Radical Love.

Via on Aug 25, 2013

breathe2

I recently wrote a post about how we attract others exactly where we’re at with ourselves.

“Let’s say your total love capacity is 60 gallons and only 20 gallons of that is love for yourself. You will attract someone else who is about 20 gallons of love.”

This is why self-love is radical love. It’s what makes the difference.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time loving me and radically changing the relationship I have with myself. I’ve been on the path for years, but it really didn’t click for me until I saw something in my relationships and those of my clients.

Most people have about 20-25 gallons or less of self-love within them, the rest is covered by fear or ego.

There’s a misconception that finding the right partner will make all the difference.

I don’t see how it can, because we’re the holders of our perception. We decide what we believe. If we have beliefs about ourselves that are highly negative, we’re probably holding about 10 gallons of self-love. How can we even expect that will change with the inclusion of someone else in our lives?

The statement, “wherever you go there you are,” applies to relationships too. Sooner or later the honeymoon phase wears off and if you have two people not loving themselves, where’s the love to give and where’s the opening to receive?

If I’ve no space to receive, which is what I use to attract: others who didn’t feel good enough to receive either, then what was I giving? The little bits and pieces I had to give came with a lot of attachment. I couldn’t give love freely, because I was practically starving from the lack of it myself.

The space to receive was nonexistent; it was filled with fear and waiting for someone to prove their worth, but of course that can’t happen when we’re both standing in the way of loving ourselves first. It’s like we believe someone else has to show us we’re lovable, except that never works!

We think something is wrong with someone who may show us love for no apparent reason. Some of us also think we need to compete in an MMA fight or some other suffering punishment before we feel we deserve some lovin’.

Recently, I was out walking, feeling connected to my joy—nature.

I was thinking about all the ways I started showing up differently for myself; from my use of language, to how I spend my time.

All the ways I’ve changed my level of self-love have started to show a return and while I was walking, I thought of the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I’ve watched it a million times. I’ve always liked the message.

Imagine my surprise when I came home and turned my TV on (a rarity) and there it was: Eat, Pray, Love playing not once, but twice in a row on the tube!

I found myself fascinated by the difference in my perception of the movie. I totally connected with her journey to self-love and not wanting to lose what she found.

I get it! I feel it!

I felt her meditation in Bali and later, her real fear of losing herself in a relationship. I loved it. I love that she discovered radical love! It shows it has nothing to do with another person.

Now, clearly most of us need more than an extended vacation on three different continents, but the gist is this little nugget: if you want big love, show yourself radical ways of love.

A few pointers:

1. Remove beliefs that no longer serve you when it comes to loving you. You deserve everything you want.

2. Release pent up emotions. I’m talking about old, old stuff. Whatever you have stuffed down, throw it up!

3. Look in the mirror and say, I love you (fill in your name). Do this once a day—it’s awkward at first, but watch what happens after a week. (I do and it makes a huge difference.)

4. Don’t ruminate over mistakes. Everyone makes them, so stop beating yourself up.

5. Don’t participate in drama. Seriously, another person’s instability is not yours to own, so release it. If they need a shoulder, be clear with your boundaries.

6. Oh yeah: have boundaries and stick to em’.

7. Do not deprive yourself of anything you truly want. Once you believe you deserve it, then treat yourself kindly and allow.

8. Accept yourself fully, completely, radically! Every bit of you: all of the zigs, zags and everything in between.

Those are just a few tips, but watch how radical love changes, who comes in and how you feel in your life.

 

Like elephant journal on Facebook.

Ed: Cat Beekmans

About Tracy Crossley

Tracy Crossley is a hyphenate: female, writer, curiosity quencher, artist, poet, gardener of real gardens and existential ones, clairvoyant, and momma to grown ups. She is an executive mentor as her main gig. She is currently speaking, writing and mentoring people on empowerment in leadership and relationships. If you want to learn more about her, please check out her website, facebook page, blog and on twitter, she always follows back. If you really want to get some quality time with her, email her at Tracy AT tracycrossley dot com or her free weekly 10 minute audios.

1,242 views

2 Responses to “Radical Love.”

  1. Joe Sparks says:

    One of the best ways to love yourself is self-massage. In my yoga class, we massage just about every part of the body before we actually stretch it. I suggest to my students to love every part of themselves or at least notice how cute their little toe is. That little toe is us, is just as precious and totally deserving to be loved.
    We all we born inherently lovable, little did we know the people in charge of us, felt bad about themselves, and were not able to love us the way we needed and deserved. But your are right, nothing stopping us now to being completely pleased with our existence. Thanks!

  2. Tracy says:

    I LOVE THAT JOE!! We all our baby toes aren't we? And you're so right we had no discernment as children to know how the adults around us felt about themselves either. You must have an amazing yoga class. Thank you for commenting! : )

Leave a Reply