I’ve never been much of one for a New Year’s resolution.
It’s always seemed too hard and the process full of guilt when I inevitably fail to make a lasting change.
This year is going to be different.
“Yeah, yeah,” I hear you say, but let me explain:
As 2012 fades into history and 2013 dawns, I find myself exhausted. My now nine-month old baby has brought unimaginable joy to my life, but also many hours of broken sleep and a plunge into that vast pool of uncertainty called ‘motherhood’.
Along with that, I have this sense of urgency flowing through my veins—like a burst of adrenalin that just won’t quit. My body feels as though it’s constantly in a state of ‘fight or flight’ and whenever I find myself at a loose end for something to do, I frantically move onto another task, no matter how mindless or fruitless it may be.
So, I’m revisiting the idea of a New Year’s resolution.
Because I know I need it.
The way I’m operating now is miles away from the way I want to live my life. Far from living the ‘mindful’ life I promote in my yoga classes, I find I’m constantly caught in a frenzied panic of multitasking and a downright inability to slow down. I do everything ‘just okay,’ and constantly flit about between various tasks. I’ll apologize now if you’ve had the misfortune of trying to communicate with me while I’ve been simultaneously checking my emails, Facebook and eating lunch.
I’m wary, though, of my potential for ‘failure’ here. The pull of multitasking, of being busy, is incredibly strong.
Enter my two secret weapons: first, I’m making a very public commitment to this change. My blog, 52 Weeks of Now, will chart my journey. If there’s the chance that even one person out there is reading, I have to come through with the goods. By that I don’t make any promises to be perfect; it’s simply a journey that I hope to share with others.
My second secret weapon is simple: I’m taking baby steps. I can imagine what would happen if I tried to make a wholesale change. The idea of change is overwhelming, so I’m taking it slow. One thing a week. It might be as simple as taking a walk every day and noticing the sensation of my feet on the earth, or the color of the leaves in the trees. Or, it might be a more challenging ask, like putting down the mobile phone and Internet for more than two minutes at a stretch.
What do I hope to achieve?
For starters, I’d love to get rid of the ‘go fast’ feeling that has become my everyday experience and get back to a place of appreciating the moment, feeling centered and content. Beyond that, I simply want to be with and enjoy my son, husband, family and friends instead of fitting them in around all the other things that vie for my attention.
So the first challenges have been set … Here I go!
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Ed: Brianna Bemel