What if I Forget How to Write?

Via on May 15, 2013
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via Tara on Pinterest.

Sometimes I have the silliest of fears.

It started quite innocently with a monster under the bed—but as I grew older these thoughts grew bigger as well.

Today, I was worried that I might someday forget forever how to write.

I mean, what if tomorrow all of this inspiration was gone? And, what if these words just stopped flowing along?

I suppose it’s a panic that every writer feels from time to time—and every once and again that one day this magnificent gift of inspiration might just suddenly and forever disappear.

It reminded me of the very first time I brought my newborn son home from the hospital. He had such a rough first few days living in this brand new world—locked away in the farthest corner of a dimly lit Neonatal ICU. And I, a new mother, and not yet knowing what to do, spent every single moment, of every waking hour, slipping my fingers through that tangled mess of wires just to simply touch his hand.

And, when that day finally came, when I was able to bring my baby home—I was overwhelmed with gratitude at this gift of a most precious human life—that I literally spent every single night of those first few months sleeping with my fingers resting gently on his tiny little chest.

You see, I was so terrified that something might happen to snatch this gift away that I barely slept more than a few hours, if at all, with each passing evening.

It was the very first time I had faced the reality of impermanence—the impermanence of life and life’s most special moments.

Writing has become such a joy for me—that in some ways, I feel a bit like a new mother all over again…carefully protecting this amazing gift that has been so graciously shared with me.

And, when inspiration stops me dead in my tracks, urging me desperately to copy down these few short words before the magic of this thought is forever lost?

That’s when I find myself clinging intensely to that one thing I feel might soon be gone.

Perhaps, that is why I am here tonight with my fingers resting gently on inspiration’s chest?

And, as I look over to my son standing here next to me today, my heart is immediately calmed and my fears simply melt away. Because in him, I see all of the love and life’s lessons I’ve shared with him along this way, radiating brilliantly for all of this world to see. And in his eyes, I see a bit of my own spirit reflecting back to me.

Everywhere we turn we are faced with impermanence…but in some way, our spirit lingers on.

I just hope that mine may linger on through my words.

 Like elephant journal on Facebook.

 

Ed: Bryonie Wise

About Tara Lemieux

Tara Lemieux is a mindful wanderer, and faithful stargazer. Although she often appears to be listening with great care, rest assured she is most certainly forever lost in thought. She is an ardent explorer and lover of finding things previously undiscovered or at the very least mostly not-uncovered. When she’s not writing, you can find her walking in the woods and sometimes changing the way we look at things, one simple moment at a time. If after all of this, you still wish to seek Tara out, you can contact her at www.taralemieux.com, OR read her SUPER-AMAZING DAILY blog or, take one second to "LIKE" her on Facebook at Tara's Facebook Page. Or email her directly at tara@taralemieux.com. All roads will lead to one home, and rest assured she (and Nudnick, the wonder dog) would LOVE to hear from you.

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9 Responses to “What if I Forget How to Write?”

  1. Edie says:

    Brought tears to my eyes Tara….
    I live in fear…always….yet the one thing i know is life can strip away so much in so many ways but life cannot rob me of my Muse. For even if I could not write, god forbid, I can feel the dance of her in the sky as she rises with the moon and shines with the sun. As long as I can feel and process feeling I will write..and if I could not write I could still dance with my Muse.

    I know what a lucky boy your son is…and yes, I believe your words will do more than linger….

  2. dejah says:

    Wow, this was beautiful. As a writer–and a mother–I connected with your words. Just lovely.

  3. Terri says:

    This is beautiful, Tara. You truly have a gift and I, for one, am grateful that you share the gift of your words with the world. As a mother of a son who also spent his first few days in neonatal ICU, that experience resonates with me; as a writer who often stumbles over what to say or how to say it, I echo your thoughts in my own. So lovely, thank you.

    • Tara Lemieux Tara Lemieux says:

      Oh, thank you Terri ~ I had a tough time writing last night. Sometimes the words are just 'clunky' ~ but, we writers always find our smooth little resting spot… much love, and namaste.

  4. Carolyn Riker Carolyn Riker says:

    Yes, it is true! I worry that one day my written words won't flow….as it is, some days they get stuck and I choke while I process the stream within…but then they fluttering over the subconscious onto a page. I love your words…you are an inspiration. Thank you! xoxo

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