Unfortunately, yes. (Sorry, gentlemen.)
Okay, I’m not actually sorry, but I do feel a ti-ny bit bad, so I’ve decided to help you out.
Here, spelled out—quite literally—is what women want.
We want to be wooed.
We want romance and we want chivalry. We want you to want to open a door for us because you respect us and, well, like us.
Because we like ourselves, so we demand to be treated well.
Yet, here’s the catch…
We want to have our cake and eat it too.
While we do want to be treated like ladies, we also want to go to work if we choose, to have friends outside of our relationship with you and to, you know, be independent while still being snuggly with—and loved by—you.
It’s the way it is.
Because we’re also free-spirited and sassy.
(And, admit it, that’s part of a woman’s charm.)
We want you to read our minds.
Ladies, this one’s actually for you.
Repeat after me: (almost all) other people cannot read your mind, especially men.
Your husband, boyfriend, etc is probably not nearly as capable as your sister or your girlfriends at reading your facial expressions and limited wording.
Guys, this isn’t a slam, I promise—it’s the simple truth.
So, yes, we would like you to read our minds and then grant us our every wish, but, women, let’s grow up and use our words instead, okay?
We want to be cuddled.
Leaning into you during a Netflix movie isn’t necessarily a sign that we want to fool around. Sometimes a lady needs to cuddle. Period.
We want to be held and kissed tenderly on the cheek—and that’s it.
However, if you spend more time hugging and cuddling, that’s a sure-fire way for us to want you even more romantically.
We want to be left alone.
Although maybe not in the way that you think.
Many men (and people in general, let’s be fair) are fixers.
When we vent to you, we don’t need you to fix it for us, we just need you to listen. Thanks.
We don’t want to always get our way.
Sorry, girls, I’m helping everyone out here by telling it like it is.
Guys, we want you to—ahem—grow a pair and stand up for yourself when necessary.
I don’t believe for a second that any healthy woman wants a man who does everything she says. That makes her your mommy—and she doesn’t want to be married to, or have sex with, her son.
Still, we want you to want to please us.
This is different than wishing the door was held open.
This is you wanting to help fold the laundry and brush the kids’ teeth because you sincerely aim to be part of a happy, well-functioning family.
Both of us are tired after a long day and everyone itches to check out from time to time; all we’re asking for is that, when you’re feeling frustrated or selfish, you look at us a little bit more like the girl you dated and wanted so desperately to please rather than the sometimes cranky lady you married or live with.
In other words, ignore our occasionally tired eyes and possibly-too-frequent snappy tone of voice—this is not from personal experience, mind you—and just jump in willingly with love, and this will most assuredly soften our hard edges—because we feel cared for.
Additionally, we are the most beautiful women in the world.
Go with me on this.
Obviously every woman can’t be the most beautiful from a practical definition, but we can be the most beautiful woman to you—and we need to be.
It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been together or how many new and younger chicklets pop up onto your radar. When we have grey hair and more wrinkles—I mean, memories—than we can count, we still want you to look at us with desire and appreciation.
There’s something in it for you, too: men are more attractive when they make you feel special and wanted.
Oh, and women don’t like bad boys—that’s something assholes made up.
You know, I think I’ll stop here for now.
There are actually several more things that women want from you, but I think that if you honestly put effort into working on these suggestions then the rest will fall into place, naturally.
Because here’s the real secret about the love-and-marriage-and-baby-carriage balancing act: we want a partner.
Sure, our ways of communicating and the little differences often get in the way for both of us, but in our heart of hearts our deepest needs and yearnings are the same.
Remember that—and you’ll do just fine.
Bonus: my husband thinks that the Spice Girls know what a woman really wants, so, guys, let’s just agree to leave it at hopefully you’ve read this far and go ahead and stick with the script above. (If you want my take, though, and still would like to see what a woman wants in song, then make sure to check out video number two.) Over and out.
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Ed: Bryonie Wise