Don’t Hide from Emotional Rawness.

Via on Feb 11, 2013

Vulnerable (YOUTUBE)

I’ve gained a little bit of insight into the American way.

(And, frankly, other cultures as well—but this is the most apparent to me.)

I’ve seen so much of this tendency toward self distraction.

There are many things that we all distract ourselves from. Humans in general, I’ve come to believe, are in some essence afraid of approaching the complexity, unpredictability and dark side of life head on.

The television has become a central feature for distraction from life. A person comes home from a long day at work, stressed out over the economy or employee dynamic, and is only eager for something that will draw his/her mind away from actually thinking about it. Think about holidays…so much of what people associate with holidays are endless hours with family members centered around a television, all muted and focused in on a particular sports event or some glammed-up program. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m a sucker for ABC.com and getting to watch free episodes, but as I always say…moderation.

It isn’t unhealthy to exercise opportunities to not think about the all consuming stress of the occupational world, but I believe that the manner in which Americans in general go about it is what’s detrimental.

Distraction also comes into play with the process of grieving. There’s that mentality of “just keep yourself busy,” when dealing with the sickness or loss of someone else. We’ve become so deeply conditioned to believe that keeping ourselves busy to get through something is the preferred method. I do believe that marinating it isn’t exactly the best approach ever, but I feel as though we’ve found ourselves on the far other end of the continuum, seeking out any opportunity to not have to think about the actual issues at hand.

I say give each its due. Be sad, allow yourself to not be busy and really understand and appreciate those moments of vulnerability. They aren’t as intimidating as we have made them out to be.

As Kahlil Gibran says,

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

I’ve always really resonated with this quote, because I used to live so much of my life afraid of what it meant to be anxious or depressed. But when I discovered that the more I actually lived those emotions and the lower I felt, the more joy I could contain in my own being. And I have lived both extremes. And his words are true.

I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t run away from issues at hand. Everybody needs a break, I’m a firm believer of that. But I don’t think that avoidance is the answer. I feel like having the courage to acknowledge the pain and suffering makes it less powerful in my life. If I’m able to really express and feel what I am scared of or anxious over, then those issues become surmountable.

So in the moments of emotional rawness, I recommend that we don’t distract ourselves from those feelings. Instead, we need to surround ourselves with people who look for and crave that authentic expression, for those emotions will always be there. When they’re hiding under the surface, it might feel like they’re gone but they will only return in due time.

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Ed: Lynn Hasselberger

About Greer Van Dyck

Greer Van Dyck, M.A. appreciates the quiet of the early morning hours. Proudly representing herself as a “realistic optimist,” she thrives on challenging herself in the workplace and on the playing field. She works for a startup company called TherapySites, who specializes in providing web based solutions for mental health care practitioners and gets geeked out over riding her single speed mountain bike. The work keeps her stimulated and always tests her creative edge and business savvy. She references the words of Kahlil Gibran often and appreciates the wisdom of his words. One of her favorite quotes is, “Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.” Game on. Providing therapeutic services in and around Boulder, CO. Please feel free to call at 706-714-6500 or email at gvandyck@gmail.com

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6 Responses to “Don’t Hide from Emotional Rawness.”

  1. suzie d says:

    I loved this :) Thank you for the sharing it, and the beautiful quote as well!

  2. macpanther says:

    Thank you for this post. One of my yoga teachers, speaking from a nondualist perspective, would encourage me to "savor the darkness." I also think this view is consistent with Brené Brown's findings about living wholeheartedly. One cannot selectively numb bad feelings and leave the good ones intact. I don't think this means to wallow, but neither does this mean to retreat.

    I had spent many years retreating and numbing in various ways. To choose a path of awakening is to choose effort and intensity, but also great joy and reward. It requires courage and repays to us our humanity.

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