What is Deliberate Orgasm & Why Should You Care? ~ Sheri Testerman {NSFW}

Via on Nov 9, 2012
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Deliberate Orgasm is my passion. It’s my life, it’s what I experience every day and it’s what I teach.

I’m in the business of female orgasm.

I have been a student and researcher of female orgasm for 27 years and a teacher of it for 22. Where do my credentials come from?

I took my first Sensuality course when I was 21 at More University. That started me on my path of sensual discovery. What I discovered was myself; my womanhood, my perfection, my tribe and my orgasm.

On the first step of this path, I discovered that I had a clitoris. I had been sexually active and enjoyed orgasms with my boyfriend but I had no idea that I had a clitoris or that it was the source of my orgasm. As part of the sensuality class assignment I touched it for the first time that weekend. A few weeks later I had my first experience of Deliberate Orgasm with a partner.

My first D.O. date was with the friend who turned me onto the sensuality course. He was also in search of more.

Photo: SimplyAbbey

I lay on the edge of his bed, on my back with my legs spread. He sat in a chair next to the bed in a position where he could see well. He placed his finger on my clitoris and stroked. Heavy waves of sensation flooded my pelvis washing down my thighs. Over and over again I felt waves of deep pleasure. I was getting off. I was experiencing orgasm and it was different.

What struck me most profoundly was the amount of attention he was giving me. I had his full and total attention. He looked me in the eyes then to my pussy and described my pussy. When I looked at him, he had a twinkle in his eyes. I thought, he’s really enjoying doing this to me. He’s getting off on me getting off. Afterwards we talked a bit describing what we felt.

I became fascinated with this new way to have sex.

My friend and DOing partner was also fascinated, so we decided to do research. We wondered what our world would look like and feel like if he filled me up with orgasm.

The first revelation that occurred during this research was communication. Our level of conversation morphed into something brand new. In order for us to have that kind of attention on each other, our communication became more intense. I started describing my sensual experience in a way that I never had before and consequently started feeling things I had never felt before. Through using specific frames to describe the experiences I was having with my partner, my mind expanded as to what was possible.

He wanted to know what I was feeling when he touched me, what I liked, what I didn’t like. It was fairly easy to describe the sensations I would feel, how I could feel sensation move in different parts of my body. What was more difficult was for me tell him what I wanted because I didn’t really know. I knew how to orgasm from fucking but to orgasm with this much exposure and vulnerability felt like a completely different ballgame.

As we would talk about the experiences we were having together places where I had felt victimized about sex were shifting. My victimization was transforming into “my herstory.” I was feeling a rightness that felt oh so good. I learned about the concept and value of telling the truth to him without anger.

My orgasm and my sensuality were unfolding.

I started seeing the layers come off. I felt exposed. For the first time in my life I was talking to a man not just about sex but about me and what I wanted. My fears, my desires, my insecurities, my resistances; all the components that made me.

It wasn’t just about getting off, getting rid of sensation, but about building sensation and building our relationship together. Relating over one of the most intimate areas, our sexuality, was not only intense but incredibly fun. I liked the way he made my body feel. I was experiencing his approval and attention beyond what I thought was possible.

The expansion of my orgasm washed over naturally to my partner. His orgasm became something far bigger also. He started to orgasm like me. It was no longer just an up and over ejaculation type of orgasm. It became dome shaped like mine. We were no longer wondering if we were having an orgasm or not. Orgasm became something that we could measure in intensity and duration.

Our friendship and the surplus we created in each other extended into community. A tribe was created. A tribe of like-minded people. People interested in Deliberate Orgasm, interested in redefining orgasm, sex and friendship. I now had a family.

Deliberate Orgasm has taught me the value of community.

Deliberate Orgasm has taught me how to be a friend to a man and how to teach him to be a friend to me.

Deliberate Orgasm has taught me to love myself and to celebrate in the joy of being a woman.

I’m a teacher and a continual student of Deliberate Orgasm.

One of the founding instructors of the Welcomed Consensus www.welcomed.com, Sheri Testerman believes in expanding fun, friendship and sex through a new model of orgasm; a model based on female orgasm that is inclusive and has people win. By advancing the sensual frontier in her own life for over 25 years, she has experienced what it takes to have continuously gratifying relationships and live a fun life. Together with her fellow instructors, she teaches Deliberate Orgasm, offering courses and retreats that include a demonstration of a one hour orgasm. You can find Sheri on Facebook or email sheri@welcomed.com.

~

Editor: Elysha Anderson

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35 Responses to “What is Deliberate Orgasm & Why Should You Care? ~ Sheri Testerman {NSFW}”

  1. Brenda says:

    What a fun and inspiring story, thank you for sharing it and advancing the frontier of what women and men can experience with each other: "Female Orgasm is my passion. It’s my life; it’s what I experience every day".

  2. ja2 says:

    Both Deliberate Orgasm (DO as taught by Welcomed Consensus) and Orgasmic Meditation (OM as taught by One Taste and others) are incredibly wonderful practices. And they are different, and it's worth it to explore both for their unique insights and perspectives.

    • Brenda says:

      Deliberate Orgasm is at the source of all the other practices: slow sex, orgasmic meditation, the doing method, the welcomed method, Tim Ferriss' incredible sex. Deliberate Orgasm is truly inspiring and a cutting edge practice as this woman shares with us in this beautiful story about herself. How fun that it has inspired so many to take an aspect of its practice and share the surplus with the world.

  3. Deb says:

    Erm, this is what caring reciprocal relationships are like… sorry for all those out there who don't have that experience, but it's not got a fancy name and isn't unusual.

  4. Richard Held says:

    Thank you, Sheri, for dedicating your life to researching and teaching Deliberate Orgasm. I am grateful to be benefiting from this research and to be a part of the tribe of fellow researchers that you have created. The distinctions in communication in the relationships that I have learned to have through my friendship with you have opened up new depth and richness of relating as well as superior orgasm.

  5. Robin says:

    Wonderful new addition to the Elephant Journal articles. I appreciate her vulnerability in her writing, as she put it, her "Herstory."
    Where do I find out more?

  6. Lynne says:

    Thank you for telling your story. I look forward to reading more.

  7. Lis says:

    I liked the way Sheri described her journey starting from having an orgasmic, fun sex life to adding on Deliberate Orgasm and the way that this enhanced her relationships and her life. It was interesting to me the way that she describes her relationship with her partner, the way that they both got to know her body through the orgasm and talking. Thank you.

  8. Jillian says:

    Can having an orgasm this way be so very different? As I read through Sheri's description of her life I can't shake the feeling that she is in no way exagerating. I don't understand it fully, but I'd like to thank her for sharing openly. Great story.

    • Lis says:

      It made me think about having sexual contact with my partner without that goal of the release. I like that, makes for a more relaxed way of having sex. I like it.

    • sheri says:

      Thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts, Jillian.
      I'd love to talk further, if you want…

  9. @AndeLyons says:

    Sheri!

    What a delicious article – thank you ! Having a conversation around the 'true meaning and experience' of the female orgasm is always wonderful.

    I especially love that you pointed out how the deliberate orgasm builds and illuminates the relationship. Getting out of the every day noise and clutter to focus on this essential and delightful part of being human – what a sensational gift to your Beloved Self and your Beloved Partner!

    With deep appreciation,

    Ande http://www.bringbackdesire.com

    • sheri says:

      Hi Ande,
      I love the way you start "delicious article"…how fun.
      I can feel you are a sensual woman and then I saw your website!
      here's to more fun, more pleasure…!

  10. Vivenne Tracy says:

    "He looked me in the eyes then to my pussy and described my pussy." Wow! I have been with my partner 12 years, he's the love of my life but I have to say I have never had this experience, really hadn't ever considered it. How intimate and freeing…what a gift of being known. Thank you, Sheri! I feel like my relationship has changed already.

  11. david heisler says:

    Thank you Sheri for research. teaching and clear descriptions of your experiences I feel the truth in what you have written about truthful, approving and specific communications. Through your research and teaching I have the pleasure of knowing a woman as a friend. As a man I have benefited beyond what I had thought was possible in relationships, friendship, my own sensuality and the art of Deliberate Orgasm. Thank you.

  12. Maria Dolores says:

    What a wonderful description of your sensual journey. You are a true pioneer in the sexual liberation of women and relationships. Your story is compelling and insightful and I too hope to read more! Through training and practice I have expeirenced many of the effects of Deliberate Orgasm that you described and am grateful to have had this education of my own body and its power. As a teacher you have always been a shining example of the benefits of leading a pleasurable life, Thank you for your insight and your honesty.

  13. Daisy says:

    Fun! I like the new article by Sheri Testerman also, about Where the fun begins!

  14. sheri says:

    Thank you, Daisy!

  15. sheri says:

    Hi Yvonne,
    Thank you for reading and posting!
    I know you give a lot of consideration to this subject, making the choice to feel more good feelings, I read your blog on menopause.. .http://www.menopause-flashes.com/2012/12/my-big-brain-on-human-hormones.html
    and I love it!
    Here's to more fun in 2013!

  16. Rene says:

    Another revealing story for us. It took me several reads to 'grok' what you were saying here. Never heard of the deliberate orgasm before, but I am so very curious.

  17. Sheri says:

    "grok"…one of my favorite words!
    Love to tell you more if you want….contact me

  18. Velius says:

    I am single and I would like to try deliberate orgasm, but would need to do it by myself. Is it possible to achieve alone?

  19. Velius says:

    Hi Sheri I sent you an email as you requested, but have not received a reply yet. Just wondering if you received it?

  20. Sabrina says:

    Wow Sheri! I am absolutely enthralled by your story. It’s just what every woman needs. I will be passing your story on to others. My friends will be eager to learn more. I watched the video where you were the oh-so willing participant and to watch how your body reacted was beautiful. I was wondering about doing it alone. I’m a woman that tends to peak at clitoral stimulation and lose interest but to prolong that feeling would be fantastic. I am from the UK are there courses available here? Again DOing it alone would be great is this possible?

  21. sheri says:

    Hi Sabrina – thanks for writing.
    DOing alone is absolutely possible. The Welcomed Consensus has 7 different DVD's showing sensuality teachers masturbation using the Deliberate Orgasm technique, they demonstrate how to create a 'dome shaped orgasm' in their bodies, so pleasurable sensation can be experienced for as long as the woman desires.
    I'd love to talk more…email me at sheri63t@gmail.com
    all my best to you!
    ~Sheri

  22. Jo Spring says:

    Sounds exactly like "Om" practice. (Orgasmic meditation) There's a great Ted talk by the founder.

    • sheri says:

      Interesting enough the founder of OM received her training in female orgasm from the Welcomed Consensus.
      Nicole does give an excellent talk on TED.

  23. @eyalnow says:

    Beautiful, touching, and inspiring.

    I wonder, does Deliberate-Orgasm also explore other erogenous zones, such as the G-spot, cervix, A-spot, etc, and energy/breath orgasms as well ?

    Thank you for sharing your orgasmic experience,

    Eyal Matsliah
    Eyalnow.com

    • sheri says:

      Hi Eyal,
      My apologizes for taking sooooo long to respond.
      We do teach about the sensitive spots inside a woman's vagina. Where they are and how best to touch them. We call them Thunkspots.
      Write me at sheri@welcomed.com and I'll give you more information.
      my best to you,
      ~Sheri

  24. William says:

    I love the article. Thank you for sharing. I care very deeply for my partner and am very grateful that I get to experience her having very deep orgasms, much Like you describe. Yes it is very intimate and amazing. I have never seen someone who so much in their body. Unfortunately, I am the one that has a hard time having an orgasm. I have never had an orgasm through oral sex and it takes me awhile to have one vaginally. Any words of wisdom for men? I know that I think too much and can talk myself out of having an orgasm. It is frustrating and sad. I do love the experiences I have with her in all areas of life. What a blessing and I feel cursed. I do feel like the world would be a much saner and peaceful place if this was practiced daily.

    • Sheri says:

      Hi William,
      Thank you for your post.
      Deliberate Orgasm is for men too. DOing a woman and DOing a man. All the principles in producing a deliberate orgasm in a woman's body apply to a man's body. We can teach you how to expand your sensuality, how to expand your own orgasm.
      It takes courage to ask, so kudos to you.
      Write me at sheri@welcomed.com and I'll give you more information.
      all my best to you,
      ~Sheri

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