The Spiritual Dos & Don’ts of Being with a Woman.

Via on Nov 9, 2012

(Via Misanthropoet Tumblr)

The (truly) Spiritual Dos & Don’ts of Being with a Woman.

It’s always been my dream to travel the world.

Ever since I was a little girl, I remember being so fascinated by maps and globes—stunned frozen whenever I would see one, my attention diving into the myriad of countries and lands of our home planet, Earth.

With my line of work as a spiritual teacher, healer, life coach and writer, I’m able to travel a lot. This past year has seen the most work travel I’ve had the opportunity to do thus far. I’m blessed.

What’s unique about my life is that when I travel, I don’t go in to other countries as a tourist. There’s a fundamental difference between being a tourist versus being a traveler. I stay long enough to experience the culture, society, the framework in which each country lives. This year, I’ve been a part of many different cultures and subcultures within Mexico, Bali and in the United States—Los Angeles, San Francisco, Oregon…to name a few.

Each place has a particular energy, a different way of life. And what’s most interesting is what—on a collective level—is important to the people of each town, city or country; how their minds and bodyminds are wired. I feel fortunate to be both a temporary inside participant and onlooker from the outside.

I’m fascinated by people. I’m curious about personal stories, life paths, the struggles and challenges we all face, the highs, the joys, the passions and elations, the relationships one has with oneself and others. I love it all. I love humans. I love my fellow species.

So, doing what I do—living, working, traveling, moving through time and space on this planet—means I get to be a part of so many communities and encounter very special friendships and form relationships with people from all over the globe.

One thing seems to be a common theme throughout exploring human interactions.

Dynamics between lovers.

In the time we’re living in, people are wanting more than what we knew to be a “relationship.” People are wanting a real connection, a spiritual as well as physical union, a full on partnership to embark upon the world…together. The old ways of relating just don’t work anymore.

Saying this, through personal experience as well as being in dialogue and conversation with other women and men, it’s rare to meet a man who’s done the work to know the difference between his dick, his mind and his heart. The unwanted attentions, these manipulated/perverted/unpure actions, manifest as weird ego/power games from these so-called spiritual men. It’s tricky with these guys, because they’ve got the whole lingo down—they know the vocabulary, they’ve read the books, intellectually they get it. But when they show themselves, their heart and their spirit are not embodied. They just don’t live up to what’s spewing out of their mouths.

Their dick runs their actions, instead of the pure motives of their heart. It takes a wise man to know the difference, who has done the inner work of exploration of really getting into the nitty gritty of himself.

I’m being cheeky and generalizing, but for the most part, it’s true. For all y’all “spiritual” dudes, here are some do not dos when you are keen and attracted to a woman—especially one who is empowered on her path. (Like most of you women reading this.)

Dear Spiritual Dudes: here’s a few key Dos & Don’ts of Being with a Woman.

  1. Don’t stroke her hair heavily and tell her that her mane is beautiful and reminds you of Kuan Yin.

  2. Don’t tell her that you remember her from a past life as a samurai warrior just because she’s of Asian descent.

  3. No, she doesn’t want you to buy her a kombucha. Not even after the third time you ask.

  4. No she doesn’t want to receive bodywork from you if you’re sending her creepy energy.

  5. Don’t linger around touching her skin—it’s soft and you want to touch her, but you don’t have permission. If she’s giving you permission and wants you to touch her…you’ll know.

  6. Don’t hug her 10 seconds too long. When she lets go, that means, let go.

  7. She probably doesn’t want to get near you if you’re wearing a leather Speedo with matching chaps and smell funny.

  8. No, she doesn’t want you to put feathers in her hair.

  9. No, she don’t want to go to a tantric seminar with you for your first date.

  10. Don’t moan loudly in her ear when you’re hugging.

  11. Stop staring at her with creepy eyes when in Satsang.

  12. Don’t try to kiss her lips if you don’t know her well.

  13. Stop trying to make eye contact—your intense stare is probably creeping her out.

  14. Stop trying to have sex with her if she only wants to be your friend.

  15. Don’t pull your dick out after giving her a bodywork session. That is so inappropriate. She came to you for healing, dude. Not to suck your cock.

  16. She’s a goddess: treat her like one.

And some dos:

  1. Adore her, respect her, love her.

  2. Listen to her with the intent to understand when she’s talking to you.

  3. Women are wired differently than men. Get to know the subtle differences and your relationships with women will catapult to a whole other dimension.

  4. Make love, don’t hump.

  5. Learn how to sexually please your woman, she’ll appreciate both your devotion as well as your skill.

  6. When she’s sharing with you her struggles and challenges, listen to her. She doesn’t want to hear solutions of how to immediately “fix” whatever it is at that very moment.

  7. Balance the energy of what’s being channeled between you.

  8. Emotional intelligence is so attractive. Learn about your self and your heart.

  9. Confidence with humility is “key.”

  10. Do your personal practice, stay devoted to your Sadhana.

  11. Be present with her.

  12. Don’t take her for granted—appreciate her as someone who is different, perhaps, but complimentary to yourself.

  13. The more you do the inner work on yourself, the more well rounded you will be—not just with relationships with others, but with yourself.

  14. If you’re happy, your lady will be happy!

  15. Be a man, not a boy. Get to know your sexual energy and channel it consciously versus haphazardly spilling it all over the place.

  16. Be physically, intellectually, emotionally and vibrationally intelligent.

We don’t care who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, how “spiritual” you are, how many sutras you can dictate, we want to know what your heart looks like. What kind of man you are. What your character is. How you treat, respect and show up for your woman.

I know it’s confusing in a world of spiritual ideals and aspirations, we’re all trying the best we can…but are we?

Just be real, homie. Be yourself. Be honest, communicate clearly, don’t lie, build trust and foundation. We all want relationships that are thriving, healthy and mutually serving, don’t we? If you want to get to know a modern, spiritually-empowered goddess, get to know her as a person first—not just as meat you want to get into. That is so 10 years ago, and not cute.

It’s not pertinent to the times of awakening we are living in today—if you’re into that sort of thing, of course.

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About Chloe Park

Chloe Park is an Artist, Spiritual Teacher, Yoga and Meditation Instructor, Holistic Healing Practitioner, Life Coach, Women's Empowerment Leader, Social Change Activist and Ethnobotanist. A traveling Healer and Teacher, she roams the Earth to share her message: unconditional love, self-healing and awakening. She uses the medium of writing, holistic healing, medicinal plants, yoga and meditation to help all those along the Path to attain harmony with mind, body and spirit. She is devoted to facilitating the space for Healing, Love and Truth and is passionate about bringing ancient practices and traditions into the modern times we live. Her intention with her writing is to offer Q&A for all those who are engaged in the dialogue. Chloe also writes for MindBodyGreen, Healthline, WorldLifestyle, and Yahoo Shine!. To stay connected with her current projects, retreats, teachings and traveling schedule, find her on Facebook: or visit her website: Spiritual counseling and life coaching sessions with Chloe are available via Skype. May we all wake up together. ॐ


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34 Responses to “The Spiritual Dos & Don’ts of Being with a Woman.”

  1. Guest says:

    Everything I read on Elephant Journal seems like a really vent-y journal entry.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Nice dump, anonymous critic. Try putting your name on it, and leaving a more thorough criticism—then we can have an honest, fruitful, respectful conversation. This article may not be your cup of tea, but there's a ton of quality on this site. ~ Waylon.

      • bflatbrad says:

        I agree, Waylon. Elephant, overall does a great job. This may have not been my favorite in the bunch, but BFD :) Writing articles can not be easy. I was very impressed with the Rebuttal article. So if this article wasn't written and published, then the rebuttal article would most likely not have been written. Worth it!

        PS I enjoyed your interview with Ram Das. Thank you!!!

        Brad Boyles

      • DanielleDD says:

        Your response isn't terribly friendly towards readers / potential paying readers. Yes there is a lot of quality content on your site. You shouldn't be so sensitive about anonymous criticism that is not terribly negative. As a woman, I find this particular article uncomfortable to read, and sexist, and I agree that it does seem like an immature venting. I found this article when reading Julie Peters' well written and sensible response to it. I have been reading (and paying for) Elephant for years, and have noticed several similar responses to articles. Not great for business, in my view.
        Danielle Desjardins

  2. Eric says:

    "We don’t care who you are, what you look like, how much money you have, how “spiritual” you are.."

    Hmmm…not always so.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Agree. I wasn't sure on that one, as a gent. There needs to be a male rebuttal: "you only care about us as long as we're charming, if we have our life together you'll find things to criticize anyway, if we don't make a good living you'll romanticize that for a few months and then it'll get old…" I do kinda agree that women care way less about looks, however. ~ Waylon.

  3. chloe says:

    Some may take these real life stories personally. Observational truth and sarcastic humor is not for everyone. Om

    • elephantjournal says:

      I loved the humor in the list. The first part seemed a little mean…but it's a conversation starter, obviously! Thank you for contributing so much! ~ Waylon.

  4. Pete says:

    I wish I could have back the 3 minutes I just spent reading this.

  5. Steph says:

    I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing. My relationships with men have been so disappointing, I really just don't care enough to try anymore.

  6. chloe says:

    KEEP TRYING!!! There are beautiful, gorgeous, conscious, awake, present, nurturing men out there who have done the work within themselves to know how to be with a woman! Or any gender for that matter. I have so many men in my life who are this! In order to have respect for others, one must have it within themselves– in any kind of dynamic. Don't give up on men, on women, on humans, on people. There are amazing human beings with awareness, compassion and love all around us.

  7. elephantjournal says:

    Tons of comments on our Facebook Page, too:

    Chip Miller Yikes
    That was as demeaning as I've read from you all. Gladly, I'm surprised.

    Sharone Goe Perhaps an honest commentary on what it feels like to be demeaned. Appreciate the nutshell version Chloe* ;)

    Starre Vartan Not sure how it's demeaning when it's true. I've seen or experienced pretty much everything on that list. The article's not saying that 'men are bad and women are good' – it's just giving some advice to men about how to treat women, and it's pretty specific. What's wrong with that? One of the reasons I'm with my partner is that he does none of the things – or anything like them – that are on the 'don't' list. We are all learning though, and we all make our fair share of mistakes, and hopefully most of us want to grow/improve. What's wrong with pointing that out? Chip, as a man, I agree on some level, but it's probably then not about you or me. It's about those of us who "use" spirituality to "get" women.

    Marguerite McGrath I can't get into your articles any more. Apparently I've read too many and now I have to pay to read them.

    Starre Vartan I'll say it so Waylon doesn't have to – Marguerite, if you enjoy an independent, non-corporate media site, you should support them (with money!). Writers, editors, and creative people who put together websites in general should not be expected to 'volunteer' their time all day long. It demeans who we are and what we do. The work we do is valuable to you (as is proven by how many articles you are reading!), so prove it! Disclaimer: I have run a site for 7 years and it's a lot of work to not be paid for just because everyone wants great content for free. It's not right. A subscription to Ele is also extremely cheap!

    Grey Olavarria There are a few of those 'don'ts' that I wouldn't mind at all (Like, I'd actually really love feathers placed in my hair!). But, all the "do's" are RIGHT ON! :3

    Chip Miller I realize completely the intent, it just made me think of Fox News as humor… The points made were so obvious those who need them says as much about the ladies they're pouring Kombucha on as the lame ass dude doing the pouring.

    Emilyanne Andrews As a spiritual Woman, Chip I agree with you 100%, well said!

    Alessandro Ugo Grasso …not enough freedom to call it love,but still may be the ideal match…for what? Good sex when you feel like it and being left alone when you feel so? This I understand… Chip, personally I agree…I liked her list, it was fun. The intro I found a bit objectifying or generalizing, demeaning, but Chloe herself said it was generalized. The list I found more fun. Thank you, Starre Vartan! That or, come back tomorrow, and read more for free. Or like Starre said, subscriptions are super-cheap–$12/year, $1/month is the bottom level. Either way is great.

    Chip Miller Just read my last post and wish it didn't feel so abrasive… Standing by my feelings, hoping you all can forgive how it was expressed. Peace Peace!

  8. Heather Morton heatmort says:

    If you are interested in hearing a male's view of this list here it is. I just read it out and after a long chew on his bread my husband paused and said,
    ~ yah
    ~ common sense
    ~ easy to write but hard to follow
    ~ hm, everyone knows make love not war
    ~ everyone has to be more relaxed
    ~ saying I don't like this or that can be limiting too

  9. earthwormbookworm says:

    Yes, because as you all know, we women are perfect and are never any or all of the following; bitchy, arrogant, self obsessed, neurotic, catty, nagging, clingy, whiney, mean, difficult, or in fact, any bad thing, it is you the MEN folk who are really the bad ones and we "goddesses" are perfect….
    Not to bash on my own sex, but a lot of this article seemed to me as though women have got spirituality down and the guys are the ones who are the creepy freaks, which just isn't fair. I grew up with big brothers and if they taught me one thing it is that us women can be a downright pain in the ass at times and we like to put the blame elsewhere.
    I like the guys, they aren't all perfect, but we sure as hell aren't either!

  10. Revo Luzione says:

    Not a bad list overall. But it's so wordy, when it what it really boils down to for men is this: don't be creepy. (*insert Tom Brady joke here*).

    Question for Chloe: What does #7 on the list of "Do's" actually mean? "Balance the energy of what’s being channeled between you" can have many meanings.

    One other general comment on many Elephant articles such as this: Women often refer to themselves as "goddesses." I see it all the time here, and on many a yoga-chick's Facebook page, girls referring to themselves as a "goddess." What would it be like if I started referring to myself as a God? Especially in context. Or what if men, particularly men in the yoga community started referring to themselves as a 'god.' And I don't mean a "rock god," or a 'handstand god," but in the more general sense that Chloe's using it. Let's try it on in an example from the piece:

    " If you want to get to know a modern, spiritually-empowered god, get to know him as a person first."

    First thing that I notice is that "spiritually-empowered god" is a bit of a tautology. Secondly, and more importantly it sounds very egotistical and presumtuous. Come to think of it, it's really no different if it's a male or female noun–it sounds douchy either way.

  11. Dave says:

    "instead of trying to find the right partner, be the right partner" -a friend

  12. Padma Kadag says:

    So many rules in order to be a spiritual "lover". Expectations and spirituality are like water and oil.

  13. […] recently read the elephant journal article “Spiritual Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Woman” and it left me with that squidginess in my gut I like to call the No […]

  14. Chloe,

    Fuck all these lame comments, girlfriend. Number 15 on the top list is comedy GOLD! I totally guffawed. I agreed with a bunch of stuff; I disagreed with some of it. I can handle disagreeing with you and having my assumptions challenged. Thanks for writing this.

    Keep doing your thing.


  15. Seriously. People only get defensive when you touch on something real.
    Nothing you wrote here implies that women are perfect or spiritually superior. Interpretations are an interesting reflection of where the interpretor is at.

    And I, for one, am totally over the 10-second-too-long hug accompanied by weird groaning.

    Now go on with yer bad self.

  16. chloe says:

    Hello all, thank you for your comments and the contribution of your voice. Yes, this article was provoking and has stimulated quite some attention now, hasn't it? For those of you who are unable to see past the surface layer of what's been portrayed, it's unfortunate that you have taken what I've written personally, have gotten defensive or have made your own assumptions of what this article means by the conditionings and limitations of your own mind.

    No, the voice I've written in is not my normal voice– but I decided to write in such a fashion to engage in this dialogue from a rudimentary level of understanding. These situations have all happened upon my return back into the Western World, and quite frankly– the behavior of these people I have encountered are very shocking and bewildering.

    Yes, it was meant to be funny and not everyone sees the humor. It is a bit crass and blatant. I could have chosen to written this article in a different way, but I didn't. That's the point. Nothing in this piece was meant to "bash" or "insult" or give any air of superiority between men and women. If you have come to such a conclusion, maybe instead of pointing the finger at me, you can question why you have formulated such an assumed projection of what you think to be the Truth, versus what actually is.

    I'm willing to ruffle a few feathers for enlivened conversation. I am delighted to see this piece has invoked such a response– on all scales of the spectrum. Even a "rebuttal" ! What is there to even "rebuttal" about? It's all very interesting.

    To those who see this article for what it actually is, thank you for your understanding of art and in life. I appreciate your ability to sense and see what's beyond the surface. Om Shanti. Much love, Chloe

    • Heather Morton heatmort says:

      Hi Chloe, Keep on going!! Having been out of the WW too (western world), I think, I know what you mean….hard to articulate at times….different sensibility, taste of humor, understandings of what's right/wrong….

      For what it's worth it was clear your piece was humorous…you mentioned it early on. Truth is so relative isn't it?

      This is indeed the interesting thing of being a writer and a reader. You can inject your own meaning….and you also may have had your own intentions (those conscious and unconscious)…so as a writer you just never know what you will get.

      love H.

  17. Ella Lauser goaskella says:

    Having had my fare share of creepers at conscious events, I can appreciate the humor here big time however for men reading this- I don't know how helpful it is. If they're doing this stuff, they're probably well aware of what they're doing and why (and aren't at the level you're suggesting they apply themselves to be).

  18. rishanamaste says:

    I like this article. I have seen many young men act out this way and loose a lot. What the article suggests is that men need to be aware, not only of the needs of others, but of the inner workings of themselves. Women, too could take some of this advice as we are all human and have personality vices. Men, there is a spirituality to relationships, a very deep one and it would be wise to incorporate wisdom for your own sake and for the sake of others. I see too many men forlorn and lonely. They succumb to their hormonal levels and loose much. They should control their biology and learn to channel it for higher purposes. Love is a beautiful thing and when callousness plays into a relationship it becomes an ugly, selfish, empty and meaningless affair.

  19. rishanamaste says:

    Relationships are not purely physical; there is a very high element of spirituality in them and that spirituality is an awareness of self and others. Callousness and crudeness have no place in anything that is truly loving and caring.
    When the selfish and empty motives override a relationship then, it is time to overhaul it or leave it.

  20. qwerty says:

    Thanks for properly punctuating "Dos and Don'ts."

  21. elissascott says:

    Haters will hate… great read and perspective. Thanks ej for being so Gee dam boss cool… Waylon, ya you ;) love this forum. xx

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