It’s not that I’m lazy . . .
Okay, maybe I am, but just like most of you, exercising is just pure torture for me!
Once I’ve started, I’m fine. It’s kind of like sex. You have to be already doing it in order to remember how much fun or “not terrible” it can be.
But seriously (or not), the following are some things I have contemplated doing just so that I would not have to break a sweat, even though just thinking about these things cause me to sweat as well!
Here are the 20 Things I would Rather do than Exercise:
1) Reorganize my underwear drawer.
2) Reorganize my sister’s underwear drawer.
3) Ask Lance Armstrong to be my Life Coach.
4) Pick the lint off my boyfriend’s socks.
5) Go on The Jerry Springer Show only to find out that my daddy is really my mommy, that my mommy is actually Pamela Anderson, and that Pamela Anderson does not even love me.
6) Arm wrestle with Michelle Obama on live television.
7) Make New Year’s Resolutions for the years 2020 and 2030.
8) Call my ex-husband and ask him again, “Why I will never be as wonderful as his mother?”
9) Grow a penis . . . overnight.
10) Go to the Lincoln Memorial with the Kardashians and have them teach me why Lincoln was so important.
11) Take part in the annual ‘All You Can Eat’ Corn Dog contest so that I would win 1,000 free corn dogs a week for the span of my lifetime.
12) Try on bathing suits at a department store changing room and look at my naked behind between changes under florescent lights.
13) Become BFF’s with Ann Coulter.
14) Volunteer for unauthorized medical trials which involves my eyeballs, uterus and my spleen without being told what for.
15) Chop raisins into even smaller pieces for 30 days.
16) Gather my entire family together in one room and ask them, one by one, to to tell me why I am such a weirdo.
17) Get into a debate with Hilary Clinton and have her say to me, “You are not a smart woman!”
18) Wear white skinny jeans and a tube top out in public or alone.
19) Stay at a secluded inn somewhere in the snowy mountains and watch The Shining all by myself.
And last but not least . . .
20) Read Fifty Shades of Grey out loud to my older brother.
What are the things you would rather do?
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Ed: Brianna Bemel