The In-Between. ~ Dana Gornall

Via on Sep 12, 2013
liberate woman free
Photo: Vicky Mania on Pixoto.

I have been in-between for so long that I don’t remember being anything else.

Life seems to be at the cusp of everything and nothing and I am always right in the middle. I go to yoga, but I am not still a beginner and yet so far from being a yogi. My poses are improving, but I still can’t touch my toes.

I am a meditator, but I still can’t sit for longer than eight minutes. My brain bounces around from topic to topic and some days I just can’t seem to find the energy to sit.

I am not at the start of a career, but nowhere near the end. As a matter of fact I seem to vacillate from one job to the next so much that I am left spinning at the end of the day. I get pretty good at these trades—massage therapist, interpreter, teacher, writer—but I haven’t mastered any of them completely.

I am not married, but not divorced. I am separated. I am not with anyone, but not really single.

It seems lately I am trying to find where I belong and where my identity lies.

I am all of these and yet none of them completely. I am in-between—that etheric space that has no label, no name.  While labels aren’t supposed to be important and stereotypes are looked down upon, but used, I find myself sometimes wishing I wasn’t in-between.

When the moon is hanging low in the dark sky, and I see it’s light outlining the clouds, and I have a moment of stillness and quiet mind, I wonder where I will be when I’m no longer in-between.

Will I be a yogi? A writer? A therapist? A single mom?

Where do I fit and where do I belong?

Some nights I wonder if maybe, I belong in the in-between.

This cloudy space of everything and nothing, happy and sad, present but unnamed. Lonely at times, but not really alone either. It is here that I float about without an anchor to hold me down.

Lying in wait in the periphery, people swarm about in their own places. I see where they belong, and sometimes think maybe I can find a spot in their world.

But for now I will wait in the interlude, suspended in the halfway point. Here is my home in-between.

 

Like The Mindful Life on Facebook.

Ed: Cat Beekmans

About Dana Gornall

Dana Gornall is a mom of three crazy kids and a dog. She works as a licensed massage therapist in Amherst, Ohio and is a certified sign language interpreter. She is always looking forward to even more personal growth. While not interpreting, doing massage, or being with her family she loves going to yoga. You can connect with her on Twitter and Facebook.

3,533 views

11 Responses to “The In-Between. ~ Dana Gornall”

  1. Love this, Dana. The in-between is so difficult sometimes, but you capture it beautifully.

  2. emotionalviolence says:

    Thanks for writing this, Dana. I now know I'm not alone.

  3. Laura says:

    A beautiful book to read that seems to float in this ambiguous state, is "Unless" by Carol Shields. She chose the title "Unless" because it a conjunction that joins and quantifies meanings within sentences. An "in-betweener" if you will. The book won several awards and is a powerful narrative, subtle in its delivery. Not many people get it. The book totally made me aware of this phenomena that women often experience. It was after reading this book, that I realized I was absolutely an "in-betweener."

  4. Jesse says:

    An interesting, but cerebral book that cuts right into this topic is:
    The Soul: an Owner's Manual: Discovering the Life of Fullness by George Jaidar.

  5. Darla says:

    You express yourself so well! I enjoy rea
    ding all of your articles.

Leave a Reply