If You Really Love Someone, Don’t Commit: 10 Reasons Why Commitment Sucks. ~ Siri Ajeet

Via on Mar 29, 2013
Photo by Eric Peacock
Photo by Eric Peacock

Is commitment is the result of both love and fear?

Most people seek commitment because they love a person so intensely that they can’t bear the thought of that person leaving them. They ask for a promise that they never will.

What the naive don’t know is that the psychological impact of commitment can be detrimental to a relationship. Do you trust yourself and your lover enough to let go of your need to control them? Are you willing to resist a cultural norm of fear? In a relationship without commitment, actions speak louder than language.

10 Reasons Commitment Sucks: 

1. “Commitment” is the same terminology used to describe someone sent to a mental institution.

2. Commitment is a false pretense.

If the thing that is holding people together is commitment, then they are committed to a word, and that is insane, so indeed they are committed!

3. Commitment leads to quiet resentment.

When a person has a calling to pursue their dreams that may be out of alignment with the relationship status quo, they let it go and passively resent the other person for stopping them.

4. Commitment allows you to act like an asshole.

They have to love me no matter what, so why try?

5. Commitment restricts your self-expression.

When Boyfriend thinks Girlfriend’s behavior affects how others see him, they’ve both just bought a one-way ticket to Boring.Fat Cat Picture - Moe

6. Commitment makes you fat.

Because your passion button is pushed less and less, you get your excitement from food.

7. Commitment makes you pretentious.

Because you think you’re in the Love Club, you pity all those who are single.

8. Commitment makes you have fewer friends of the opposite-sex, if any.

Because the basis of commitment is lack of trust.

9. Commitment makes you anti-social.

Because when the other person doesn’t want to go out, going out feels less fun.

10. Commitment gives you twice as many family relationships.

 

 

 

Siri AjeetSiri Ajeet is a yogi, traveler, culinary adventurer, tarot-spreader, philosopher, and an explorer of the universe, both inner and outer. Her mission is to inspire authenticity and love in these changing times. She teaches yoga in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

 

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Asst. Ed: ShaMecha Simms
Ed: Brianna Bemel

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21 Responses to “If You Really Love Someone, Don’t Commit: 10 Reasons Why Commitment Sucks. ~ Siri Ajeet”

  1. sgb says:

    Did you consider that the commitment could be to a healthy relationship? to authenticity? to mutually supporting each others growth? to open communication? to being honest? to friendship? etc.

    • siriajeet says:

      Yes, commitment can be – my point is that in the relationship you describe, commitment is not necessary.

      • rebecca says:

        i agree with sgb that commitment would still be necessary. it would be a commitment to authenticity, to show up every day, moment to moment, not for the sake of some promise made to another person, but for the sake of living truthfully for your own benefit and keeping your relationship alive with open and honest communication about feelings, needs and desires. after all, most people only stay together as long as they want to stay together (hello, 50% divorce rate), so obviously vows and promises don't really mean a whole lot. living authentically requires a lot more effort than just making a promise, and is the way to take a relationship to deeper levels. i think the commitment to that life is much more meaningful and powerful and if you are in a relationship that has that kind of committed partners in it, you are very lucky indeed.

  2. kate says:

    I don't see the downside to #10???

    • siriajeet says:

      :-) Lucky you! Family relationships are notorious for being full of expectations, obligations, and the discontentment that flows from not meeting expectations. If the inherited family relationships are held as friendships by both sides, it's likely that there would be more respect in the relationship. But I agree, families full of healthy minds are very rewarding!

      • jasper says:

        Twice as many family relationships is a neutral statement. For some it is a good thing and for others not. The degree to which we engage in relationship is always a personal choice whether it be friend, family, or otherwise.

  3. jasper says:

    #3 Commitment leads to quiet resentment? Is it the commitment that leads to resentment or something else? If resentment is within a person, then something needs to change. That change could be within the person experiencing the resentment, or not. I see commitment as a neutral word. It is "bad" or "good" based on what is constructed around the commitment. Some commitments are not good for a person and others are.

  4. jasper says:

    What is the difference between intention and commitment?

  5. Tilly says:

    # 6 is just plain offensive.

  6. Cassandra says:

    All these are ridiculous and offensive to those of us that chose to be committed because we love someone deeply. Relationships aren't always perfect, but if you choose never to commit you deprive yourself of experiencing the depth of a relationship that is possible through weathering adversity together. I don't quietly resent, I'm mature enough to talk about my feelings. I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex. I try to be kind. I go out and socialize. I'm not pretentious. And for god's sake, i'm not fat.

    • Kiersten says:

      I almost wonder if this article was written to be facetious, because it is so ridiculously overgeneralized. Hmmmm…..

      I agree with you Cassandra. I, also, choose to be committed because I love someone deeply. Committed to loving through imperfection.

      • naz says:

        I agree with you… it seems to me like the author as either dumped hard or she is highly insecure about her feelings. You commit to someone because you love them deeply and it's your way of showing how strongly you fee for that person…I am sure that people might disagree… but this is just what I feel… you are either committed or not… there I no "suffering" in commitment….

  7. shannon says:

    This is the first article that kind of upset me on this site. Everyone entitled to their own opinion, but as we get more and more into a disposable mongering society, it's sad to see an article that doesn't celebrate, as the commenter above me suggested, depth in relationships and all of the amazing things that come from "sticking it out". That doesn't happen with a certain amount of commitment. And yes, you argue it "doesn't need to be said", but we are such vastly different beings, all of us, that without the clarity and the intent it would be hard to be on the same page. At least you brought out emotion in me, I suppose. I cheers those that commit and do it thoughtfully and lovingly.

    • Shannon says:

      Forgot my "is" and "doesn't happen without a certain amount of commitment"…..y'all know what I mean :) Weekend brain ;)

  8. Renee says:

    Wow, this is the first totally lame article I have ever seen on Elephant Journal…

    • jasper says:

      Could you elaborate? Do you agree with what others have said?

      • Renee says:

        Yes, I agree with much of what others have said, but my point in a nutshell is that this article feels restrictive not expansive. Its riddled with sweeping generalizations about human nature that all seem fear-based and recommending avoidance as the vehicle to expansion…if it was meant to be sarcastic and opposite-of-what-is-true, the author missed the boat and came across (at least this reader) as giving a rant that feels genuine, not joking. That isnt what usually shows up on this site so it was a jarringly different experience.

  9. Judithw says:

    This provocative article asks us to examine our easy assumptions and suggests ways to freedom. Thank you. One of the most memorable Elephant writings.

  10. Tracy says:

    I couldn’t agree more. And this is why I prefer to remain single.

  11. Annabella Bray says:

    "Commitment' is a word and can be interpreted in many ways. When 2 people are on the same path and have the same intentions then it could certainly be a positive action to make a commitment but there are also cases where people's expectations are different and commitment is used to hold onto another person or is code for 'don't you dare engage with other people or in other activities'…….honest communication and understanding of the other is the key i believe. There are many ways to be in relationship and in an ever changing world we are more and more needing to find our inner certainties without necessarily cleaving to conventionalities. Thanks for the article Siri!

  12. Elena G. says:

    Wow whoever wrote that seems to have a really sad view of "commitment." Also, there are a lot of judgments being made here. Why does the author assume that people only commit because of this reasoning (fear, control, etc)?? I hope that one day they can realize that people have all kinds of reasons for committing into relationships. Fear and control can sometimes cause people to "commit" to each other. But, remember, so can love, passion, openness, and kindness.

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