How to Unleash Your Sexual Energy & Enjoy Incredible Orgasms. ~ Jerry Stocking & Melissa Russell

Via on Apr 14, 2013

have great sex

Nobody really knows how good your sex is, not Masters and Johnson and not even you.

Certainly, you can compare your sex to other sex you have had or to what you imagine great sex to be, but there is no language and there are no set rules to determine what really good sex is.

In fact, most people have given up measuring how good sex is—instead they just acknowledge whether they had sex or not. Whether you had sex or not is a yes/no question which does not really tell you anything about the sex you’re having. How good the sex is, is an entirely different question which leads to a quality answer that will teach you all kinds of things about your sex, your orgasm and yourself.

The Birds and the Bees

People know a lot about birds and bees…but they know very little about sex.

If you see one bird every once and awhile, you probably don’t know much about birds. This morning, I saw a Yellow Shafted Flicker outside my bathroom window; he is a bit bigger than a robin, has a black bib, a typically dynamic Wood Pecker beak, an acute red triangle on the back of his neck and spots all over the place.

You can notice a lot of details when you’re looking for them; when you can describe an orgasm in this sort of detail, you will be having very good sex indeed.

Ornithology is the study of birds, Apiology is the study of bees but, until now, there has been no word for the study of orgasm. Let’s call the study of orgasms Orgasology and lets spend more time studying them.

Sex tends to fend off enquiry and clarification, driving people nuts in the process. We always want to know how we did, what grade we got on the test or whether the boss likes the job we did. But when it comes to sex, there is no closure and no final exam…not even quizzes.

I bet you ate dinner last night—did you? Your answer might be “yes” and it might be “no.” That is a simple answer to a simple question that won’t really tell you anything about the meal.

How good was your dinner last night? (That is a more complex question and it invites much more exploration and many more details.)

It is likely that regarding food you have many more distinctions, many more flavors and textures and experiences than you acknowledge regarding sex. It is likely that you don’t really know how good your sex is. I am very curious how you could measure good sex, and then have much better sex more often.

If that of interest to you, please read on.

Discovering Quality Sex

Melissa writes:

“I am 40 years old and I’m having the best sex I’ve ever had. Better sex than I have ever imagined. Imagine amazing sex…you and your partner are panting and floating in a post orgasmic state of bliss…that is not even close. All orgasms are good, of course, but each one is different too.

If you are focused on having an orgasm, then you simply are sexually starved. Too hungry to be cool, or to take your time or reach sexual heights. To begin to discover how good your sex is you need more orgasms so that you can compare them.

On average, I have about 185 orgasms a month. Many less than that and I know that I need more sex—and especially more orgasms.

When I have more than that I can discover more subtle differences between them and I begin to have much better ones, pushing the upper end of what is possible.

I hope the 185 number doesn’t put you off—I do other things in a month and, actually, I don’t find that 185 consumes much time at all. (In fact, when I am having plenty of wonderful sex, I don’t think about sex a lot when I am not having it.)

I have lots of time to do other things and I walk around satisfied!

I bring satisfaction to work, to the sunrise and to raising my sixteen year old daughter. I wake up with a smile and attention on my body is always rewarded with an expansive experience of flow and pleasure.

It hasn’t always been like this—I used to have very little sex and very few orgasms. Those were the dark ages, this is much better.”

You Deserve Better Sex

In a recent workshop, I asked participants how much time they have spent having sex; think about how much total time you have spent having sex. In the scope of a lifetime, it is a very short time. I have ridden a bike, skied, sold stocks and bonds and so many other things for much, much more time than I have spent having sex.

It is difficult to be good at something that you spend so little time doing—worse yet, if golf is your game you probably practice a lot. For most people, sex isn’t ever practice, it is serious and meaningful or even embarrassing. As Pete Seeger said, “If you want to learn to play the banjo you need to goof around with it.”

If you want good, you not only need to have more sex—you need to practice and goof around with it.

I have been leading workshops for thirty years; in that time, I have collected data from thousands of people and I have to say that the state of sex in this country isn’t as good as the restaurants, highways or schools.

Yet no politician speaks of the quality of sex. In fact, most of them don’t even mention sex at all. They promise a chicken in every pot, but they don’t mention a happy penis in a smiling vagina or a hundred orgasms a month for every adult in the land. Wouldn’t that be a happy land?!

It seems most of the politicians probably aren’t getting enough so they too can’t entertain a conversation about quality sex.

I suggest that you deserve better sex, but first you have to have enough sex.

People Who Don’t Get Enough Sex Do Crazy Things

They get married to have more sex—getting married doesn’t result in more sex though. They get drunk to have more sex—but sex in a drunken stupor doesn’t really count. They spend time in dead end relationships imagining that having meager, unloving sex is better than no sex at all.

People decide that sex is bad or dirty when they aren’t having enough of it. We use sex as confirmation of our lovability, which means we aren’t lovable when we aren’t getting enough which, for most people, is most of the time.

People get tense, stressed and whacky when they aren’t getting enough sex; they don’t want to talk or laugh about sex when they aren’t having enough sex. And, we don’t want other people to be having sex when we aren’t having enough sex ourselves. Misery loves company.

Not getting enough sex makes every thought you have a little more pointed, a little more edgy and demanding and a bit more serious.

Not Sex For Sex Sake

I’m not really talking about having sex just to have sex; I’m talking about having enough sex that you refine your appreciation of it. You can have enough sex so that it becomes an art—the art of expressing love and connection with another.

Our primary energy is sexual energy; this isn’t an accident, it is a fact. Your body runs on sexual energy and you need sex. Denying yourself sex tends to shift attention and energy to your mind—and the mind is a very dangerous place when the body isn’t getting enough grand sex.

The mind seeks other pleasures and other places to flex your sexual energy—and the mind gets up to mischief. If you doubt that, just imagine how hollow and empty people must be to spend so darned much time watching porn on the web.

I am not against porn, nor do I watch it. I have sex instead, and I write articles like this, inviting you to have more sex. If you have more sex, then this world will be a more loving, softer and more celebratory place.

If more people watch porn none of these things are likely to be true.

This Isn’t Just About Sex

There are a whole lot of other things that come with having enough sex and enough orgasms. You are likely to touch someone quite often and intimately; scientists tell us that there is nothing healthier for a body than being lovingly touched.

We are all likely to spend more relaxed and comfortable time around another person—and, we are likely to relieve some of the energy blockage and stress stored in the body. Orgasms are profound opportunities to let go of things you are holding on to or things that are holding on to you.

Melissa writes:

“Jesus, don’t forget about quality. Quality gets talked about…never. Quality of orgasm: that is worth thinking about, wondering about and even studying. What delightful heights your particular exploration can take you to. You are in this body, in this moment, with this amazing ability to connect with self and with bliss for such a short time. Stretch it out, ride it out, enjoy it!

An orgasm goes on and on—orgasms offer infinite waves of self colliding, partner embracing moments as you melt surrendering again and again.

I was convinced as a teenager that I was conceived in a test tube—there were no post orgasmic pancakes at my parent’s house.

Let’s bring the ever evolving orgasm out in the open; I am of course speaking from the ladies perspective, but gentleman, if you like sex and are interested in orgasms, you might want to discover that orgasm and ejaculation don’t have to go together. You can have loads of orgasms without ejaculation—you can share multiple orgasms with us. We can share pleasure until it is impossible to tell who’s pleasure it is.

Lectures are not on the menu here, as much as a playful invitation to have loads of sex and many orgasms. Not as an end in itself, but as a way of expressing that we are all a human being in a body.

Passion, ecstasy, innocence, curiosity and love all can make a day in the life oh so sweet and ya gotta be sweet on life. What if you woke up in the morning overcome with: ”God, I just want more!”—or “Sweet Jesus, have I got a day for you!”

Those that giveth become those that receive—and baby, if you want an orgasm you gotta learn to receive. So giveth…and count the ways pleasure reveals itself today…”

 

 

Jerry and MelissaJerry Stocking is a non-guru who will twist your idea of reality on its head and leave you laughing. You can find more of his enlightened articles on his personal blog.

Melissa Russell is a certified Myofascial Release Therapist in St. Louis, MO. She has helped thousands of men and women regain physical and sexual function resulting in less pain and greater satisfaction. Find her on Facebook

 

 

 

Like elephant journal gets sexy on Facebook.

 

Ed: Bryonie Wise

Source: tumblr.com via Michele on Pinterest

 

 

 

 

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9 Responses to “How to Unleash Your Sexual Energy & Enjoy Incredible Orgasms. ~ Jerry Stocking & Melissa Russell”

  1. MichelleQuinlan says:

    i did not enjoy this article. the point with which i have the most contention is:

    "People decide that sex is bad or dirty when they aren’t having enough of it."

    i find this oppressive. there is likely much more going on with a painful relationship to sex and sexuality that you callously refer to as a 'decision'. obvious examples that come to my mind are in the cases of some kind of trauma (be it emotional, sexual, psychological, physical). sexuality can be a topic with a lot of shame around it for some people, for countless reasons (personal, systemic, etc) and you completely ignore these common experiences, as if it is all some kind of shirt-buttoned-all-the-way-up-to-the-neck-prudish, victorian defense mechanism. gross!

    i am tempted to keep going but i don't have enough time.

    i am curious as to what the intention is of writing this article? are you attempting to be helpful in some way to anyone anywhere? if so, my unsolicited advice is to get together with a third collaborator. someone who has lots of compassion, knowledge and understanding of trust, openness, intimacy, self-exploration, love, shared experience, and the tenderness of experiencing pleasure; someone who's a good, methodical writer and is comfortable with topics of sex and sexuality; someone who promotes an environment of inclusivity and safety and provides lots of emotional support, and seeks to create a healthy, open-minded dialogue. then, let that person do all the talking. and perhaps listen.

    shit man. it is fascinating when people claim to have 'enlightened views' or write 'enlightened articles' or however you described yourself, and then pump out such oppressive, insensitive, trite drivel.

    • Thanks Michelle for your comments. I appreciate them and thank you for expressing them. I am hoping you didn't hold back much, which is certainly one of the things I advocate. It is risky to express yourself like this and I applaud you doing it.

      Not sure if you read the article I meant to write. I never considered buttoning my shirts all the way up or a Victorian defense mechanism. I have no doubt that many, many, many people have loads of sexual baggage. I certainly do. I hoped, in the article, to suggest that having sex without having to continually evaluate the quality of that sex can be beneficial. Had a group that I was leading years ago. Everybody had an answer to how their relationships were going but nobody knew what phase the moon was in.

      They were busy focusing on their judgments about relationship and missing what was going on around them. Seems to me that whether someone is sexually balanced is a judgement made by the mind and that there is an opportunity to attend much more fully to what our bodies want. Opinions about sex when you aren't having any are a bit like opinions about the French Restaurant down the street when you haven't gone there.

      I have great compassion for anyone who lives in this great country of ours and addresses the subject of sex. We are certainly crazy and uptight about sex more likely to use it to sell products than to learn to express or find pleasure and release in it. We, in general, are so crazy about sex that I suggest we need to stop judging so wildly and actually get on with having way more sex.

      Again, I appreciate your comments and thank you for writing them. I may not be as bad a dude as you imagine. You might even like me. To find out I suggest that if you can stomach just a little more of me take a glance at my Mind Relief Manuscript. It might reveal that I am more interested in personal victory and liberation rather than a return to Victorianism or tight shirt. Here is the link: http://www.jerrystocking.com/MRM.html

      • MichelleQuinlan says:

        actually it is you who misunderstood my comment about the buttoned shirt jerry. i'm not talking about your shirt. just re-read what i said more closely if you care enough to understand my critical feedback and maybe you'll get what i am saying.

        and i scanned your webpage. not sure what this is meant to prove. it is reminiscent of a late night infomercial with all it's grand claims and guarantees. all of you 'instant results' types crack me up. to me it's so obviously cheap and faulty. just not my thing.

        to each their own, right? it looks like some people are actually interested in whatever you are offering. as for me personally, just stinks like bullshit.

  2. @DocResults says:

    Jerry,
    Enjoy your take on sex and getting more. As with all your articles it is outside the box for many and worth marinating in without being for it or against it.

    Like the idea of politicians promising a hundred orgasms a month for every adult in the land. Now that would be a platform. Politician A,"I promise you 100 orgasms a month". Politician B, "I promise you 100 better orgasims a month." Politician C, "I promise you 100 orgasms a month that feel like the pleasure of 1000".

    I wonder what would happen if during the month that after every 25 orgasms one read through your Mind Relief Manuscript. IT might be interesting to see the different aha's after each read.

    Thank you for an enjoyable article.

    To Your Best,
    Houston
    Dr. Vetter

  3. Susan says:

    Enjoyed the article. I enjoy sex as play. A time to be exploring and trying new positions just for the experience and laughing at ourselves when something doesn't go as planned as will happen from time to time. Orgasms are about taking trips into the cosmos, looking into my patner's eyes and smiling a knowing smile. It is about the touch and connection that in itself is so rewarding. While I have experienced trauma in my past, yes, even sexual trauma, It doesn't have to invade the rest of my life. I prefer to live in the present and enjoy my play. The Mind Relief Manuscript is incredible and Jerry's courses are like ten years of therapy rolled up into less then a week.

  4. Janet says:

    Congratulations Melissa and thanks for being upfront. I've spent 20 years with no sex and some self pleasure. Due to medication and some other stuff…who knows…I don't have sex let alone a libido.

  5. John says:

    I'm not sure whether celibacy or prolific sex is better. I've done both. I was a celibate yogi for years and in my last relationship I had sex for an average of 8 hours a day, everyday. Sometimes 6, sometimes 10, but an average of 8. There seem to be benefits to both, depending on what you do with the energy. Both paths can take you up or take you down. I am grateful that both paths have taken me up. For those of you who have not practiced celibacy, it can be incredibly uplifting. It is dramatically different to vow not to have sex period, than to wish you were having sex and not getting it. Not having sex and finding the unity of male and female within and uniting them can take you up. And having lots of sex on the outer and not taking the energy personally, but taking it to spirit, can take you up. And curiously both paths can also take you down. Prolific sex on the outer can leave you dry and depleted. And celibacy can leave you dry, frustrated and depleted in the struggle to not have sex.. There seems to be energy in sex. Where we put our attention and intention seems more important than whether we have sex and orgasms or not.
    The difference between a male orgasm and a female orgasm is amazing. One ejaculation and most men are done. It seems a woman can orgasm forever. I found that riding the waves of female orgasms for hours seems like more fun than having an ejaculation. And it builds energy for the next time. Soon to come.
    I was blessed with a woman that never said no to anything I wanted to try, and I never said no to anything she wanted to try. And having sex for 8 hours a day there was plenty of time to try everything our imaginations could come up with. I am complete in this area of my life.
    And then there is my current relationship where we vibrate at a level where having sex seems like a come down. Just looking in her eyes or hugging her is a recognition of a unity beyond anything sex can offer. We are one on a level I would not have believed possible if I wasn't experiencing it.. I used to use the energy of sex to get close to the vibratory level where we just hang out at. I am blessed. Of course we still have sex. What is the use of having a body if not to have sensory pleasure. But it is a come down on the vibratory level.

  6. Anon says:

    I'm a 56 year old man and I have never had an orgasm. I've ejaculated plenty but I've never experienced what my girlfriend did and I bet that I'm not the only man, if other men were honest about it.
    I'm on my own now and I can't get it up anymore and it's the pits!

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