill. Otherwise, you’re sure to be cursing whatever it is you believe in while sleeping out in the doghouse.
While this list may not be a surefire way to get your yoga goddess to the altar, it is a way to open yourself up to love. And frankly, the world could use all the love it can get—whether it works out with your yoga girl or not.
Sara McKeown is just like every other yogi, except she hates coconut water. When she’s not perfecting her Downward Facing Dog or teaching other people how to perfect theirs, she can be found eating avocados, doodling in her journal, talking with her hands, microwaving her non-dairy ice cream, daydreaming about having Ira Glass’s babies, debating which book to stick her nose in or helping people live their best lives through her work as a counselor and wellness coach. Send her love notes at [email protected] or come along with her on her journey by checking out her blog, My Great Leap.
Editor: Kate Bartolotta
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. How My Sister’s Death Transformed my Self-Perception.