How Would We Write Our Own Obituary? ~ J.R. Epps

Via J.R. Eppson Aug 18, 2013

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Photo: Brian Bisaillon

I wonder, if given the same opportunity, how would we write ours?

Jane Catherine Lotter

 Jane Catherine Lotter

Obituary

Jane Catherine LotterOne of the few advantages of dying from Grade 3, Stage IIIC endometrial cancer, recurrent and metastasized to the liver and abdomen, is that you have time to write your own obituary. (The other advantages are no longer bothering with sunscreen and no longer worrying about your cholesterol.)

To wit:

I was born in Seattle on August 10, 1952, at Northgate Hospital (since torn down) at Northgate Mall. Grew up in Shoreline, attended Shorecrest High, graduated from the University of Washington in 1975 with a Bachelor of Arts in History. Aside from eight memorable months lived in New York City when I was nineteen (and where I worked happily and insouciantly on the telephone order board for B. Altman & Co.), I was a lifelong Seattle resident.

In my professional life, I was a freelance writer, editor, and proofreader. Among career honors, I received a First Place Society of Professional Journalists award for Humorous Writing for my column Jane Explains, which ran from 1999-2005 in the Jet City Maven, later called The Seattle Sun. Also won First Place in the Mainstream Novel category of the 2009 Pacific Northwest Writers Association Literary Contest for my comic novel, The Bette Davis Club (available at Amazon.com). I would demonstrate my keen sense of humor by telling a few jokes here, but the Times charges for these listings by the column inch and we must move on.

Many thanks to Sylvia Farias, MSW, at Swedish Cancer Institute for encouraging me to be part of an incredibly wise gynecological cancer support group. Thanks as well to the kind-hearted nurses and doctors at Group Health Capitol Hill oncology. And thanks to my sister Barbara who left no stone unturned in helping me get life-extending treatment in my final months.

I also want to thank Mrs. Senour, my first grade teacher, for teaching me to read. I loved witty conversation, long walks, and good books. Among my favorite authors were Iris Murdoch (particularly The Sea, The Sea) and Charles Dickens.

I was preceded in death by my generous and loving parents, Michael Gallagher Lotter and Margaret Anne Lotter (nee Robertson), and by my dear younger sister, Julie Marie Lotter. I am survived by my beloved husband, Robert (“Bob”) Lee Marts, and our two adult children: daughter, Tessa Jane Marts, and son, Riley William Marts. Also my dear sisters Barbara Lotter Azzato, Kathleen Nora Lahti, and Patricia Anne Crisp (husband Adrian). And many much-loved nieces and nephews, in-laws, and friends.

I met Bob Marts at the Central Tavern in Pioneer Square on November 22, 1975, which was the luckiest night of my life. We were married on April 7, 1984. Bobby M, I love you up to the sky. Thank you for all the laughter and the love, and for standing by me at the end. Tessa and Riley, I love you so much, and I’m so proud of you. I wish you such good things. May you, every day, connect with the brilliancy of your own spirit. And may you always remember that obstacles in the path are not obstacles, they ARE the path.

I believe we are each of us connected to every person and everything on this Earth, that we are in fact one divine organism having an infinite spiritual existence. Of course, we may not always comprehend that. And really, that’s a discussion for another time. So let’s cut to the chase:

I was given the gift of life, and now I have to give it back. This is hard. But I was a lucky woman, who led a lucky existence, and for this I am grateful. I first got sick in January 2010. When the cancer recurred last year and was terminal, I decided to be joyful about having had a full life, rather than sad about having to die. Amazingly, this outlook worked for me. (Well, you know, most of the time.) Meditation and the study of Buddhist philosophy also helped me accept what I could not change. At any rate, I am at peace. And on that upbeat note, I take my mortal leave of this rollicking, revolving world-this sun, that moon, that walk around Green Lake, that stroll through the Pike Place Market, the memory of a child’s hand in mine.

My beloved Bob, Tessa, and Riley. My beloved friends and family. How precious you all have been to me. Knowing and loving each one of you was the success story of my life. Metaphorically speaking, we will meet again, joyfully, on the other side.

Beautiful day, happy to have been here.

XOXO, Jane/Mom

Jane took advantage of Washington state’s compassionate Death with Dignity Act and died peacefully at home on July 18, surrounded by her family. She was sixty years old. At Jane’s request, her ashes were scattered in Elliott Bay, near the Pike Place Market. Jane and Bob also have a tile on Row 41 at the Market that says: BOB AND JANE IN LOVE.

A celebration of Jane’s life will be held at 3:00 p.m. on August 4, 2013, at the Great Hall at Green Lake, 7220 Woodlawn Avenue NE, Seattle, 98115.

Friends have established a memorial fund. Reference the Jane Lotter Benevolent Account, A/C number 3595611530, c/o BECU, PO Box 97050, Seattle, 98124-9750.

Published in The Seattle Times on July 28, 2013

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Assistant Ed: Dana Gornall/Ed: Bryonie Wise

About J.R. Epps

J.R. Epps is a father, student of yoga, runner, cyclist and life traveler. He barely is able to text and does not blog, tweet or twitter (he does occasionally twitch).

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One Response to “How Would We Write Our Own Obituary? ~ J.R. Epps”

  1. occultfan says:

    This is absolutely loving and lovely.
    My sentiment is matched by my honor for life itself.
    I cry, at the romance, but grow calm and clear at
    the knowledge that I am still here, and that, while
    beautiful recollections do move me, I am pleased
    that I have experienced this piece of someone's
    true heart and compassion, and in thanks, I say
    what a wonderful thing it is to be at all.

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