How to Love a Soulful & Conscientious Woman.

Via on Jul 3, 2013

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

(Note: While the above is written with a feminine to masculine flow, of course it is valid in both directions. We are all in this together—and are deserving of being met with in a space of love, openness and truth.)

Relationships fascinate me.

I’m naturally very curious about and aware of a person’s story: their journey, their struggles, the things that they’ve learned as a result of their collective experience, their joys and passions—the way that they interact with others and dive into and negotiate matters of the heart, love and connection.

The dynamic between two lovers is both personal and universal. There are so many unique twists and turns—yet, love, and the way in which we interact and develop bonds, seems to hold many commonalities across groups and cultures.

This dynamic is always shifting. Where maybe a simple declaration of “partnership” may have sufficed for two people to meet up and remain together in the past, the souls in our current time and space are wanting and needing more; they’re wanting and needing a real connection—a connection that is every bit as much based and focused on the spiritual as it is the physical. Paradigms are crumbling and shape-shifting. What works—what really works—is in the process of being turned upside down and re-written.

For those a tad late to the party, it’s a tricky game.

Women are more fully stepping into and embracing assertive, powerful roles. They are less likely to settle for a man who doesn’t match their full vision of an ideal partner. Aware, evolved and balanced, women are typically only really drawn to aware, evolved and balanced men—and, like any truly aware being, many can sense fraudulence with precision, which makes establishing a spiritually solid relationship an upstream swim for any man misrepresenting himself. Manifesting and developing a strong and sustaining relationship is much easier after egos are released and daily thoughts and actions are fully and authentically aligned with the words representing those daily thoughts and actions.

Here are a handful of general and fun tips I’ve put together to help any lad develop a mutually satisfying connection with a sharp and soulful woman:

1. Always, in all ways, adore, love and respect her.

2. Listen well and learn to understand the difference between talking to and talking with her.

3. Understanding the foundational differences between divine masculine and divine feminine energy will go a long way in transforming moments of frustration.

4. Feel into the phrase ‘making love’ and away from less tasteful words and phrases—unless you both are feeling into them.

5. Learn to control your climax. It takes most women a bit longer to reach a releasing point during sex. Developing and/or refining your ability to wait, when waiting is wanted/needed, will both soulfully and physically upgrade the experience—for you both.

6. When she’s sharing with you, quietly take her in. She may not always express her thoughts and feelings with the desire, need or expectation of later wading through your suggestions and/or proposed solutions.

7. Learn to kiss lightly; learn to kiss deeply. Know which to roll out and when.

8. Emotional maturity and intelligence is far sexier than how you look. Period.

9. Confidence? Essential. Arrogance? Not so much.

10. Offer a grounded foundation on and to which she can safely and reliably seek refuge.

11. Learn to let go of the day and be present and invested in your intimate moments with her.

12. Spend as much time getting to know yourself as you spend getting to know her. Happiness and balance overflows to and affects all connections.

13. Channel your sexual energy in a way that is mature and manly—not reckless and boyish.

14. Allow both of you to explore interests without emanating a possessive energy.

Here’s the deal: in my experience, we don’t really care about what you look like, how much money you make, where you live, what you drive or what kind of “spiritual” lingo you can pass along from the latest Eckhart Tolle book that you’ve read; we care about what and who you bring to the table during the quiet, silent moments.

We care about how you speak to us through your daily decisions and actions more than through your words. We care about who you are and how you consistently show up.

Be yourself. Be Truthful. Communicate from your gut and heart space. Listen. Cultivate a foundational trust that is fulfilling and sustaining—and you’ll effortlessly draw in strong, beautiful, spiritually savvy women who are, in turn, very capable of giving to and building a high-vibe relationship that is sound and solid—for the long stretch.

Yes! (Yes, please.)




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Ed: B. Bemel

About Carrie Ciula

Carrie Ciula is a writer, educator and advocate of sustainable, earth-connected living and whole food nutrition. Drawing from a colorful “medicine bag” of healing tools and skills, she integrates psychological, biological and energetic science with spiritual practice; channeling the energy of deep transformation through nutritional support, somatic & bio-energetic balance, healing heat and rooted intention. It is her deepest desire and joy to bring through the vibration of unconditional love and to hold space for all that divinely unfolds through each of us. Connect with Carrie through her website, Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.


19 Responses to “How to Love a Soulful & Conscientious Woman.”

  1. Gerry Ellen Gerry Ellen says:

    Fantastic article!

  2. bernecho says:

    Awesome. I needed this today.

  3. Auki says:

    I look forward to the day when an ej woman writer steps up and blogs about how she and her sisters can be better wives, mothers, friends, lovers and partners for the men in their lives. All these ej articles instructing men how to be better relationship-partners for women are boring me to tears (and reeking of narcissism!)

    • Sarah says:

      Why? Because men are always pressured to become better partners, husbands, fathers already?
      And it's boring to hear how they could be more considerate and realize what the women the writer of the article talks about emotionally need?

      I don't generally enjoy articles that adress one gender. I think relationships should be talked about with both partners' perspectives. But I enjoyed her honesty and that this was in no way a shallow or "narcissistic" article about men changing who they are for women, or constantly be the giving person in the relationship or revolving their lives around the women, or trying to look better for them. (which is the case in men's articles instructing women on how to be "better" for them)

      A man can write an article about his emotional needs and expectations from women. And women would read their point of view gladly because we're used to reading those kind of articles. We don't view them as "narcissistic" as long as we see that the writer himself would be actually interested to hear the women's side as well because they know a relationship goes both ways, as the writer of this article pointed out. And I really doubt they would call more insight on their partner's needs "boring" and "narcissistic" just because they expressed their personal needs.

      But since you made it sound like there are no articles about women being "better" let me tell you: Women are constantly told and instructed by society on how they should please "their men" and how they should "behave" and "look like" already. In case you missed the general treatment of people, media and all those articles written by both men and women, you can google and find plenty.
      Then read the list of requirements of "being a better woman/wife/lover" as if they're expected from you. Then compare them to the list in this article. You'll see how the articles addressing women (written by both women and men) superficially approach women and what they demand from women both physically and emotionally, and then just maybe, if you really want to that is, you'll see how "decent" this list just requires a man to be by acting unselfish. Don't forget to compare the number of articles you find.

      The point is, people (both women and men) should be able to talk about their own needs and expectations from a relationship without being accused of being narcissistic. Especially when they also care about their partner's needs. What makes this narcissistic? Hearing that you should try to last until your partner climaxes, maybe? Thinking of your partner as well merely means you care for them. That's too much?

      And compared to this one reminder that women might need more time is not the same with instructing women "how to keep their men with constantly surprising them in bed" as we see in articles adressing women as you demanded. They are so many articles that specifically instruct women on how to please their men (both sexually and in other ways) you'd be surprised, but maybe you wouldn't. Because that wouldn't bore you and that is definitely not narcissistic from a man's point of view since all it does is "teaching women new ways to make a man happy".

      To call an article which says: "It's not about the looks, not about the money, not about flattering or sweet words, just love her" narcissistic you should have a pretty deformed view on relationships.

      Of course it must be difficult to bear when all you want to read about is how women can please men but if you want that kind of article, you should just read cosmo.

      • Sarah S says:

        I completely agree with what you said Sarah. It’s both about men an women and it does get tiring reading just about one side like Cosmo an all them telling women and men to be a certain way. When really we should just be our selves but be mindful of the other person and be aware of there wants an needs because it’s about two people, whether it’s about boy-girl girl-girl or boy-boy doesn’t matter who your going out with as long as you care about the person and try to understand them and there feelings that’s all that really matters. All articles should be about understanding both sides and vein about to talk an discuss it with both. I would like to see an article written by Man and a women getting both prospective a and a combined one would be interesting.

  4. Darren [Australia] says:

    As a guy, I have to write something here. Not to defend the average males shallow ego, but to say what an awesome article you've written that is bang on! A strong, beautiful, spiritually savvy woman recently told me that she wished more guys did yoga – for the exact reasons you've outlined. I guess it's my job to get more guys into yoga, so that they can find themselves truly and deeply, for the benefit of womankind :-)

  5. Josh says:

    Great piece , I needed that today , a little refocusing is always a great thing>

  6. Kai says:

    Amazing piece. Spot on!

  7. kzelmoon says:

    Hmmm… not sure about you but in my neck of the woods relationships are cracking and crumbling all over the place, long-term marriages ending. And maybe its just our local water but at least 4 of the marriages I know of that have come to an end are because the women got bored and wanted some strange. Now that is really a superficial reason, but what Im observing is that these women have deep deep wounds that have never been healed and they havent yet learned to love themselves (and most of them "do yoga".) The men they are leaving are (at least from my never-been-married-to-that-guy perspective) grounded, devoted, kind, understanding, etc… and its the women who are restless, kind of spoiled, not taking responsibility for their shit. All this is to say that I dont get the gender-fication of this piece. There are definite archetypal masculine and feminine traits that we embody but throughout this piece it could mostly be read with as much truth if you switch the he/she the other way around. For instance, "Here are a handful of general and fun tips I’ve put together to help any one develop a mutually satisfying connection with a sharp and soulful someone"

    • Uma Simon uma simon says:

      Good for you. It's interesting to me how women on the "spiritual" path are really looking for God, whereas men seem to be happy with the women they have and are not search for God in a woman. It could be because women possess both male and female qualities which make for a great package to be with, where men sometimes only rely upon their left brain and are content to be analytical, rational, etc., which is not bad, yet women want the "whole"package too, and for the most part, men have not wanted to own both sides of their brains. Some women, however, seek companionship with other women; others think it's reason enough to walk away from a relationship. Anyway, nicely written, well-thought out article.

    • Lea says:

      There's a difference between being spoiled and speaking up about your emotional needs. As long as you're not relying on someone for your happiness you can have healthy expectations from a relationship. That doesn't mean you're "wounded", ,neither does "doing yoga". Being spoiled is wanting and being accustomed to having everything your way. It's not the same thing as knowing what you personally need and expressing it.

    • TheMeetingGuy says:

      Yo Kzelmoon, and everyone… so yeah as good as this article is, and I did get a lot from reading it, to me Kzel here is bringing some truth: In my experience, women leave men more than men leave women. (whether they are together or not…) – I've seen many couples/families broken because the woman is restless. The author offers a bullet list of how men can behave to prevent this. Fine, good stuff. The balance would have been welcome.

  8. Renée Picard smallgrl says:

    I so resonate with this, but would never have known how to express it so eloquently. Thank you!

  9. Maria Velasco says:

    Interesting that you mention and make so clear that how the masculine looks does not matter to the feminine, what about the feminine's looks?

  10. Kim Roberts says:

    interesting perspectives here, including the comments! thanks for igniting it.

  11. Sarah says:

    Wow. You took the words from my heart and put them in front of me. Thank you for so eloquently and accurately describing what many of us wish we could say. I will definitely be keeping my eyes peeled for more of your articles!

  12. Sacred journey of a yogini says:

    This is the best most informative article that I have read in a long time and spot on in every way. i am sure that it works both ways. Thank you for this piece of pure wisdom.

  13. Pulseguy says:

    The first on the list is so wrong I almost don't know where to begin. It is guaranteed to make you miserable.

    You can't get what you refuse to give. If you wish to be adored and loved and cherished at all times and in all ways, then are you prepared to do so? Can you do the same at all times? How about when someone isn't adoring you and cherishing you in all ways? If you can't, then don't expect it from someone else. If you can, you wouldn't need anyone to love you in any particular way. Because you would swim in love.

    It is enough to just have someone love you sometimes, in some ways, and put up with you the rest of the time. If you need more than that, you will be unhappy in every relationship.

    Most of the items on the list are nonsense, unfortunately. Either so vague as to be meaningless – Divine Feminine/Divine Masculine? Is there a clear meaning for those two things we all agree on? Or, just plain bad advice. Men should not learn to control their climax. Men should put some effort into becoming good lovers, as should women. But, if your guy controls his climax for 30 years, he won't be having any when he's in his late 50s. And, that isn't good for either party.

    All the communication stuff is mostly really about how to control the guy. Have him communicate with you the way you want him to? I think not. Learn to communicate together. If he 'learns' how he should talk to you it will eventually become too much trouble, and he'll stop talking.

    Many women, not all, but many, loooove endless detail about day to day things. Most men, not all, but most don't. You want to go on and on about something tiny, do so. But, call your girlfriend up. Don't expect him to change who he is to be with you. As he should not expect you to suddenly love to hear about intricate economic policy, or whatever it is he is in to.

    This list was written by someone who has never had a good relationship, and if she sticks to her list, she never will.

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