When Is an Orgasm More than Just an Orgasm? {Adult} ~ Walker Thornton

Via on Jan 22, 2013
Rob Boehle via Pinterest
Rob Boehle via Pinterest

He shows up at 7:30 for a cup of coffee before work. I’ve planned my attire with care. I love to dress up for him—it ramps up the sexual tension and brings out my sex goddess.

I’m wearing his pink dress shirt, slightly crumpled—a gift from a particularly emotional evening where, undressing me, he took off his shirt and asked me to wear it as we made love. I’m a sucker for a man in an expensive dress shirt. Underneath I’m wearing his favorite lingerie, a white lacy demi-bra.

I skip the panties. We skip the coffee.

His desire is laced with tenderness, more so than usual and he’s particularly attentive as he unbuttons my shirt. His shirt. We kiss and play, nibble, explore, caress. We alternate between penetration and oral, which only serves to build our desire.

He’s pacing himself. He’s teasing me.

I don’t know what was different this particular morning. His gentle affection touched me. His desire to please me is always a turn-on and an emotional experience.  I’ve been getting to know my body—self-pleasuring. Reading, thinking and exploring a woman’s body—my body. The effect is evident in our lovemaking, a reflection of how I view myself as a woman.

Photo: Pinterest
Photo: Pinterest

And, on this particular morning everything I had read or thought about and desired came to be. The orgasm came in waves of sensations resonating through my whole body.

Warm, pulsating sensations—physical, emotional—it courses through my body, my blood. And, as I came, uncharacteristically noisy, I burst into tears. Big gasping sobs. He continued to gently caress me before shifting to bring himself inside of me.

With the tears still streaming down my face we pleasure each other. When we are both satisfied and preparing to move back into our day he tells me earnestly of his wish to repeat this.

To be so vulnerable, so naked. To know that my body can respond on that level.

In that moment all that existed was the feel of his fingers and tongue devouring my body. I can’t pinpoint exactly what he did because I try to stay focused on sensation, not thoughts. I don’t want to ruin the magic by asking.

His technique has improved over the six months in rhythm with my increasing responsiveness.  He’s learned to gauge the intensity of my desire by becoming more observant. I’ve learned to be still in my body, taking my mind out of the equation. Together we’ve learned to love.

I spend the rest of the day in a cloud. I want to shout it out to the world. I am in awe of my body’s capacity and my lover’s ability to touch those places in me.

The impact of that sexual experience bleeds over into my daily life. He asks me what else he can do to give me pleasure. Is there something I would like that I’ve never asked for?

No man has ever asked that before.

His asking opens a door. It reminds me that I can ask for whatever I want. I can exercise my right to have the kind of sex I want. It’s a powerful heady feeling—a mix of empowerment, bliss and full-blown sexual knowledge.

We’re sexual beings to the degree that we are willing to be vulnerable and dig deep. We have to access our sexual energy, nurture and develop it. I may not have a screaming, life-affirming orgasm every time we make love. But I can have anything I’m willing to ask for.

I’m 58 years old. He’s in his mid-60s. This early morning interlude wasn’t about youthful energy or wild passion; it was about emotional connection and trust. It was about sexual energy. It was about giving myself permission.

 

Walker Thornton head shot

Walker Thornton is a freelance writer and blogger of A Woman’s Page  and The Diva of Dating. She’s working on her memoirs about dating, sex, and life after age 50. She’s a Huffington Post 50 blogger and has work published on Third Age,She’s Self-Employed and Better After 50. You can find her at Twitter (https://twitter.com/WalkerThornton)  and Facebook  (https://www.facebook.com/AWomansPage).

Like elephant journal gets sexy on Facebook.

~
Assistant Ed: Lori Lothian
Ed: Kate Bartolotta

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44 Responses to “When Is an Orgasm More than Just an Orgasm? {Adult} ~ Walker Thornton”

  1. fitness_fox says:

    When emotion and physicality come together, it can be so great. Thanks for fleshing that out. Glad you discovered it for yourself. Wonderful piece!

  2. jim fry says:

    Absolute perfection; pick a level: Erotic, Sensual, Heartfelt, Inspirational, Spiritual, Educational and, beyond!

    Deepest bows to you for sharing, this MASTERPIECE.

  3. Helene Bludman says:

    Wow, loved your post. Connecting with someone on that level is truly wondrous.

  4. It's getting hot in here! Wonderful post, Walker.

  5. Cathy says:

    This was hotter than hot flashes, Walker! Great post.

  6. Jenny says:

    Walker, this left me wanting to read more! I would love to know where this goes. Deliciously rich and decadent.

    • Jenny…. I have no idea where it's going! What I'd love on the personal level is to see us explore our sexual interactions even more. As for the writing? Well, this has me pretty excited. Deliciously rich and decadent sounds just fabulous–thank you.

  7. Jan says:

    Wow. Thank you for sharing and fueling my hope :)

  8. Sara Jean Deegan Jean says:

    I think that this article has a positive message; but the writing is distracting and at times reads more like a pre-teen porno.  

    Even the opening line seems more fit for Fifty Shades of Grey: “He shows up at 7:30 for a cup of coffee before work. I’ve planned my attire with care. I love to dress up for him—it ramps up the sexual tension and brings out my sex goddess.” 

     In order to convince me of the author’s authentic sexual experience, I would like to hear more about the obstacles she had to overcome; like for example, was she raped, orphaned, maybe nothing spectacular never happened to her? It is awesome that the heroine embraces her sexuality, and is able to feel young…but the writing is one dimensional and lacking in depth. I think it’s a pretty overused theme to say that one must love oneself first, now can’t we move beyond that and mature to a spiritual love, which does not need to be degraded with cliche phrases and terms like “devoured me with his tongue” and “warm, pulsating sensations—physical, emotional—it courses through my body, my blood. And, as I came, uncharacteristically noisy, I burst into tears. Big gasping sobs. He continued to gently caress me before shifting to bring himself inside of me.”, and “with the tears still streaming down my face we pleasure each other.” ? 

    I feel like you are using overtly sexual phrases to appeal to a mass audience, just trying to get your readers off more than describing a communion of two souls. 

  9. Whew. I think I need to put down the Kindle and wake this sweet man softly snoring next to me.

  10. karlsaliter says:

    Thanks Walker. Deeply felt, true, honest. I've been exploring writing sex most bunglingly. This was the real deal.

  11. Karlsaliter,
    Thank you. Truly. I don't write about sex very often and was a little concerned about being so honest in such a public venue…the criticisms that might come, but more importantly the concerns that my writing clients might find this "too much". I feel that open dialogue is the only way we're going to bring sex back into the light and take away the stigma and tawdryness.

  12. jim fry says:

    A reader getting off, to a writer's narration, may, in fact, be a communion of two souls..

  13. Joe C. says:

    I am always amazed at how many women “of a certain age” have trouble with recreational sex. Although she doesn’t say it, this well-written vignette suggests that Walker is discovering that tender, fulfilling sex does not require a deep romantic attachment.

    Keep up the good “work.”

    • Oh, my dear Joe,
      You are right and wrong. I think women at our age are mixed when it comes to recreational sex…some of us are ok with it, some of us aren't. We are of an age to have been raised to believe that sexual satisfaction is connected to love and in the extreme, marriage.

      I have found it hard to be sexually satisfied, i.e. orgasmic, in a casual no-connection relationship. I can get better sex alone. We can't have the immediate 'gratification' of ejaculation/orgasm that men have. Our sexual buttons often require us to talk about what feels pleasurable, where to touch, etc… And, that may be hard to communicate to a man or woman with whom we have only a superficial relationship with. But, with deep affection or even love, then I feel freer to give more fully and have the necessary trust to let myself feel that vulnerability and openness that leads to mind-blowing sex.

  14. Joe C. says:

    I am always amazed at how many women “of a certain age” have trouble with recreational sex. Although she doesn’t say it, this well-written vignette suggests that Walker is discovering that tender, fulfilling sex does not require a deep romantic attachment.

    Keep up the good “work.”

  15. Anna Sheinman SOFLY_Anna says:

    Great article! there is no need to be in pain to be happy…

  16. Ellen Dolgen says:

    HOT! Great post :>)

  17. Anna Sheinman SOFLY_Anna says:

    from the comments…

  18. Sheri says:

    Hi Walker – I enjoyed reading your piece very much.
    I applaud you for writing about an outstanding time you had with your partner, that you are willing to write about your orgasm. How rarely do women feel it's '"appropriate" to say, 'hey I just had my new best orgasm'.

    I liked how you described the points that got you there:

    " I’ve been getting to know my body"…
    "His technique has improved over the six months in rhythm with my increasing responsiveness. He’s learned to gauge the intensity of my desire by becoming more observant. I’ve learned to be still in my body, taking my mind out of the equation. Together we’ve learned to love."

    then he asked what else he could do to pleasure you…

    right on!

    • Sheri,
      Thanks. I want women of all ages to become more comfortable with expressing and accessing their sexuality. And, while I am thrilled that my guy and I have worked and grown together, I think women have to get to know their own bodies first. Sex and sexual connection is going to be better if we know what we want and need, and can ask for it!

      But, you already know this!

  19. Justine says:

    Giving yourself permission to ask, pemission to trust, permission to connect on all levels…spiritual, emotional, intellectual and energetic. Fabulous! Thanks so much for sharing the beautiful expansion of yourself….it benefits us all. Beautifully written. Deepest gratitude.

  20. Barbara says:

    Wonderful piece, Walker! You are such a gutsy, giving, talented writer!

  21. Kejanz says:

    I really enjoyed this article. really. But a surprise was my discovery at the end that the writer was 58! how utterly fantastic – I was just reading it thinking wow how lucky am I that I have got to a point of self discovery sexually and have a man who treats me like that – prior to this I had moped that i was so slow to have taken 32 years to get to this kind of comfort in and with my own body – and yet the concept that … I mean, "you mean to say that it could get even better in the next 26 years, between now and when i'm 58?".., is absolutely divine. yippee. thanks for a fabulous read

    • Yippee indeed.

      I'm intentional about sharing my age–we don't stop being passionate and deeply sexual at a 25 or 40…or I hope even at 65 or 70. I have no intentions of slowing down anytime soon. And, I want people to know that, to feel that there is still much more to come. You are that affirmation for me this morning. Thank you.

  22. It's lovely how we grow into ourselves with time. Delightful read!

  23. Mike says:

    Great read! Um… Is it just me, or is it suddenly very hot in here?

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