Getting Off The Grief Wheel. ~ Leace Hughes

Via Leace Hugheson Sep 15, 2013
Photo: Tomasz Zaczeniuk, Pixoto

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Is A Fraud!

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous book,  “On Death & Dying” was published in 1969 in which she writes about the five stages of grief. She was known back then to be an expert on helping people deal with death. In her book she talks about,  The five stages of grief model. According to her, the stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

The grief cycle is actually a change model for helping to understand and deal with (and counsel) personal reaction to trauma. It’s not just for death and dying.

Many therapists and counselors still use this model for helping people with many different forms of loss including death. In more recent years, many people seem to be jumping on the grief wheel and not knowing how to get off. It could be a loss of a job, a loss of home, loss of a friend, or loss of an idea.

Basically any change can be interpreted as a loss. Yes, there may be some denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In her studies, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross covers all her bases and states that people may go into one or more stage. They will not necessarily go through all of the stages, nor will they go through them in any particular order.

“There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It’s true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it’s more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They’re opposites. If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.” ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

In her own quote, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross states that there are only two emotions that humans feel. Love and Fear. It seems to me that she has decided to write a whole book about fear. The five stages of grief seem to only be about fear. My guess is the fear of change.

I have been researching and talking to people about grief recently. Many people have referred me to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief. I myself had some grieving I wanted to go through. It was like I felt like I had been ripped off because I had some loved ones that had passed on and I didn’t go through enough grief stages. I thought I was doing something all wrong.

I saw people crying, I heard them tell me how awful they felt, how angry, and sad they were. The whole thing looked God awful but if that was the normal, I wanted it!

I went out into the woods so I could be alone and go through all the stages I needed to—all at once. I know the book says you can’t rush this, but I have never prided myself in rules, so I was going to do things a little different.

Denial: I left the woods and went and had some coffee and denied the whole thing happened. I felt like I was cheating myself during this stage. I know it happened, so I wasn’t sticking around for this one too long. I don’t like lying to myself; it takes up too much energy.

Anger: This one was pretty easy. Yeah, I was pissed that I lost someone I cared about, but how can I stay angry if I don’t want to be in fear too long? My loved ones are probably in a better place right now and no longer need their human body, but that doesn’t mean they are gone. Being angry just takes up too much energy and I don’t seem to have much to spare these days.

Bargaining: Now I am talking to myself. “Leace, I’ll make you a deal. You stop going through all of these stages, and we can go have a little wine to go with that whining.” This was the quickest stage I went through!

Depression: This came after the wine. I rested in the woods and reflected on all that fear and it was so exhausting and depressing at the same time. I think I was stuck in this stage for a few hours while I tried to sober up and nap!

Acceptance: Drum roll please! I sat up and took in a deep breath and was thankful that it was over. It was the first stage that really didn’t suck me of all my energy. I didn’t have to lie to myself and everything was good in my world. Whew!

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief have been around since 1969, and there hasn’t been too many people out there that offered anything new. Although there have been several professionals that have expounded on it over the years. I don’t really think she is a fraud, I just think that it’s time for us to wake up and realize that we are all unique.

There are no two people on the earth with the exact same DNA.

So, I really doubt that there is anything to offer in our world that is a “one size fits all” treatment. You do not need to jump on her wheel or mine. My only suggestion is to brainwash yourself before someone else does it for you.

Just in case you can’t come up with something quick enough, I will share mine. This is what works for me and I am in no way suggesting that this would help you or anyone you know. We only know what will work for ourselves, but mine is quick and could easily be changed to fit your particular needs.

Using Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s quote, there are only two emotions, love and fear. When you start to feel the fear, walk away before someone slaps another person’s ideas of what you should or should not do or feel on you. Keep walking and don’t turn back until you know you have walked right smack into love.

I like to think of a much bigger picture. I know that as we are being distracted by things and ideas from other people—we could be missing out on the blissful peace!

“Everything is changeable, everything appears and disappears; there is no blissful peace until one passes beyond the agony of life and death.” ~ Buddha

Only you will know when you are home.


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Ed: Cat Beekmans


About Leace Hughes

Leace Hughes began her spiritual journey with a terminal illness.  Faced with death and a plethora of dis-eases and medications, she decided to leave that all behind for life.  With a lot of attention on healthcare, she had to leave “sickcare” behind.  The road was sometimes all uphill, but each step forward left an imprint on her soul giving her the message that life was for the living.  She is now dancing to a different drummer and the angel of death has been missing in action.  If you find it, please remember her address is unknown.


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