Beyond the Body: Yoga & Disordered Eating. ~ Katie Levans

Via on Mar 1, 2013
Photo: Courtney Linnehan
Photo: Courtney Linnehan

February 24 – March 2 is National Eating Disorder Awareness week.

I remember when I stopped eating. It was Christmas break of my junior year of high school. The holiday was over and we had a little over a week before returning to classes. I don’t know why or how but I made a very clear, very conscious decision not to eat until New Year’s Eve.

I’d always had a preoccupation with weight and appearance. I wasn’t obese by any stretch of the imagination (or medical definition), but I certainly held on to my “baby fat” well into adolescence and therefore, never got behind that ’90s girl trick of tying one’s shirt into a crop top with a knot on one side. (In the end, I suppose that’s a fashion bullet I artfully—albeit accidentally—dodged.)

I preferred baggy sweatsuits and leggings and wouldn’t wear a pair of jeans until middle school. Swimsuits were absolutely out of the question unless paired with an oversized t-shirt, an accessory that—let’s be honest—only drew more attention to my feeble attempt to disappear.

Today I’m a full-time yoga teacher and I live and breathe in nothing-left-to-the-imagination spandex, grateful every single day for a strong, healthy body that carries me through life and for the practice that taught me to finally love and appreciate that body.

But growing up my body was at no point something to celebrate. I never saw it as a living, breathing miracle of science rapidly replicating cell upon cell, building a framework of flesh and bone and blood that would house my soul for the rest of my adult life. Instead I always saw it as something shameful, something imperfect, something to change.

Where did I learn this? Certainly not from my mom who didn’t allow scales in the house and always disapproved of plastic surgery horror stories on the news, shaking her head and reminding us we were perfect the way we were. In fact, I can’t recollect a time I have ever heard her speak negatively of her own appearance let alone mine.

I guess I could blame TV and movies, airbrushed magazines that misrepresent what the human form is, and the resulting “beauty ideal” that is neither attainable nor existent.

And, really, it’s a combination of all of the above. The fact is we’re born into an image-obsessed world that is constantly telling us to be something and someone else: thinner, taller, tanner, sexier.

Skinny jeans not working with your actual genes? We can lipo that! Pale? Spray on a tan! Pudgy? Pop a diet pill! Perfect? Impossible!

It’s sick, really.

My decision to stop eating in high school didn’t seem so abnormal to me at the time.

Everyone was dieting. Lots of girls wanted to lose weight. What started as a week of seemingly innocent weight control quickly spiraled into a lifetime of disordered eating behaviors, including extreme calorie restriction, crash dieting, binging and exercise-induced anorexia, all habits that people around me seem to consider “normal” girl behavior.

I always choose my words carefully here: “disordered eating” instead of “eating disorder.” Part of it’s because it sounds, ironically enough, a little prettier. A little less crazy, if you will. And part of it’s that I’ve never had an actual diagnosis and I feel that claiming an eating disorder without really having one trivialize the estimated eight million, sometimes fatal clinical cases in the US.

What I’ve experienced is what’s called an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS), a catchall classification in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) that covers any pattern of disordered eating behavior that doesn’t fit the definition of Anorexia Nervosa or bulimia.

Unfortunately, the sad reality is that 70 percent of all eating disorders fall under this category and, therefore, are largely undiagnosed and untreated. In fact, our view is so warped on the subject that clearly disordered behaviors have somehow become the norm: skipping a meal to save calories, over-exercising to compensate for an indulgence, eliminating entire food groups, bingeing (even without purging) and an unrelenting preoccupation with food are all disordered eating behaviors.

I’m not saying that healthy eating and weight loss are to be abandoned, but an unhealthy preoccupation with either can be more damaging—mentally and physically—than most people realize.

Photo: Wanda Koch
Photo: Wanda Koch

Recovery from eating disorders is rare, and while treatment programs can help to normalize and stabilize, most associated behaviors will last a lifetime.

Personally, I’ve never sought professional help, but I have found—quite by accident—some semblance of normalcy only through an unexpected practice of yoga.

When I first started practicing yoga six years ago, I did so (not surprisingly) to lose weight (and ideally look like Jennifer Anniston, who I heard through the tabloid grapevine was on her mat on the regular). But what started as an exercise rooted in a preoccupation with my appearance quickly taught me to transcend beyond my physical body to something bigger.

I don’t recall one specific moment of clarity or the ever-elusive sense of enlightenment yogis chase, but I do know that over time I slowly stopped viewing my body as something to torture and starve and punish with exercise and instead looked at it as an incredible machine capable of carrying me through seemingly impossible poses and into a life of unlimited possibility. For the first time ever my body became something to celebrate.

Photo: Courtney Linnehan
Photo: Courtney Linnehan

While my experience is anecdotal, I know my story is not the only one of its kind. In fact, there is even some emerging research that supports yoga as a successful adjunctive therapy to standard eating disorder treatments.

One study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found a decrease in eating disorder symptoms and decreased food preoccupation in a group of boys and girls ages 11-21. And another in the Psychology of Women Quarterly found that women who practice yoga report lower self-objectification, greater body satisfaction and fewer disordered eating attitudes.

What’s so beautiful about yoga, I think, is that the practice uses the body to ultimately disconnect us from the body.

It seems counterintuitive at first, but dedication to a physical yoga practice is what led me to the realization that I am not my body, that I am not limited by its physical limitations nor defined by its dimensions. And for that, I am forever grateful.

 

 

Katie LevansKatie Levans is a full-time yoga teacher, writer, fighter of hunger and dietetics school dropout with a Master of Science in Nutrition. She lives, works and plays in Charlotte, North Carolina.

www.katielevans.com | twitter: @sweettaterblog | katierlevans@gmail.com

 

 

 

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Ed: Brianna Bemel

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15 Responses to “Beyond the Body: Yoga & Disordered Eating. ~ Katie Levans”

  1. Katie Levans says:

    thanks for posting my piece, guys!

  2. Robyn says:

    I have never had an eating disorder, but I've never been short on self-criticism and have always had very little confidence. Part of me knows it's ridiculous. I can be 115 pounds and size 2 but only see the bit of fat on my thighs. So I totally know what you mean about this. I took up yoga in earnest for about six-seven months now and I've noticed my confidence grow. I noticed that I don't focus on the bad as much and I see myself now as strong. I'm prouder of my body. I'm in sync with it mentally and spiritually and physically. That doesn't mean I enjoy the saddlebag thighs, but I care less about them. I think it's a beautiful thing what yoga has done for me mentally, and especially what it's done for others when I read about people really suffering from severe eating disorders and on destructive paths. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Dana says:

    Your story inspires me, lifts me and I am not alone. Thank you for sharing this! Yoga has helped me to let go of anxiety and realize that anything is possible.

  4. Mandelynn says:

    love it!

  5. Ally says:

    You rock, girl.

  6. Nicole says:

    Thanks for the article- I have struggled with an eating disorder as well so appreciate your story, but disagree with this one statement:

    "What’s so beautiful about yoga, I think, is that the practice uses the body to ultimately disconnect us from the body."

    What yoga has so beautifully done for me is the exact opposite– It has helped me to more fully be in my body, to be comfortable in my own skin, and to love my body for all its abilities AND limitations. You ARE your body, and thank goodness! You are also so much more than your body, but you can't bypass your physical body for some "better" spiritual reality. Our bodies are our beautiful, tangible, pieces of spirit manifesting itself. Yoga teaches us to come down into our bodies, to love them, honor them, respect them, to realize that they are nothing less than God. Don't transcend your body, descend down into it and inhabit it fully.

  7. Casey says:

    Thank you so much for this. Yoga has been instrumental to me in my continued recovery from a decade-long eating disorder. Reading this was very moving. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  8. Bethany says:

    Thanks for this post Elephant Journal! I re-blogged it on my site to promote Elephant Journal, Katie, and Eating Disorder Awareness week. This is such an important topic, even (especially) in the yoga community.

  9. Annie says:

    Without seeking the help of a professional, I am curious as to how you arrived at your diagnosis? WebMD?

    • Katie Levans says:

      i have a master of science in nutrition and have studied disordered eating extensively. i can tell you it doesn't take a master of science in nutrition to know when someone has an unhealthy relationship with food, but that's not really the point.

      it takes a special kind of person to tell someone who has willingly starved themselves that they don't know how to identify their own disordered eating habits.

      good luck to you.

  10. Annie S says:

    Hi, I loved this article, but did want to point out that eating disorders are highly treatable. Having an eating disorder does not have to result in a lifelong, chronic illness. Complete recovery is very possible, especially with early intervention and aggressive, intensive treatment. This is important because a common eating disorder myth is that you can NOT recover which is false.

    • Katie Levans says:

      hi annie!

      yes! you are absolutely right. it is definitely possible to recover and i probably didn't make that clear enough. i was just making the point that full recovery is rare, as the national association of anorexia nervosa and associated disorders reports a recovery rate of 30%.

      great point.

  11. Amhy says:

    My personal, anecdotal truth is somewhere in between these two extremes. My eating problems began at age 11 and, over thrity years later, I would say some remnants remain. While I might look normal on the outside, I know my thinking and perception are still prone to dysfundtion. So perhaps both could be true? Eating disorders are treatable and early intervention is key; yet, many of us will continue to struggle with food and body image, quite possibly for a lifetime.

  12. [...] Beyond The Body: Yoga & Disordered Eating – Wonderful post by Katie Levans (the blogger that was on the bachelor!) on how yoga helped her with eating and body issues! [...]

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