Living Time or Killing Time? ~ Ally Kupcewicz

Via on May 26, 2013

Gary had a long night

Put an End to Dead End Jobs & Embrace Life.

Wake up. Shower. Hair, makeup, clothes. Get in the car, grab a latte, make it a triple shot, you need it today. Get back in the car, drive to work. Work, work, work, answer emails, answer the phone, answer voicemails, stare at computer screen all day. Leave work, come home, make dinner, have a glass of wine or two. Watch meaningless television. Fall asleep on the couch. Make it to bed around 2: 00 a.m. Four hours later, wake up, and do it all over again.

Many of us encounter a similar weekly agenda. Every day presents itself as more of a schedule of forced obligations and habits than a beautiful exploration of experiences and profound discoveries.

With that said, there are also individuals out there who find their life’s calling very early in life, whether it be art, medicine or travel. I know I personally have always envied that. I craved their passion and undying energy for their work. But more than anything I resented the fact that I had not yet located that for myself. I will admit, unashamed, that I allowed myself to work a dead end job that circulated nothing more than a means to an end, for far too long.

We are all guilty of letting time slip through our fingers. One day, we are fresh out of college ready to conquer the world, stars in our eyes and untamed desire pulsing through our veins. Then we blink, it’s five years later and we have become walking robots in our own skin. Breathing but not living, doing but not loving. It is terrifying how much passion five years of ignoring your intuition can kill.

The scariest part of this realization is determining the next step. Knowing that yes, we can continue to tread water until we drown in our own misery. We can continue to be slowly killed by time. Or, we can pull the rug out from underneath our feet and shake ourselves to the absolute core.

Only you can make the choice to start living time instead of killing it.

For me, it happened all too quickly. I graduated college and I knew one day soon I would become Carrie from Sex and The City, writing my own column in a city that never slept. I’d be inspiring others with my own experiences through the art of written word. I’d be happy every day that I woke. I would be living my life exactly how I had pictured it.

Then reality set in and I realized there were bills to pay and that writing didn’t pay them. So I took jobs, lots of them. Some I thought I would grow to love, some for the money, but most of them I took for the security. Security. What an oxymoron of a word. What is security really? A safe place you can let your guard down? Or is it a dangerous, neverending pit of co-dependence and fear of failure?

I struggled for a long time. I killed more time than I am proud to mention and I wasted too many days wanting what everyone else had.

I don’t remember the exact moment of my epiphany. I don’t know what day it was and I can’t recall where I was sitting. What I do remember is the onslaught of one specific feeling. Relief. I was relieved for many reasons. The main one being that I no longer had to fake it. I didn’t have to pretend to be happy; I didn’t have to pretend to love what I did. From here on out, I was going to be happy. Hell, I was going to love my work. I was going to be living my time.

And you want to know the most ironic part of it all? My “thing,” my passion, had been there all along. Like a patient lover, it waited for me to make my way back home. And what a beautiful homecoming it was.

You will quickly find that loving your work or your “thing” is not just possible, it is relatively the easiest part of the puzzle. The hard part is giving up the security of the job that you find yourself coming to resent more and more each day. That was my problem. I was like, “Yes, I would love to write for a living, but can’t afford to.” Bullshit. You can afford to; it may be uncomfortable for a while but who said anything worth having is easy?

All it takes is the realization that you are the only person stopping yourself from doing what you love.

You have to want to live your time. You can’t expect time to live itself.

 

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ally kupcewiczAlly Kupcewicz is a Georgia native who decided the mountains of Colorado were more her style. Lover of all things furry, a strong cup of coffee, trashy magazines and practicing yoga, Ally has recently taken the leap into freelance writing. Traveling to third world countries to help those who can’t help themselves, and being able to write about it, is her biggest aspiration. Ally’s biggest daily mantra comes from her favorite yogi, Rachel Brathen: “Life happens for us, not to us. Let it all be.”

 

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  • Assistant Ed: Karla Rodas
  • Ed: Brianna Bemel

 

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One Response to “Living Time or Killing Time? ~ Ally Kupcewicz”

  1. Anna Sheinman SOFLY_Anna says:

    Hi Ally,

    Great article. I've been working for a corporation for over a decade, which allowed and helped me to fulfill my wildest dreams, to name a few: moving to CO, teaching yoga and writing. I can't say I love my job, but I like it and I try to do my best. I also learned a lot of great skills, which help me in my life and business. I've been blessed with an amazing managers who really helped me to grow. I also created a working situation to fit into my life-style. For me, the key is not to quite your job, but to make it less intense – middle path…balance. Honestly, I don't think I would enjoy teaching or writing as much as I do now if I had to pay my bills.

    And this is how to have it all: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/12/do-meaning

    Best Regards,

    Anna.
    http://www.streamoflifeyoga@gmail.com

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