It happened ever so quietly, so insidiously. It crept in, silently working its magic on my emotional stuckness.
Over the past month, I felt like I was having an internal storm, fighting for survival against an unknown energy vying to consume my identity. It has been lurking in the background of my psyche for as long as I can remember, waiting to judge and pounce. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I let this storm out to play and it had consumed me in the past.
In my personal work over the past eight years, I have slowly come alive and I moved from stuck to struck; struck by insight, peace, clarity and forgiveness.
It started with my two young children attaching themselves to me constantly; during the day, coming to find me in their slumber, and finding solace in my embrace. When I was not in the same room, they sought me out. When I was with them, they fought over who would connect with me first. It was magnetic energy. What did their childlike naiveté see that I was obscuring with my subconscious filters over the past 38 years?
In the background of all the chaos of magnetic love and affection, sat my beautiful, peaceful, level-headed husband. He watched and watched and took everything in. His soulful gaze was different than any time over our 14 year history. It spoke of clarity, love, arousal, peace. What was he seeing that I was missing? Was I looking so hard I could not see what was right in front of me? What was so obvious?
My transition to speaking my truth began when I started to see a chiropractor this past year.
I felt intrinsically drawn to see him because I was not feeling grounded and needed to become unstuck emotionally.
There is that word again. Stuck.
His work is based on the premise that the body can intrinsically heal itself and subluxations are really stuck emotional energy in the system. Since beginning treatments, I have been brought to tears with the slightest touch, raged against my inner turmoil, let go of my expectations of others, began the journey to connect with my shakti and been struck over the head by my bravery.
Back to today.
There sat my beautiful partner, waiting and watching. Each time he passes me, he touches me ever so slightly, lingering and feeding of my divine power. It’s like he’s stopping in to refuel what he needs. And he’s off. What is he waiting for?
Fourteen years together and I have never seen him like this. We finally pry off the little ones, put them to sleep and we are still.
“There’s something about you. You have arrived. I can’t take my eyes off you.”
I have made the move from stuck to struck.
Just one little letter, what a massive shift.
I think back to reading Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup, where she describes feminine energy, the centripetal, irresistible force circling and drawing in everything that comes into its path. I have often thought, what a place to be. If only I could practice this, could arrive here.
And I did. And it is gorgeous.
My light bulb moment was that becoming unstuck, releasing and beginning to let go of the emotional baggage that saddled me down for so long made space for my true self and made space for true connection. Struck by intense passion, love and the first chance in my life to live congruently was finally a reality. The image I present to the world is in alignment with who I am.
Back to my handsome husband; this alignment of pure love made for some of the most intimate connection we have ever had together. I was struck by intense passionate connection, bravery, my divine feminine power, self-love, tremendous confidence, enormous gratitude, appreciation, pure bliss, sincerity. I was truly in an ecstatic place, beyond any worldy pleasure I had ever experienced.
It made all the worries and concerns of the day miniscule and pale in comparison to the ecstatic gorgeousness of being true to myself.
Since that day, I have encountered a sense of calm and have been attracting fabulous energy and people my way. All because I let go and made space for love and passion to fill up the space.
I am overflowing and abundant.
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A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. These People are Rare Gems—Keep Them, Fight for Them, don’t Give Up on Them. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? My Marriage had to End—for my Life to Begin. The Day I Stopped Running. Why your Yoga Goals are (Probably) Irrelevant, if not Downright Dangerous. Dear Woman in the White Car at Margaritas Mexican Grill in West Memphis, Arkansas on July 15th, 2012. Overcoming the Storm by Becoming the Storm. A Toast to PTSD: The Solution Starts with One Question. Hot Love with a Leo.