In Sunday’s edition of The New York Times, the “Meh List” declared that “teachable moments” are over.

Thank efffing God!

I cannot tell you how many times I have had teachable moments. In fact, you could say that all of last year was one big teachable moment.

Worse, my inability to learn anything from these times (which could also be called, ‘when bad things happen’) has led the Universe to give me the teachings repeatedly.

It’s about time the Universe simply gave up on me—I am a bad listener (in my defense, I know what most people are going to say).

I am a slow learner (pull the sides of your waist back, pull the sides of your waist back, pull the sides of your waist back: Uh oh, there goes my back.) And I am an expert at samskaras, which are the stupid things humans do over and over again. Like believe in the wrong man.

So, now that The Times has decided that these teachable moments are passé, I am ready to move forward with my shoulder pads squared and unafraid.

First up is to re-visit the dermatologist.

It was just one year ago when I was thinking that things were not looking so good above the neck (I have long since given up on things below the neck). Then, out of the blue, my doctor offered me some free “procedures” (that’s code for minor plastic surgery).

Free!

I believed it was a sign from the Universe that I should either get this done, or stop looking in the mirror.

One week later I had a freshened up face, but unfortunately, I could not speak. My lips were enormous, like a Hollywood D-List celebrity, but they also did not work. At all. I could not drink or eat soup. I could not say words with the letters P, B or ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. I told the doctor this was a problem, or “wahlem.”

Me:        “I need to be able to speak.”

Doctor: “Why? I thought in yoga you only need to breathe.”

Me:        “I need to say ‘everyone breathe,’ and it sounds like, ‘eh-wee-won weeeee.’

It has now been a year and my lips are back to normal and I can speak perfectly in my New Yorker-ese, but once again I’m thinking things above the neck could use some help. However, and here is the point of the story: will I again be a foolish human who does not learn from life?

Of course it won’t happen again! Even The New York Times says it won’t happen again—teachable moments are so last year.

On the other hand, if you find me asking you to “eh-wee-won to just weeeee,” then you’ll know, she did it again.

Meh—those teachable moments are probably not going away anytime soon, no matter what The New York Times says.

 

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Ed: Bryonie Wise