5 Reasons I’m Proud to be a Slut. {Adult}

Via on Aug 21, 2013

sluts say yes

A slut is a person who engages in promiscuous activity, specifically sexual activity with multiple partners (not necessarily partners at the same time, though that isn’t discounted from the definition).

We’re currently experiencing the popular cultural display of slut-shaming. This is particularly directed at women as a way for others to exert power and control over the women’s behavior. There is a hypocrisy in that women are supposed to exhibit overt sexuality, though they aren’t supposed to actually engage in it (unless within the confines of a monogamous relationship) and they surely are not supposed to enjoy it. It’s the basic Madonna/Whore complex, women are either saintly and thus untouchable or debased and though sexually appealing not worthy of a respectful partnership.

Slut-shaming has taken its toll in mainstream media by privileged upper class white men (Limbaugh et al.) who attempt to stay on top by degrading everyone else below them, people who actually might have something better to say, or something better to offer our society. Of course, these men are not the only ones slut-shaming, it occurs throughout almost all demographics, but the underlying message, the way in which is works to strip away the woman’s agency, is always the same.

What happens when women begin to exert their independence, their intelligence, their sexuality? Why is it so scary?

I am a single (ish), educated woman, and I enjoy sex. If that makes me a slut, then this is why I like it and have no plans to stop.

Here are 5 Reasons Why I Have Slut Pride:

1. Can’t Tie Me Down (unless it’s with rope in a hot Dom’s Dungeon).

I need my alone time. I need my single time. I do not believe that everyone should hop from relationship to relationship; participating in serial monogamy only repeats the former problems. If there isn’t time to reflect on what went wrong and how to improve it for the future, why even bother getting out of the bad one to begin with?

It’s good to focus on the self, to learn to love the self, and learning how to love the self takes practice and time. But, it doesn’t mean that during this “practice and time,” pleasure, intimacy, sex, different forms of relationships etc. need to cease. It feels like many people jump from one person to the next because there is such a high social expectation set for coupledom.

As Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy write in The Ethical Slut:

“Perhaps if being single were an acceptable, even valued lifestyle, partnerships might develop more out of choice and less out of a sense of necessity or a desperate grab for salvation.”

I like being single, being “alone” doesn’t mean that I’m lonely, nor am I technically alone. I have a community of people around me available to help meet all of my needs and desires; I don’t feel like I have to constantly be in a committed long-term relationship for that to happen.

bondage rope

2. It’s My Body and I’ll Do What I Want To.

From Margaret Sanger (founder of Planned Parenthood) to Wendy Davis (the Texas state senator filibustered for 11 hours to protect abortion clinics), women for decades have been defending the basic right to have control over our own bodies. And what is the point in receiving proper reproductive health if we cannot explore our sexuality depending on our own individual desires?

Some people may enjoy exploring just one other person for years and years while other people may get off on getting off with a different person every week; as long as respect for each other and proper communication of boundaries and desires are discussed there is not innate harm in any choice. The beauty is actually in the choices themselves; if there was a default for exploring intimacy, intimacy would be rather mundane and unfulfilling.

birthcontrol

3. Underbutt to the Rescue!

I like wearing short shorts. I like feeling the breeze on my freshly-shaved smooth legs. I go for runs, I bike, I do the yoga thing on occasion. I have amazing butt cleavage that should not be kept hidden from the world.

This is my opinion of beauty expectations, our consumerist culture does whatever it can to keep women feeling ugly, to keep selling them things to “fix” about their appearance. It not only devours a big chunk of our finances, but also our time.

Sure sure, manicures are fun, getting a new haircut feels awesome, finding that perfect pair of jeans is like a dream coming true. But all of that just comes down to one thing, the most important beauty standard of all: confidence. The daily bombardments of make-up ads, clothing commercials, naked billboard models, only try to strip women of their inherent confidence so they will become dependent on buying things to build that confidence back up.

Because confidence is the sexiest thing about a person, but confidence comes from within, from being at peace with yourself, from loving and respecting yourself. Whether blatant or not, the billion-dollar beauty industry thrives off of women’s lack of confidence. When we regain that, we become a threat to those in power, no longer do they have control over our dollars or our time. And if we start using our money and our energies on other projects those people will slowly start to fall from the top. No one wants to lose power. And people will do some really unethical evil things to other people just to keep it.

But I say, fuck those guys, wanting to feel attractive to others is not something to ever feel ashamed about, neither is wanting to have sex, and sometimes you have to show a little underbutt to get it.

short shorts

4. Sex Prevents Cancer!

It’s a proven fact that if you don’t use it, you lose it. And even if it wasn’t a proven fact, I wouldn’t want to be the one “not using it.” There are a million articles out there right now saying how good it is to bang. So, if it’s so good for people to be banging and I am trying to live a healthy lifestyle (minus the drinking and occasional smoking and the accidental weekly trip to potato chip aisle) why not roll around in the sack then?

Orgasms are like the greatest and they do all sorts of amazing things for the body that include but are not limited to:

• Improves digestion and mood.

• Helps to prevent cancer by providing an overall lymphatic massage.

• Promotes healthy estrogen levels (which protect against osteoporosis and heart disease).

• Flushes out cortisol and boosts endorphins, which induces relaxation.

• Helps spike DHEA levels, which improves brain function, balances the immune system and helps maintain and promote healthy skin (source).

So fuck it, call me a slut if you want to, at least I’m a healthy slut and I’ll probably live longer than all the no-sluts anyway!

sexy sex

5. Around the World in 80 Lays.

Being a slut is awesome. I get to meet so many interesting people and I get to see plenty of them naked! There are many ways a person can be a slut. I try to do it as ethically as possible; that means communication and honesty. The problem with the more elaborate definition of the word “slut” is that it de-values the person in question. Luckily, us sluts are doing a pretty good job re-claiming the word.

There is value here, sluts bring intimacy, connection, joy, pleasure, entertainment, sexiness, sensuality, playfulness, curiosity, confidence, desire, and yeah, maybe even a little bit of love now and again. We have assurance in our bodies and our minds, and we like sharing our lives with others regardless of whether or not we want to share ourselves for a night or for a lifetime. We’re open to possibilities, explorations, adventure–not unlike our un-slut friends–just that our pants come off a little easier.

And who really likes wearing pants anyway?

panties

Like elephant journal gets sexy on Facebook.

{Photos:BondagebyAterCrudus, Nerve, Juan, Jeremy Entwistle, Louis Shackleton.}

Ed: Sara Crolick

About Krystal Baugher

Krystal Baugher lives in Denver. She earned her MA in Writing and Publishing and her MA in Women and Gender Studies from DePaul University/Chicago. She is the creator of Mile High Mating, a website dedicated to helping people "do it" in Denver and beyond. You can find her on facebook and twitter (as long as you aren’t a stalker).

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14 Responses to “5 Reasons I’m Proud to be a Slut. {Adult}”

  1. Kristina says:

    Sing it Sista! Slut to slut – thank you for this article and reminding me to stay confident and strong in my deepest inner knowing that the sex I so love and enjoy is natural, healthy and right. With mutual openness, consent and safety, having sex can be a wonderful gateway to connection and intimacy that I think so many humans are longing for.

  2. Jamielo says:

    Awesome!!!! Thank you so much for articulating my thoughts and feelings on this!

  3. Oriscus says:

    I am a fat, middle-aged cis man of modest income who hasn’t had anyone (anyone to whom he was also attracted, anyway) unambiguously even *pretend to want to see him naked in four years, and I say Amen/You Go Girl!

  4. Marisa Becker says:

    One thing I noticed missing from this article: Women slut-shame each other too, it's not just a white patriarchal thing being aimed at us by some Other who wants to control us. We police each other on sexual norms and behaviors too, there's as much hate and criticism inside the tribe as there is love and acceptance. I like to think I'm pretty darn sex-positive and I've still reflexively raised an eyebrow at another woman's choice of clothing or her behavior in public.

    Where I think it gets tricky is how one defines "slut" – whether it's a matter of actually *being* promiscuous or just *appearing* promiscuous – all the little cues that indicate a woman //might// be promiscuous. I have little issue with women (safely, consensually) taking as man partners as they want. What makes my hair stand up is quote-unquote "slutty" outward expressions, like hanging all over people in public, wearing super-revealing clothes (though it has to be pretty damn revealing to get my eyebrow up), or anything that reeks of desperation for sexual attention. There's a very subtle, hard to define difference between inviting sexual attention, and demanding it. For me personally, I prefer to err on the side of subtlety, and am put off by someone who's being too overt. I think one can be a slut AND a lady.

    • Sam says:

      Thank you for this comment. You really helped me understand an issue I've been struggling with. I try not to judge or slut-shame. However, I do have a problem when people dress and are 'slutty' not for themselves, but to seek the attention of a others (as you say, "demanding it"). This is when I have a problem with promiscuity- when someone does other than for self-satisfying reasons. (Then again, this raises the issue of who are we to determine if they are being promiscuous for themselves or for others?). I think as long as someone is being both emotionally and physically healthy, they can do whatever and whomever they please!

  5. Erica says:

    Love it! Slut on!

  6. Megan says:

    So glad I chose this for one of my two free

    articles today.

  7. Tracy says:

    Thanks! I am so glad that someone can say that single and celibacy do not go hand-in-hand. I am happy being alone but I like some steamy
    sex, too. If that makes me a slut, then let me stand right next to you, chickie!

  8. Valter_V says:

    Proudly and unashamedly loving all the sluts around the world! :-)
    Go go go sisters!

  9. Katrina Popps says:

    maybe the name slut should be changed for those who are in control and enjoying themselves. slut to me means a lost girl who is finding love in all the wrong places and not doing herself any favours in the process. i would think that the above woman is not in this category and thus not a slut. slut is a negative word i feel and should stay that way.

  10. wehra says:

    I think it is never to late to start! Menopause and slutyness must be a great combination!

  11. Futuro Esposa says:

    Wonderful article. I could not agree more. A woman like me has full confidence in herself and doesn’t have to reveal or show her body to anyone. Unless its her lover and then it’s on like donkey kong. I get so much attention already (modestly speaking) that if anything I try to cover my body at times to get less. A better way to say it is to dress lady-like with respect of myself. The way my momma raised me to be. You see I have friends that are very different than me. They are even married yet choose to dress in such a way to beg attention from any and all males they can. I have found it interesting through the years that I’m the single one and how I dress, yet they are married yet try to demand attention. If I must be fully honest people like that do not fully respect their spouse or commitment to their relationship. I have seen it in the flesh (No pun intended). I have seen it on trips and how they flirt with others and beyond with complete strangers, yet I’m single and would never go there. That being said, I love feeling sexy and expressive with my one and only. Cheers to never losing it!!!

  12. Nicole says:

    You do realize people will call women sluts all they want and there is nothing you can do about it? And when you say "I'll probably live longer than all the no-sluts anyway!" …..seriously? You can't fight slut shaming with virgin/non-slut shaming.

  13. cherokeemolly says:

    "I'll probably live longer than all the no-sluts anyway!" Well that is a great way for you to look at it because it makes you feel better. The reality is that probably a lot of the people/guys you fuck are just using you and you can say it's all good all you want, but they are using you like a toilet. Eventually you will realize that you want relationships that mean something more than getting yourself off.

    The other reality is:
    Your chances of getting cervical cancer are much greater the more sexual partners you have, even with protected sex. A condom does not cover all skin in the action area, and HPV, the virus that causes cervical cancer, is spread my skin to skin contact. You can have HPV without even knowing it. I suggest you go out right now and get the vaccine that will help protect you from HPV/genital warts/cervical cancer.

    Being proud to call yourself something so derogatory I think is weird. Sort of like calling yourself a cunt. I had lots of sex partners earlier in my life and eventually got to where I hated men for a long time because all they wanted from me was a good roll in sack. Eventually I found someone that I loved and committed myself to and we are still having great sex 30 years later.

    Lots of people think your article was great because you are so liberated or whatever. I read between the lines.

    I am not slut shamming, just saying I was there once, and it goes nowhere.

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