Find Your Life Partner in 4 Easy Steps.

Via on Sep 3, 2013

EJSoulmate

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you, either.”

~ Mandy Hale

What is a life partner? The term may sound self-explanatory, but let’s take a moment to break down its meaning. I prefer this phrase over soul mate. Although in some cases the two may be interchangeable, “soul mate” tends to conjure up images of Hollywood-projected princes completing the pathetic lives of shallow princesses whose entire Disney existence involves waiting for their prince to come and make them happy forever after.

A life partner is a mate, a friend and lover with whom you wish to spend your life.

Your whole life? Well, maybe or maybe not. Again, Hollywood, media and society tells us we need to find a mate and settle down for life. For some, this works. (You know, that particular class of people who meet each other in school, get married young and have a happy marriage that endures for decades.)

However, in many cases, the life partners’ destiny is to spend just a year (or two or five or ten) together. Then, the situation shifts. One or both of them outgrow the relationship. Or something. Shit happens, and staying together is no longer mutually beneficial.

So, for the purposes of this article, a life partner is a compatible mate (and ideally lover) with whom one connects deeply—physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually—for some meaningful chunk of life.

Are you looking for one? Just follow these simple steps.

  1. Exit Your Current Relationship if Necessary.

Are you presently in a relationship with someone who drives you bananas in a bad way? Release it. Liberate yourself, ASAP. Because the truth is, as long as you’re settling for an incompatible partner, you’re most likely not open or available to meet a suitable, potential partner for life.

I know it’s hard; I’ve been there. But no matter how good the sex is or how stimulating the conversation, deep down you know when a partnership is no longer viable. Be compassionate, and get out.

  1. You Complete You.

Basics first: you need a home and a job. If you are living with your parents or your ex, find a place of your own. Once you have your own space, you can begin to take actions that make you feel content and complete. Join a recreational sports team, take an art or cooking class, read, do yoga more consistently, learn another language… whatever it is, do the things that feed your soul. Maybe even move to another city, state or country if so inspired.

It’s a cliché for a reason: you’ve got to complete yourself and love yourself first.

  1. Know Who You’re Looking For.

There is great value in knowing yourself, exploring all the nooks of your unique personality, and identifying exactly what kind of life partner you seek. Write a list or a poem or a story describing that person’s traits. What are your top priorities? What are your dealbreakers? With whom do you want to share your precious life this time around?

  1. Give Up The Search.

Really. Get off match.com and take a hike. Do the things in real life that you want to do, but not with any ulterior motive of snagging a soul mate. Tune into the peace and joy and abundance that are your true nature. Be grateful for what you have and who you are. And one of these days, sooner or later, you will find yourself standing in love with your wonderful life partner.

We all desire and deserve happiness, but our bliss cannot depend on our relationship status.

To recap: stop settling, find wholeness in your solitary life, define the qualities of your ideal mate, and quit searching for him or her. With perseverance and a little luck, you will enter a healthy, mutually-beneficial relationship with your life partner. It will feel too good to be true, but it will be just plain good and true.

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Ed: Sara Crolick

About Michelle Margaret Fajkus

Michelle Margaret Fajkus ("fake-us") is a proponent of natural, lifelong learning through yoga, mindfulness, living, loving and letting go. An avid reader, writer and blogger, she's a longtime lover of words and languages, especially English and Spanish. Today, Michelle is a 34-year-old expat from Austin living at Lake Atitlan, Guatemala with her life partner, daughter and black cat. Michelle is the founder of Yoga Freedom. She learned yoga from a book at age 12 and found Buddha in California at 23. She's written over 250 posts about mindful living on elephant journal since 2010. Her writing also appears on Rebelle Society, Be You Media Group and her blog, Daily Life Practice. Read her memoir, chakra guide or (free!) beginners guide to mindfulness and yoga here, or come on down to Guatemala for a retreat! Connect with Michelle on Google+ or Facebook.

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14 Responses to “Find Your Life Partner in 4 Easy Steps.”

  1. What a great definition of a life partner. Thank you. And thank you for describing a humble, sane, fulfilling path to find one when the time is right. So many of my friends are on Match.com in what seems to be 24/7 and insist I too need to be doing this, too.

    I'm going with your advice, Michelle.

  2. Very clear & succinct… I did this exactly, and yes, I found my life partner. Took about 2.5 years from step 1 to step 4 – best investment in time of my life.

  3. Michelle says:

    Cool, Kara-Leah. Thanks for sharing. It doesn't happen immediately, but it is so worth the wait! Namsate, Michelle

  4. Dave says:

    Give up the search? Totally? Hmmm…

    I literally said to myself, "Maybe I'll meet a cutie" when a friend asked me to go to an Oscar's party (that I'd normally not be interested in), and there she was as I entered… and now 2 years later we're engaged. If I'd given up the search, I wouldn't have gone.

    Yeah, no one wants someone who's desperate, but I think some action and intention to connect is required.

    Just sayin'

  5. Nyleen Lacy says:

    "It will feel too good to be true, but it will be just plain good and true." Love that.

  6. Mishka says:

    One important note regarding: "Are you presently in a relationship with someone who drives you bananas in a bad way."

    Often intimate relationships are intimate because they touch the deepest parts of our emotional and psychological being and when people feel like they are being "driven bananas" by a partner that is an indication that something needs to be resolved by both partners. Someone is being triggered and the question of "why" is an incredibly important one. New freedom and deeper love can be found if both partners are willing to understand this question and grow as individuals together. If you bounce out of relationships as soon as they get deep and you feel emotionally challenged you will be avoiding the deeper issues and dimensions of your own personality and attachment mechanisms. Our society embraces throwing things away, getting the newer, hotter, more exciting model. Few lasting long term relationships are built on this paradigm.

    I'm not defending dysfunctional relationships, I'm saying if both partners want to grow and work through conflict that is necessary for longevity and depth.

  7. Rab says:

    Well, I think my partner fits this and I did actually find him on OKCupid. But I had a big and fulfilling life outside of OKCupid and dated off there only with lots of pickiness and listening to my gut. :-)

  8. Beth says:

    I've done all of the above. I've left bad relationships. I have a fulfilling personal life where I'm active and involved but not so much that I don't have time for others. I've quit the dating sites. They are demoralizing. I do however get out there and do things that I enjoy and hope to meet people that way, not just potential mates but friends. And I have met friends but…

    I'm still single. Some days I'm ok with it. Other days are terribly lonely. I'm beginning to believe in fate. If it's meant to happen, it will. I'm not sure it's meant to happen for me.

  9. Alex Stone says:

    I love yoga, yoga classes in London are predominantly full of women and not really the place to pick up. Need a new game plan ha ha.

  10. Nicole says:

    I love this article! All these steps worked for me exactly in this order. In 2008 I left a relationship that was not quite balanced and left me feeling a lot less loved than I had expected I would ever feel. I had told myself that if this relationship didn't work out, I would be done with relationships, and done with dating. I concentrated on making myself happy. I did stuff I loved, got involved with organizations I was passionate about. And if I didn't meet anyone EVER, BIG DEAL!! I would happy with my own life until the end of my days! I was genuinely HAPPY on my own. I was so busy with my own life that "looking" for someone was just something I never had the time or interest for. BUT, I told myself that if I was to get involved again, he would have to be A, B, and C and have X, Y and Z qualities. And then, quite literally, we bumped into each other in a hallway. Years later, he would tell me that he loved how passionate I was about my life and that he was hoping to one day have a part in it.

    This whole process took 4-5 years and it was well worth it. But I realize that it doesn't always happen like this for everyone. For most, it never happens at all. My partner and I, we realize how lucky we are and our relationship is something that we do not take for granted and it's something we work at everyday.

    I think that being happy with yourself and your own life is the best thing you can do for yourself. One's happiness should not be dependent on someone else. That's a lot of expectation to be putting on someone and it's not fair to that someone else! You should be the kind of person you hope to find.

  11. How about find your life partner in one easy step?

    Step 1. Look in the mirror.

    I am my own perfect mate and life partner, and whoever I am with is a BONUS.
    Ok, other than that, this was actually a great article, and quite refreshing.

  12. Jillian Locke jillianlocke says:

    Perfect. Thank you for being such a radiant conduit <3

  13. i.dilsath begum says:

    Hi I am female 29 years old wen I vl b married

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