Regret is a Choice: 6 Tips on How to Live Now.

Via on Mar 20, 2013
letting go

I read something, which reminded me of some folks I’ve met over the years: those who regret.

When we live an honest and true existence with ourselves, we’re living full out!

Regret has no place.

The outcome of what we do isn’t as important, as having fully expressed ourselves.

We can get stuck in a rut, as though our feet are encased in cement; staying stuck for years, afraid to move.

We may become afraid to do any of the following:

> Express how we really feel
> Speak up when we know it’s an opportunity we want
> Choose happiness, instead of staying with the known
> Be connected, deeply and intimately to others
> Live by choices that show who we truly are in this life

The rut is a choice.

Stay with the familiar feeling of discomfort, depression or settling and pretty soon the rut, becomes the rest of our lives.

It’s hard to break out of the rut. Especially when we’ve made choices that work for others, but not for ourselves. Many times decisions are made for what we believe is the benefit of others, when in essence they’re made to remain in this familiar holding pattern.

We hold onto our identity as the good guy or good girl, but inside we are dying or dead.

Releasing ourselves from what we believe others have grown to expect of us does not have to be dramatic. It may be painful or create change. It’s better than a lifetime of pain and regret caused by sacrificing to make someone else happy or holding to a false identity.

We’re not responsible nor all-powerful to control the moods, emotions and feelings of others. Spending time manipulating circumstances to appear to be a certain type of person or to get our way, is a misnomer. We can’t control others’ feeling about us, and end up regretting all that wasted time.

Regret comes from spending time in relationships that no longer serve us; acting in ways that are expected, giving up our dreams for excuses, and basically letting fear drive, while courage takes a backseat.

How many times have we heard: “I wish I’d left sooner,” or “Why didn’t I say what I really wanted to say?” or “I love you, marry me.” There’s a longer list, which we can beat ourselves up with, unless we make a decision right now to live our true existence.

Tips for trashing regret:

1. Get out of any relationship you’re in, which makes you feel any of the following:

> You’re settling
> You have no feelings of love, only habit
> You’re sacrificing yourself to appear to be a good girl or guy
> Remaining is making someone else happy and you miserable
> It feels like a sense of duty

No excuses. Talk to this person today, be honest and kind. Some people may want to hold on, because of their own fear of change, but in the end, none of us deserve to be in something where one party is not authentically there for love, et al. Leaving gives everyone a chance to not settle for less and to find other opportunities.

2. Start Lovin’ Change

Embrace it, because your fear of the unknown is mainly keeping you here. Go through your feelings of emotional inertia, dead/numb space, and any other form of emotional handcuffs holding you back and dive in! Accept that when you live from your own truth, change happens. Appreciate it!

3. Choose happiness

Get rid of the warm blanket of living in the comfort of misery, complacency and fear of disappointment. Chuck it! Start training yourself to just enjoy. Even if circumstances suck, find that peaceful space, because you are alive and breathing, you’re lucky! Stop making choices that you don’t want to, because it ensures familiar misery. You always have a choice, so use it.

4. Express Love Through Words and Actions

You’ll never regret it, if it’s how you feel. Fear can hold love in, creating disease, anxiety and all sorts of unwelcome stuff. If you love someone, don’t just tell them…show them! If you keep choosing to hide or run, just know you’re choosing regret.

Stand still for a moment. What do you want? Love, right? So go for it…before it’s too late.

5. Live your passions and your dreams

It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long it’s been since you’ve done anything toward your dreams or your passions. Start now. Get out of your own way of thinking, what you do will suck, be unworthy or a waste of time. It’s about living not dying, so participate in your passion, now. 

6. Express it all

Be a living painting of who you are, when you have something to say, “say it.” The only who’ll regret not saying the truth is you. Don’t like drama? Then express yourself!

 

 

Like elephant journal on Facebook.

 

 

Ed: Bryonie Wise

 

(Source: phoenix-legend.tumblr.com via Michele on Pinterest)

 

 

About Tracy Crossley

Tracy Crossley is a hyphenate: female, writer, curiosity quencher, artist, poet, gardener of real gardens and existential ones, clairvoyant, and momma to grown ups. She is an intuitive mentor as her main gig. She is currently speaking, writing and mentoring people on love and empowerment in relationships—all of them, personal and professional. If you want to learn more about her, please check out her website, facebook page, blog and on twitter, she always follows back. If you really want to get some quality time with her, email her at Tracy AT tracycrossley dot com or sign up to apply for a Complimentary Relationship Session.

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13 Responses to “Regret is a Choice: 6 Tips on How to Live Now.”

  1. Love this Tracy. I would argue that regret has a brief place: 3 seconds to reflect on it so we don't make the same mistakes over and over, and then let it go. Thanks for writing this!

    • Tracy says:

      Thanks Kate! You are right, 3 seconds is about right for recognizing what we did or where we were … and how to not visit it again with that awareness. : )

  2. Jillian Locke jillianlocke says:

    I can't thank you enough for this article. Oceans of gratitude to YOU! XOX!

  3. Lara says:

    Sounds great.. Until you leave and find the grass is NOT greener. In fact its quite dry/dead/wilted

  4. Tracy says:

    Hi Lara~ For me, if I find the same dead grass, then I know it is something in me that keeps repeating the same thing. And that starts the ball rolling on getting really clear with myself on what I am doing/thinking or expecting and once I have clarity, my perception shifts, as does the types of opportunities, which show up. At least, it has been and right now is my experience; and at this very moment, I had a huge realization that I was unconscious to, which means I am moving through the familiar into the unknown….scary, but already different. : ) Thanks for commenting!

    • Lara says:

      not the same dead grass…but dead grass where there was none before…just the promise of newer/shiner/greener grass. We live in a culture of always wanting newer/better/faster/shiner. of course no one should settle or live with pain/disrespect/violence etc. But I have seen many around me (and myself) think the "grass is greener" when it is already quite damn green and lovely. just my two cents

  5. Amy says:

    Great article, good points. I wholeheartedly agree with the ideas conveyed. I feel inclined to say that I cringed when I read the phrase “[letting go of] relationships that don’t serve us,” feeling that it is misused in some circles. The phrase is most appropriate to describe letting go of internal obstacles, fears, insecurities, anger…rather than justification to cast off people and end relationships. Relationships change. They sometimes are difficult, sometimes easy. Happiness is found within.

    • Tracy says:

      Thank you Amy! I agree with you about the term letting go…many times it is a preconceived expectation that we have of a relationship or what another person is "supposed" to do for us that can keep us from letting go too. Meaning, we may wait for that person to fulfill what is in our heads only to be repetitively disappointed by their inability to live up to that expectation…and then it is just a battle, getting clear "inside" changes the outside and it is not easy to do, but then we can let go of that "ideal" too. Thanks, your comment made me think of other ways to let go too.

  6. kmzam says:

    Great article, very salient points (and well taken). I've become exceedingly good at letting go of relationships that are hurtful and no longer healthy. NOT so good at letting go of regret. I'm pretty lousy at it actually. That's what I need to learn to do – stop being so hard on myself, berating myself for things I wish I hadn't done (but really, probably served a useful purpose regardless of how hurtful they might have been in retrospect), allow myself some humanness, and move forward without looking backward.

    Thank you.

    • Tracy says:

      Thank you so much for your comment. I think regret can become the hardest thing to let go of, especially when we second guess our reasoning for letting go (and beat ourselves up): "Did we do enough?" "Say the right things, and anything else I can find in hindsight to berate myself with." And sometimes we make a mistake or two and as you said allowing yourself some humanness goes a long way to moving forth rather than our eyes on the rear view mirror. : )

  7. Karen says:

    I love this! I have been working on living without regrets – it seems to come down to staying in the moment for me. To not react – but to respond after some thought (and a few good breaths!) This has made a huge difference for me in being able to speak and act with love!

    • Tracy says:

      Hi Karen! Happy to hear that! Speaking and acting with love feels so much better to me too, because we stand in our truth and express what is going on with kindness. Thank you for commenting!

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