There’s a thing about crushes; they are exhilarating.
You find yourself thinking about the object of your affections all the time. All trains of thought somehow lead back there. Your senses are heightened. You notice the most miniscule details about your crush in constant fascination.
I have developed a little crush on Ashtanga yoga.
Silly? Maybe a little bit, but I was noticing that as I’m moving towards more of a commitment here, the progression has been much like a crush, or even like a dance. A crush doesn’t usually “crush” you all at once. It builds its energy slowly, much like a tango.
I remember when I first heard about Ashtanga yoga. It seemed mysterious, intense. My curiosity was piqued, but not enough to do anything about it right away. Every now and then an Ashtangi friend would mention something and I’d respond that, “yes, I’d love to try that,” and then forget about it again. It would come up in conversation, in something I was editing and the thought would linger. Maybe I’d like that? Maybe… I like intensity. I love things that challenge me. I like the ritual of it, the repetition. If it demands much of me, I’d want it even more.
From the many Vinyasa classes I’ve taken, I can do Sun Salutations ad infinitum. And then I started building on them, adding and playing with the beginning of the Primary Series…flirting a little with the idea. Trying the idea on. Reading more about other parts of the practice. Planning my mornings around my daily practice. Incorporating the weekly castor oil massage and looking up when the moon days fall. Deciding how long of a drive is reasonable to get to a led Primary Series class. Thinking of all the ways this will fit into my life.
But after awhile, as fun as crushes are, you need to either do something about it or move on.
And though, as I’ve said, I’m afraid of commitment, I am taking a weekly led Primary Series to enhance my practice. Sure, I’m still going to have days when I just feel playful and want to go to acroyoga, quiet and roughed up by life and want to go to Restorative or just in the mood for my friendly neighborhood Vinyasa class. But right now, I’m pretty smitten with Ashtanga. I’m giving in to my crush and seeing where it leads… The worst that could happen is that I try it for awhile and move on, but I could end up finding something I truly love.
And so with that romantic look at my practice, let me say:
May you be tangled up with the things that delight you most. Don’t go through the motions, but instead, may your day be a beautiful, passionate dance.
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