Sex, Relationships & Letting Go.

Via on Sep 1, 2012


Photo credit: Juliana Coutinho

We had just finished making love and I had risen from bed to go do a headstand.

I was there in the same room, doing my thing when suddenly, I felt a punch in the gut; something didn’t feel right. I wasn’t quite sure what it was but I noticed it—hmm, ok, that feeling is there.

I went back to bed to lay down next to him—and that’s when I saw.

Damn it.

There’s a dude in my bed, we just f*cked and now homeboy is texting some chick—and she’s sending him pictures of herself.

Ugh—for real? This is really happening.

Reflecting back now, I’m surprised that I didn’t get angry…that emotion just didn’t arise.

I suppose that’s proof spiritual practice really does work.

“How many relationships are you in?” I asked.

It took him a while to respond. I was laying there, waiting, curiously wondering what the answer would be. 

I wonder what he’s going to say.

Silence, breathing—I’m not sure how much time actually went by—but it felt like an eternity.

“Four,” he finally replied.


Not just two, but four.

I almost started laughing.

Aw, man…really? Damn it.

This story again. I sure wasn’t expecting that slap in the face. That’s the thing about not having any expectations—sometimes it’ll kick you in the ass, especially when the news is even more unexpected than the “unexpected.”

Ouch, there’s that feeling in my heart. I haven’t felt that in a long, long time. Years. Definitely not unchartered territory but hasn’t been trekked in a while.

I know I’m all zen and understanding about it—my mind gets it but the feeling still hurts. It was nice to be reminded. That’s the thing about letting people into your heart—each time, we’re taking a chance, we’re gauging, is this person trustworthy enough for my heart to be safe in their hands?

At what level are we allowing each person—or thing—to enter into the chambers and quarters of our heart? And to what level?

That’s the question that will lead you to the answer.

All the heartbreaks I’ve had (I’ve had a lot) and all the heart openings I’ve had (and wow, I’ve had even more) are opportunities for ourselves to gain deeper a understanding, greater knowledge and refinement on what we need—and what we’d like to attract into our lives.

The capacity in which we are able to hold the container of love just grows and grows and grows.

Each relationship and experience is a stepping stone to lead to the next experience, taking with you what you’ve learned from the most latest of happenings.

In my case, what perimeters do I need to feel safe and held for my heart to be completely open, free and vulnerable?

Which is the state I want to be in fully, if I am to be with a partner. Trust is earned and given, not something to be haphazardly and aimlessly thrown around.

And, now, I know I can’t be with someone who has four partners. Good on ya if you’re down for that kind of party; it’s just not the way my boat rocks or how I want to sail my ship…not the kind of flower I want to be watering or giving light.

I want to be feel completely free with my man, not have to hold up walls or boundaries or shields. Home is where we shed all the layers of protection off to be completely and wholly cared for, naked, held and supported.

It’s a place to rest. Deep, deep rest.

Be wise with your decisions. Wherever you place your attention, your energy flows.

Choose with compassion for yourself—where do you wish to place your focus? What plants are you nurturing and nourishing?

This whole new earth, new way of being and new paradigm of relationships thing is great—it gives the space and opening for more questions for truth seekers to ask and explore what really is true for their own selves, outside of the fragmented, traditional or “old” ways of being, when engaging in relationship.

Although, be sure to check in with yourself with what is just a mere concept of a new way versus what is really true for you?

I used to repel against anything conventional or traditional, as I saw any notion of tradition as a mere illusion of permanence.

What I see along my own journey is that I don’t have to rebel against everything, just because it’s conventional. Yes, I’m not going to be the most conventional person you know—but I can still place myself accordingly and remove myself accordingly to what’s most in resonance to what feels good for me—whether that may fall into the category of “conventional” or not.

Vanilla ice cream is just as good, sometimes even better than a crazy, overly rich and decadent ice cream sundae with nuts—and chocolate and cherries and bananas and all that extra fluff.

We have the power to pick up the needle and play another groove—at any and every moment. If you don’t like the song, sing a different melody.

It’s your life—don’t be afraid to be the main character of your script; all the other players are meant to show you something to bring you back ever more closer to yourself.

The first step for making space is letting go.

Say thank you and send them on their way.

When traveling began to be an integral part of my lifestyle, a dear friend said to me, “There are friends, lovers and family waiting to meet you all over the world. Go meet them.”

So let’s go—let’s go meet them.


Editor: Bryonie Wise

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About Chloe Park

Chloe Park is an Artist, Spiritual Teacher, Yoga and Meditation Instructor, Holistic Healing Practitioner, Life Coach, Women's Empowerment Leader, Social Change Activist and Ethnobotanist. A traveling Healer and Teacher, she roams the Earth to share her message: unconditional love, self-healing and awakening. She uses the medium of writing, holistic healing, medicinal plants, yoga and meditation to help all those along the Path to attain harmony with mind, body and spirit. She is devoted to facilitating the space for Healing, Love and Truth and is passionate about bringing ancient practices and traditions into the modern times we live. Her intention with her writing is to offer Q&A for all those who are engaged in the dialogue. Chloe also writes for MindBodyGreen, Healthline, WorldLifestyle, and Yahoo Shine!. To stay connected with her current projects, retreats, teachings and traveling schedule, find her on Facebook: or visit her website: Spiritual counseling and life coaching sessions with Chloe are available via Skype. May we all wake up together. ॐ


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13 Responses to “Sex, Relationships & Letting Go.”

  1. @Joanespring says:

    The time to ask how many partners someone has, may be before you sleep with them. This is also a good idea if you don't want to end up sleeping with someone else's mate, if that also is a place you'd rather not be.
    Just a thought.

    • Thaddeus Haas Thaddeus1 says:

      Oh, Joanespring…that whole brahmacarya aspect is soooo last year…wait, hold on, what's that…oh yeah, just my tongue in my cheek…let me fix that…wow, okay…that's better…I say you don't let any author tell you what his or her piece is about, unless of course, s/he is willing to take an honest look at what you have to say.

      I think you make a good point and one worthy of some serious reflection by us all. Just a thought.

  2. chloe says:

    Dear Joanespring, you've missed the whole point of the article. That information and minute details of this scenario are frivolous next to the message in this piece. Which is this: Experiment with TRUTH. Please look a little deeper than the surface.

    • sally says:

      the time to find out how many sex partners a person has is BEFORE sleeping and hooking up wiht and havign sex with.. BEFORE

  3. solfulsoul says:

    Honor is the armor of the heart.

  4. Karla Rae says:

    thank you! this is exactly what i needed to read today. blessings to you on your journey.

  5. spiritual doesnt mean being walked on says:

    I have to agree, although we all make the same mistakes, trust shouldn’t be placed in the bed of someone you do not know very well. If you desire a certain type of relaionship, work is required to attain it. It is possible to have an open heart and free spirit, while still guarding both from hurt. Dealing with unexpected pain is a part of life, but we should be wary of actions without contemplation.

  6. Jordan says:

    Often the anger comes later full of regret and self torment. With practice the red strength capacity could blow through that bowl of vanilla ice cream leaving it empty, tender, and open for new bold adventures. And then a higher sense of value may come to trully discriminate between those people that are really there for us, or just playing with your easy going nature. Stand up with passion…

  7. Daniel says:

    Thanks, Chloe. Very insightful. I've only been in monogamous relationships in the recent past and am going through a shift to wanting to experiment and explore while learning more about myself. My name is Daniel, I'm a massage therapist and deeply caring to people and their hearts. It is a challenge for me right now and I am upfront about my intentions/ position, yet still worry about harming women by opening and activating them and not committing to relationship with them. I keep going back to my truth, because protocols don't fit my many different impulses, desires, big picture needs, love for self/ others, etc. I like that you can blend opposite energies ( convention/ nonconvention) , when we learn this as a species we will not be bamboozled any longer, but be conscious creaters, free of the shackles of blind imitation. Beautiful article and so are you ((( <3 )))

  8. nunh says:

    Interesting and thought provoking.

  9. Mike Felber says:

    Testing pictures with another girl after sex is certainly thoughtless & not being present. And all should choose what they can handle & protect their heart. Though what we initially like or not often is rooted not only in convention, but Ego.

    I never have dated a bunch of ladies at once,but people can do the same things from many distinct levels. If I care about someone & she was being safe & seeing 4 guys for any # of healthy reasons-emotional intimacy, love, fun, even just to a degree thrills-I think the "container of my love" should accept that. But most all would be immediately threatened because they equate monogamy with caring & maturity, when folks can be unevolved or the opposite from many lifestyles.

    Though this guy sounds like he was not really honoring your time together or considerate.

  10. Hm…and with all due respect….your friend should have included…there are friends, lovers and famly waiting but be sure to know the difference.

    Often we can tell about a guy BEFORE we get into bed with them. Usually the signs are there….albeit small or not so obvious…..but we fail to miss the clues. It all depends on what you are looking for….and in the end not putting too much emotional weight in a one-night stand.

    Best in your journey…

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