You Make Me Real.

Via on Jan 18, 2013

Loneliness

I really like being alone.

I wouldn’t call myself a loner, but sometimes I like it a little too much—I bathe in my aloneness until I’m forced to get out of the tub.

Everything is easier when it’s just me. I don’t have to answer to anyone.

I walk around the house naked, and I don’t think twice when I engage in ‘bad naked’ activities (as Seinfeld would say). I mix foods that should never go together, and eat them in bed while watching any ‘boring’ documentary I want to, without having to battle for viewing rights. When my girls are with their dad, I don’t have to worry about mediating sisterly feuds, or waking up a couple times a night to re-tuck them into bed.

Life is easier when I’m solo, but then I always find myself teetering on the precipice where my aloneness falls into loneliness. I laugh at the one funny line in the documentary and glance next to me, wishing to see another smile reflecting back, or I eat a new food creation which surprises my taste buds, and there is no one there to give a validating bite of approval. I wake at 2 a.m. ready to jump out of bed to pull the tie dyed embroidered blanket over my daughter, only to realize she is not home this evening.

There is an absence, a tugging sadness and a longing to be acknowledged, to acknowledge, to be needed, to need, to be wanted and to want. These feelings are a reminder—I am here for more than just me. In these moments, I recognize I love being alone, but I love being with people more—together.

The relationships in my life revive my consciousness. I feel more, I listen more—I awaken. This realization is the force that gets me out of my solitary bathtub.

We all need relationships in our lives. They remind us to love, as we experience the pains and struggles of life. The connection of love is our proof we are alive; we are here.

Relationships are the ultimate pinch to the skin of life. 

When we are born, our first relationship welcomes us into the world, “I’m so happy you are here.”

We now exist.

We need a witness to our lives—another we can turn to, who nods his or her head as the star shoots across the sky and agrees, “I saw that too.”

We exist.

As we take our last breath, someone is there to hold our hand and reminds us, “I will miss you.”

We existed.  

We are on this earth to be witnesses, to be witnessed and to say to one another, “I’m so happy you are here. I saw that too. I will miss you.”

~ Rebecca Lammersen

 

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Ed: Brianna Bemel

About Rebecca Lammersen

Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, a donation based yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. Check out Rebecca's website and her articles at The Huffington Post. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

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9 Responses to “You Make Me Real.”

  1. BarbaraS says:

    Wow, Thank you! It's always good to be reminded that there are others out there trying to balance their love for solitude with how much they should allow themselves. there is something very beautiful about being on the very edge of lonely, it is a place of immense creativity for me, it is also a practice and a discipline to know when to come back and engage in the world again. wonderful article.

  2. Thank you Rebecca for this beautiful essay. Being alone is definitely not my everyday preference, but I am getting used to and actually enjoying my alone time post divorce when my daughter is spending time with her father. During my marriage I learned that you can be lonely even within a relationshiop where you see someone daily…and I think that is worse! Best wishes to you, I look forward to reading more of your essays.

  3. jim fry says:

    Ohm Y Rebecca, this is the most exquisite & beautiful reflections I've read today (& I've read a *lot* today!), because it so deeply mirrors so many of my experiences, balancing acts and yearnings.

    I perceive many of us, but nothing close to a majority, R multiverts, deeply navigating our paths between the rich inner experiences and liberation from external compulsions obligations, while knowing we R immersed in a beautiful web of interpersonal tapestries.

    Deepest appreciation for gorgeous elucidation of your experiences & emotions. Thank You!

  4. Miki Bowers says:

    Perfect

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