There are a couple of people in my life who have expressed to me that I have brought them to a more honest place in their world.
They feel as though with me they are inclined not only to be truthful in all things related to me, but in their interactions with people, nature and the world around them.
I am finding this to be very interesting. Both of these circumstances were different in their own right. One of the individuals had been giving me a version of himself that wasn’t dishonest, but it wasn’t necessarily the deepest version of what was really internally present. So for the course of our relationship, it more often than not felt like we were only placing our toes in the pool, really to see how cold the temperature was. There seemed to be some kind of fear based around diving head first in, freezing or not, and just experiencing exactly what was happening at each moment. So it was unsatisfying for me. Whenever I would part ways with this person, there was a sense of emptiness. And it felt…dishonest.
The other person I didn’t know quite as well. And we seemed to have just begun our friendship, when I began to gain significant insight into who he was and how he approached his world. He seemed to tell me that he wasn’t always exactly who he was with everybody, because he didn’t necessarily appreciate people’s reactions to his brutal truths…he felt as though not being wholly honest in his dealings was far more beneficial and easier.
But for me, I tend to disagree. I feel like it seems like much more of an energy expenditure to be someone that you aren’t, just for the sake of making an interaction easier, or really just wanting affection or attention from someone else. I find our truest nature to be so beautiful in its uniqueness, that it should never go unexposed.
For this is my ultimate question: if at the end of the day you aren’t exactly who you are the core, then what part of yourself are you giving?
How has the fear gotten to be so significant that it prevents you from freely flowing through relationship? And how do you choose which version to give? Where in the mind is the version you are giving the best one…And if that version in the mind exists, I want to get to know it better.
So here I am, finishing a day, realizing that in my dealings I was honest and I was exactly who I am. No fear, just me. I want to sleep peacefully knowing that the version I give to everyone is the same. No hidden agendas, no need for impressing people, just real.
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Ed: Kate Bartolotta
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